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Thread: The perfect family image

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default The perfect family image

    This has been on my mind for a few weeks now. I don't have the big extened family where everyone gets together and cares about eachother and perfect get togethers with martha stewart food and decore. When I get pg noone says congrats or shows up at the hositpal like everyother family dose. This hurts me deeply i want that more then anything. On top of that I met a man who has the "perfect family" as far as home life goes he has a wife a big house one child and one the way plently of mony for anything they want. But when you get to know him more you find out he is anything but perfect its all imagige he cheats on his wife drinks to much amomg other things. My home life is okay I don't have a ton of mony i don't have the things that people consider perfect but we try. I just want to discusess what you all think the ideal american family is and how much of it is just apprenaces. I want more then anything to have a perfect family and i have been so depressed becuse my life fall short of the american ideal. For me ther perfect famlily is big house nice car fancy cloths and a big extened family that has nice celebrations all the time and everyone gets along.

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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    I once nearly married into the "perfect American family"...father was a highly respected man in the community, and they were wealthy beyond belief (money from the mother's side). As I got closer to being an "official" part of the family, other significant others--married to the siblings of my girlfriend--gave me the friendly warning that all was not as it seemed. I picked up on this, too: the mother ran the household and things would go according to her. I think the father resented, ultimately, that everyone knew that the reason he had a beautiful house was because of his wife's money, and not through his own efforts. They were good people, but the dynamics were much different than I realized, and I DID understand that if I married into that family much of my life would be planned out. Not for me.

    I heard someone once say that everything is the opposite of what it seems, and that seems to be true with the family you are describing. I too would like to create and maintain a tight, loving family of my own, but I guess the secret is to base it on love and not let "status" creep into the picture, as it does so often, especially in our American society. Maybe it is important, too, to live truthfully, and not be putting up fronts...I see so often that the "perfect" family is often the one with the most problems. I'm on my own again, and sometimes it is lonely, but it would have been a lot worse now if I'd been in that family! I count my blessings!
    JK Jim

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    I want to add anthor thought i watch the show bridezillas and those women freaken amaze me becuse the treat there family like shit for months and never think twice about it and there familes don't get mad they put up with it and everyone shows for the wedding like nothing ever happend. If that was me first of all i would not have all those people who cared and for the few that did care they would not put up with that for a sec. Those wome just don't understand how lucky they are to have a family that loves them that take it for graunted and it makes me sick. If i was ever getting married agine if anyone who cared enough to be involved i would treat with the utmost respect and apperation.

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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    My family consists of a few weird eccentric intellectual/artsy-types scattered about the country, most of whom are only marginally functional in the real world. It's kinda sad. I sometimes fantasize about marrying into a huge, sprawling, raucous, loving working/middle-class Italian-American or African-American family--you know, where there's tons of cousins and nieces and nephews, and giant backyard get-togethers with gramma's famous sweet-potato pie or Aunt Carmela's ziti (or both, preferably!)...And Uncle Joe always gets drunk and pisses everyone off and then later cries and apologizes, and the men make up with big masculine bear hugs, and people aren't afraid to yell at each other or tell each other what they really think....Yeah. I've dated some guys with families like that, but I was much younger and not as lonely as I am now.

    Anyhow, I guess that would be my notion of the ideal American family: big, sprawling, multi-ethnic, multi-generational, working-middle class, full of love and drama...
    "Doc still loved true things, but he knew it was not a general love and it could be a very dangerous mistress." - John Steinbeck, Cannery Row


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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    I think a lot of Americans have gotten very isolated in the last 20-30 years or so. For instance, do you know your neighbor's names? First and last?

    I don't. I know some of the neighbor's first names in my cul-de-sac, but only one home where I know their last names. And that is just because they hired my husband to build them a deck in their back yard. It isn't an interpersonal relationship.

    I've lived in the same house for 4 years. There are 6 houses in my cul-de-sac. Three of the houses have changed residents since I've lived here. One house belongs to a muslim family, and they don't ever answer their door or talk to their neighbors. They don't even open their drapes on the windows that are viewable from the street (The oldest son who is about 22 years old is really HOT! Too bad he's not allowed to talk to the neighbors).

    We've tried inviting our neighbors over for cocktail parties and bar-be-ques, but they never come. We've never gotten an invitation to visit their homes, either.

    My family is scattered all over the country. My parents and brother are in Washington. My "honorary" sisters are in Washington and Arizona. My extended family is in Pennsylvania, Ohio, Floridia, New Jersey, Montana, California, Texas and Massachusetts. I'm pretty much alone here in Oregon.

    I've made a habit of not forging close relationships at work. I feel that interferes with my ability to do my job. Ditto with my husband.

    We've started calling Eugene Oregon the land of "Leave Me Alone". I don't know why people are so distrusting of strangers here. Frankly, the most open and social people I've met in the area are the immigrants (I don't ask their legal status).


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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    Hmmmmmmmmm I have the huge family. On both sides paternal and maternal My Dad was 14 0f 18 children abd my Mom was the youngest of eight. Totally not the "Hallmark" or "Norman Rockwell painting" family either. Average middle class people, that can't get along. So don't feel to left out. I know virtually nothing of my reclusive Maternal side, and my Paternal side has a near blood feud with each other over a land deal that went sour.

    I just love my Family at arms reach. I visit briefly, take no sides, and make excuses to be elsewhere when issues come up. So I guess what I am telling you is that your not alone and this is fairly common.

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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    Does this really exist? Are you in touch with reality at all, whatsoever? The perfect family isn't about having big fancy cars? Its about love, respect, communication, support, etc. The perfect American family is a media myth.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    One big happy family...
    "Never believe anything you hear in a strip club." - The Other Owner

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    Default Re: The perfect family image

    Exactly Katrine!

    As I told my dad the last time he pissed me off, "Screw this, my new family is the one that comes in the picture frames at Kmart".
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