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Thread: She a boy now

  1. #26
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    There must have been a good reason...and I'm sure whatever it was, must have been tramatic for the family and for the child.

    Please don't make this a big deal to your son...or tell him anythign he don't need to know. It would be terrible if rumors spread or this kid started getting picked on...I'm sure he/she has been through enough.

    I have read a few stories of chilcren who have been born hermaphrodites...and the parents picked the childs sex as infants, and raised them as that sex. This caused problems later in life, as the child began to develo pa sexual identity...and it wasn't the same as the parents choose.

    Soif this was the case with Brian...it's godo the parents changed the childs sex if they felt that she was beginging to identify with being a boy. Much better than the child identifying with a boy..and beign forced to be raised as a girl.

  2. #27
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    on this subject. this is about people whos children are trans gender.
    here watch these its about the subject. its very fascinating

    watch in order

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Utpam0IGYac
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8F9CaPyQz8
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W17z6KeiNY
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSkQlWUX_eI
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ib_yE5WILJc

  3. #28
    Senior Member tronie's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    I am so proud of his mother for how she handled it..most children who are in the wrong bodies and dont get to be who they really are kill themselves. There is nothing wrong with him and Im happy his parents understood that instead of trying to force gender roles on their child. Kudos.

    edit to say.. more than likely its not the parent changing the childs looks and style so much as the parents allowing the child to chose for themselves. I dont think parents want their childs gender identification to change as a lot of times the parent will say "i feel like Ive lost my child" when this change takes place.. so more than likely the parents had to overcome their own hangups and issues to honor their child.

  4. #29
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    First, thank all of you for your thoughts on this. Gave me some very interesting ways to look at it.

    Second;
    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    Please don't make this a big deal to your son...or tell him anythign he don't need to know. It would be terrible if rumors spread or this kid started getting picked on...I'm sure he/she has been through enough.
    never in a million years would I do this to a child. And my son, like me, is very accepting of people the way they are. I'm very proud that he caught on to that lesson. Like I said before, I wish we lived in a world where things like this weren't so shocking...or "taboo"..but we do.

    And truly, al li wanted out of this was some input about why this may be happening to a little kid. It's something I don't know very much about and was curious. There is absolutely nothing malicous in my curiosity. And like you stated, I would never want it to get around to other kids, which is why I came here to talk about it, as opposed to talking to other moms for fear some kids might over hear.

    I'm not sure I can say it enough times here, but I really just wanted some info on this subject, not sure why I feel like I am on the defensive here.... But anyway, thank you all again for the information!




  5. #30
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    oh, I'm sorry if the tone of my post made you feel defensive....wasn't meant that way at all.

  6. #31
    God/dess UtahMike's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    In one school where I taught, we turned up a fourth grade girl who had been registered as a boy all through school. She had one of those names which can be either gender, dressed like a boy, had a boy's haircut, played rough games with the boys, acted like girls were poison. Nobody ever specifically remembered her going to the restroom at school. Two teachers cried when they found out she was a girl.

    After her record got corrected, she continued her same style of dress and behavior, but a few years later when she went through puberty, she had a very hard time accepting herself and was very unhappy. Then she moved away, so I cannot tell you how her story ended.

    BTW, you do NOT have to go to court to change what your child is called. You have to go to court to get the name changed on the official school records, but they can be called anything. I had a mother who got quite emotional with me because her Jacob had become a Jake. "That's the name I picked for him when he was a baby, and you, you've made him into a JAKE!!! (sob, sob)" So I got with Jake the next day and commented that his mom seemed quite upset about his name and suggested that he write "Jacob" on all his papers, but we would call him the name he wanted in class unless his mom was around. Had a girl decide she would now be Roxy, and yet another went by "Dream45."

    So, "Brian" might still be "Briana" on the records, but you would never know that because you don't have access to the records.

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    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    i watched those youtube clips of 20/20. while i have always known of this in adults. i had no idea there were children that young going through this. thanks for the link.

  8. #33
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    Had a girl decide she would now be Roxy, and yet another went by "Dream45."
    I don't know why this stood out to me, but Dream45?
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  9. #34
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    oh, I'm sorry if the tone of my post made you feel defensive....wasn't meant that way at all.
    Phew! I also read it last night after work and am currently in full on PMS mode...so yah, I might be a little defensive already.

    Utah Mike, you're right about the name thing, my son, his little friend and my neighbor, all of those kids go by a name that is different than on their birth certs.


    Well, I had never thought about what it would be like to be a child and going through something so serious and questioning, or feeling differently about the sex you were born with. I don't know why I never thought about it, but it always seemed like such a grown up problem.

    I'd still be terribly worried about what life in High school and beyon would be like for my kid. But I suppose it's better than teaching a child that the way they feel, or their bodies are wrong and something to hide and be ashamed of.




  10. #35
    Veteran Member RebeccaSolidarity's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    huh. perfect topic for me.

    this happens quite a bit these days actually. in countries like the netherlands it happens quite often with young prepubescent male-assigned-at-birth children who strong identify as girls. they are allowed to lives as girls after seeing various specialists and so on - even if it is not a genetic disorder - and around the time of puberty are given testosterone blocking agents and estrogen therapy. they pretty much grow up to be well adjusted young women with any problems they may have being unrelated to their trans nature. similarly there are plenty of transgendered people out and about in the world (myself included) who displayed strong signs of beings transgendered but nobody ever thought much of it or thought to ask. like the fact that even at nine years old i was running around going on and on about how "boys could grow up to be girls" and so on to all my friends who never believed me it could happen, or the fact that all of the people i spent my time with were girls too and i would become disproportionately upset when i tried to play "the girl games" like various hand clapping routines or tether ball and other such things only to realize that i was not as good as the rest of the girls i was playing with.

    had i been provided a supportive atmosphere at that early of an age i might have been able to live a much easier life. certainly i still transitioned at an age that (until recently at least) most people considered early but i tried coming out as a girl during my early puberty and was laughed down because i was "too young" to know who i was on such a fundamental level. others boys and girls knew fundamentally that they were boys and girls - i figured in my head - so why was my knowledge of self less valid? ultimately i realized it is because we exist in a society that views transgendered phenomonenon as social lifestyle choices and not as the core truth of a person in the same way that non-trans people's genders are viewed.

    no lasting harm will be done to brian if he has a short haircut and boys clothing or gets referred to with male pronouns. if anything, people may even view his bullying in a different light now and he could be disciplined properly for it rather than adults simply seeing it as "prepubescent girl flirting" which could be important for this kid. chances are he has seen several psychotherapists and probably a physician or two. he is not on any medications and will not be until a little while after puberty starts (the endocrine system has to sort of settle a little before testosterone is introduced since girls on the whole start puberty so much earlier than boys these days) and by that point he should have a more expressable concept of who he is. if this ends up being wrong then it should become pretty apparent.

    i have a friend who i met when she was fourteen. she had wanted to be a boy for a very long time. i was the only person in the world that she got to be a boy around. now that she is eighteen she seems to have changed her mind and wants to be a goth fetish model girl. but the thing is, once she made the conscious decision that she really was a girl she quit everything that had ever made her happy or healthy and began using the hardest of drugs on a regular basis. when she is stoned or sad now or just feeling quiet she still thinks about it sometimes. who knows, perhaps if she had been given the sort of supportive enviornment that brian was things might be different and there might be one more charming and healthy young man pursuing art in the world. no way to know for sure, but really there is no way to ever know anything for sure. i do not think the situation for brian is all that bad in the end.

    It can be difficult to make a recently single man pay for sex when he knows that a quick trip to the local watering hole would secure at least one hard drunken tumble for far less cash. It is even more difficult when he is something of a dead ringer for James Bond as played by Daniel Craig and possesses the sort of awkard charm and confidence that brands a man like him as a lady killer.

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  11. #36
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    Wow. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us.




  12. #37
    Veteran Member Cyndi08's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    First of all, let me say that any tension in my message is not directed at the OP, but society in general.... :-)

    I can't judge what those parents did. They did what was best for their family and we don't know the whole story. Could you imagine living with a child who hated themselves being identified as female? I mean, seriously hated... talked about suicide, etc.

    I taught a preschool (4 year olds!) with a girl who refused to be called a girl. Her behavior and clothing matched up with the boys. That's who she wanted to be. We just let her be. She didn't mind her name, I guess.

    I don't know that I would change my child's name, but give a nickname like Bri* that my child is more comfortable with. So what if traditional gender roles aren't followed (hair, clothes, interests)... fuck society standards...

    A doctor's response to a father's concerns about boy clothes and toys:

    "You needn't be concerned about your daughter. While the thinking in our society has changed somewhat, there nonetheless remain pretty entrenched notions of what interests are appropriate for girls or for boys. Really such notions are arbitrary and we as parents do not have to permit them to dictate our own children's interests. I think you are doing fine allowing your daughter to explore whatever interests she prefers, and if you or your wife object to those interests it unwittingly conveys disapproval to your daughter. There is no need to convey disapproval of these things. Disapproval abount interests conveys to the child that something is 'wrong' with the child, and I'm sure neither you nor your wife want to convey that to your daughter. "

    http://www.medhelp.org/perl6/childbe...ges/33819.html

    I think when girls like "boy things" people get worried about sexual orientation more than anything. Do we really think behavior determines sexuality? I, personally, do not. I think it's in our genetics. Think about all the sexually repressed men who end up married with kids, but all along knew they were gay. Is that kind of suppression less damaging than just coming out with it early on to an open-minded society???

  13. #38
    Senior Member tronie's Avatar
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    Default Re: She a boy now

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Phew! I also read it last night after work and am currently in full on PMS mode...so yah, I might be a little defensive already.

    Utah Mike, you're right about the name thing, my son, his little friend and my neighbor, all of those kids go by a name that is different than on their birth certs.


    Well, I had never thought about what it would be like to be a child and going through something so serious and questioning, or feeling differently about the sex you were born with. I don't know why I never thought about it, but it always seemed like such a grown up problem.

    I'd still be terribly worried about what life in High school and beyon would be like for my kid. But I suppose it's better than teaching a child that the way they feel, or their bodies are wrong and something to hide and be ashamed of.

    somewhat on the topic I have always been very accepting and comfortable with my sexuality. I honestly had a susupision I was a hermaphrodite (not due to any physical indicator, but more feelings of gender) all my life and remember the day I found that not to be the case.. I was so confused.. I really believe gender roles come down to a lot of how people are raised. I have never felt I was one solid gender rather have felt my sexuality and gender to be very fluid and in flux.. I dress like boys some days just to dress femme the next.. it can be a day to day thing.. and unlike most people I didnt have a discovery of my sexuality.. ever since sexuality has been a thought for me I have always known about my bisexuality or open sexuality.. of course... i believe any sexuality is healthy as long as its involving consenting adults (or two consenting minors of healthy age).

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