Tonight I gave three air-dances to a guy who was whacked out on more cocaine than I've ever seen in my life. He must have done an entire eight ball all by himself and I have no idea why he wasn't in the hospital. I didn't see him do it, but it was pretty obvious.
As I silently laughed at him, it occurred to me that every cokehead customer is exactly alike. They carry on the same way, they babble the same things, they make identical requests. "I fucking LOVE THIS SONG! Did you pick this? You are fucking AWESOME! Hey, here's some money, yanno, I got tons of money, yeah, I made over ten thousand dollars this week, you should come party with us! Cause yeah, I've got the biggest cock, seriously, hey, the last time I went down on a girl I made her pass out because she came so hard, you should come party with us! Fuck work, you can afford to take a night off, you guys make so much money, yeah, I've been running with strippers since I was like fourteen, totally, come hang out cause I'm gonna FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT, yeah!"
This one tonight said all that and more, and in the middle of my third air dance (because he was flopping everywhere), he pissed himself. Just peed all over himself. Then he stood up and announced, "I gotta go pee." I laughed and said, "Babe, I think you already did." He looked at me very seriously and replied, "Did I tell you I'm the fourth Beastie Boy?"
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Cokeheads are the funniest customers ever. This guy didn't even notice he was getting air dances, because he was just babbling away the whole time. All I had to do was strike a few poses, smile and nod.
Anybody got any funny stories about cokehead customers? (Or dancers, for that matter!)
And if anyone here has a coke problem... may this thread inspire you to quit!


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Seriously, that might be the best come-on line I've ever gotten. Nothing will ever beat the sight of a coked-out douche standing there soaked in his own piss, telling me he's the fourth Beastie Boy.




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