I took some time off dancing, and now I came back. I have had no issues working Sunday through Wednesday...but whenever I try to work a busier night, all the terror comes back.
I get so upset when another girl so much as looks at me sideways. It's weird, but other girls hating on me stresses me out way more than customers do. This isn't exclusive to dancing either...I get very neurotic about inter social skills with coworkers on all jobs. Any gaffe at all just stays with me forever, eats away at me, keeps me from sleeping, makes me sick to my stomach, makes me start randomly crying.
I know I need to toughen up and not care what people think, but it's not so simple. I'm afraid of needlessly antagonizing others, though I don't think of myself as a hateable person. Though apparently I really am sometimes. I suck with reading people, and then somehow it goes all shitty and wrong.
I never used to feel like such a weak fucking person. I want to not feel this way anymore.
How do you just go in, make money, and go home without worrying about others? I know it's possible. And I've learned I'm just not good at making dancer friends, so I just stop trying. But does anyone else ever feel so lonely at work, like you have no one to support you? It's scary and hard. But damn I want to keep making money!
And as to why this doesn't seem to happen on slower nights as much...I don't know. Fewer girls to piss off maybe? People are more relaxed?



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. Pretty much all I have to look forward to is the money.
Especially on busy nights... it might mean more dancers, but it also means more customers to hit and therefore more $$$.


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