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Thread: Black girl blues

  1. #26
    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    Quote Originally Posted by PleasureVictim View Post
    Very true Optimist. Keep your options open Lil...open-minded people have the most choices when it comes to finding someone special. Don't limit yourself on skin color.

    Lil, are you sure you are not giving black guys a chance just because you think they fit a certain stereotype? I don't know what city you are in but I hope you are not projecting society's image of black men onto ones who do not fit that role.

    All white guys don't belong on a pedestal and all black guys aren't worthless.
    Well the reason I was limiting myself to white guys is because as I mentioned earlier in another post I wanted mixed children who look like Jezebel17. I would think my children were beautiful no matter what but is that practical? For example, styling my hair actually causes physical pain no matter what style I choose (my hair is that coarse and thick). J17's look seems to have universal appeal.

    Your question about my feelings on black guys is a good one. The reason I was complaining about only getting black guys is two-fold: For one thing, I may be stereotyping, because my libertarian views say that stereotypes are often true. For example, I find most black guys to be very liberal and unpatriotic. I envision myself in the future as an upper middle class doctor who went from rags to riches, has an American flag hanging over the front porch, and maybe even owns a couple of guns. (Meanwhile, I think black conservative men want light and white women). But the main reason is not because of anything to do with black guys. It's just that I don't want to feel limited to one race, and have a situation where black guys are coveted by all races of women but where black women are limited to only black men (plus factor in the shortage).

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


  2. #27
    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    For now I think I should just forget about this whole image thing and say to hell with it. I think I should pull a Samatha (from Sex in the City) and just accept myself as I am and if I get married, so be it, but not actively seek out a boyfriend/potential husband. It's too forced. I think I can live a full life without being married anyway. Condi Rice is, Oprah is. There's no point in worrying about beauty because you will get old and wrinkled. Charm, Intelligence, and wealth last longer. The most beautiful woman does not remain that way for that long. Besides, attraction is about more than looks. Cleopatra is the most seductive woman of all time and people who saw her like Caesar said she actually wasn't that pretty, she just had game. I was just having a bad hair week actually because I took my braids out and what was left looked like a slave. I have since gotten it done, I'm much better now, thanks again.

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


  3. #28
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen View Post
    Well the reason I was limiting myself to white guys is because as I mentioned earlier in another post I wanted mixed children who look like Jezebel17. I would think my children were beautiful no matter what but is that practical? For example, styling my hair actually causes physical pain no matter what style I choose (my hair is that coarse and thick). J17's look seems to have universal appeal.
    But what if your babies don't turn out to look like Jezebel? Then what?

    Have you tried going to a hair dresser who specializes in the care of healthy hair? Maybe styling your hair is painful because you are using the wrong hair tools. I'm sorry, but since my hair is au natural, I can no longer use a rat-tail comb unless I want to be tugging and pulling Also, have you checked out nappturality?







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  4. #29
    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    But what if your babies don't turn out to look like Jezebel? Then what?
    I'm sure I even have any business having kids

    Quote Originally Posted by cinnamonkisses
    Have you tried going to a hair dresser who specializes in the care of healthy hair? Maybe styling your hair is painful because you are using the wrong hair tools. I'm sorry, but since my hair is au natural, I can no longer use a rat-tail comb unless I want to be tugging and pulling Also, have you checked out nappturality?
    you work with your hair natural? I'll check out nappturality

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


  5. #30
    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    Lils Sweet Vixen,


    I read your post. I am multiracial and my hair is super curly. I have a daughter by an black man. Her hair came out like his hair. My sister is multiracial and her hair came out like her dad. When we have children even by a differant race. Than our race. We still do not know what we are going to get!

    I have dated white men. I have went out with them because of how wonderful they where, not because of thier race. They date me because if who I am. My personality and of course I am hot. Which dose play a role . There is alot men who do not deserve us women attention. But those who do, we should give them a chance. Please do not limit yourself to a certain kind man base on race. You want a man who loves you no matter what you look like! you do not want a man who is superficial!


    As far as how you look, you need to embrace who you are, Love yourself so you will not have to depend on others for love. Find the things you like to do! Just do them! He will than come later! I dont care how you like to wear your hair. Thats is the style you like for you! If you want your hair curly ,straight, or in the twist. As long as you look good in it. You rock it and have fun. Life is too short for worries and regrets. Just do you,
    Last edited by leilanicandy; 09-06-2007 at 06:17 PM.
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  6. #31
    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    My hair is supper curly. Yet I like it straight!
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

  7. #32
    MsQwerty
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    Whoa, thats a gamble!
    I am mixed - black father, white mother, I have semi-afro hair.
    My son has a white father and combination hair - extreme afro in parts and straight in other areas and curly in others. Its very difficult to manage.
    My son is also darker than me.


    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen View Post
    Well the reason I was limiting myself to white guys is because as I mentioned earlier in another post I wanted mixed children who look like Jezebel17. I would think my children were beautiful no matter what but is that practical? For example, styling my hair actually causes physical pain no matter what style I choose (my hair is that coarse and thick). J17's look seems to have universal appeal.

  8. #33
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    ^^^^^^^^That's funny because my hair has three textural zones! LOL I thought it was unusual. You gotta go back 4 generations to find the white guy in my family so go figure. I even have section of blond body hair that I hadn't noticed but my ex did.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  9. #34
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    it is not uncommon for blackfolk to have hair of multiple textures.

    but yeah, marrying a white guy so your kid's hair will be 'easier' is not a good reason to marry a white guy. nor is the 'mixeded babies are prettier' thing.

  10. #35
    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: Black girl blues

    Quote Originally Posted by PleasureVictim View Post
    Even with blonde hair, your skin color will never grant you a 'mainstream' pass. This is something you need to accept Lil, and just learn to love your skin color.

    Beyonce gets a pass because she is lighter. Her hair is much lighter than it's natural color because that is what the record company wanted- her to have a more 'Hispanic' look. (Their words).

    So what are your options...to bleach your skin?? Why do that? So some men can find you attractive? Fuck 'em. One thing the world has alot of are men who are willing and able. Black men do white women dirty also- don't get it twisted.

    I like white guys also....but I WILL NOT change my look to conform to what I think they want. The white guys out there who are attracted to black women accept their skin, hair, body--Everything! And I'm not referring to the ones who just want to meet in a hotel room for some action. I mean the ones who won't have a problem holding your hand in the street and introducing you to their friends.

    I'm not going to shoot you down for feeling the way you do about your hair. Many of us have problems with our texture. Very few magazines embrace our hair regardless of what PR bullshit they write. Even in our own community we don't accept our hair, it's been passed down generation to generation. It takes lots of hard work to break that cycle. We are all force-fed a certain ideal/image. Not just black women- Asian, Indian, Fillipino, etc.

    You have to decide if you will embrace another person's ideal or work with your own. If you want to have a long blonde wig and blue eyes, please don't do it because you think that is what men find attractive. These man you will attract more than likely are not the type you want to be in a long-term relationship with.
    I totally agree w/ what you're saying but, I also wanted to add I have blue eyes and my hair is naturally blonde..There are many women of color who look just like me. I can't say that were 100% accepted my "white" society either. It can be the complete opposite I've had people stutter and close the door in my face before at the mere fact that I could look the way I do and still have "Black" blood running through my veins.

    So over the years, I've learned to shock folks..I blast my music, I talk the way I want, I don't put up a front..I'm me take it or leave it. I'm mixed w/ several ethnicities but, I've always just considered myself Black. Which
    caused friction between my mother's side of the family and myself.

    I also at times have had people ask me "why I say I'm Black,why not just pass?" I've had clubs not hire me when they ask me what race I am and I say "I'm Black, well I'm mixed w/ other stuff but, I'm Black" or fire me when they see me hanging w/ other Black dancers and realize I'm Black.
    Like they just had a damn epihany or something.

    I think at some point you've just got to quit singing the blues and be happy with who you are. I have the low life Black guys trying to holla at me too. I just don't pay them any mind .
    My new love...is me !

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