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Thread: The Why's of Men

  1. #1
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default The Why's of Men

    The Why's of Men



    1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
    (Because they are plugged into a genius)

    2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
    (They don't have enough time)

    3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
    (They don't stop to ask directions)

    4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
    (Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
    (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

    5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
    (So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

    6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
    (You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

    7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
    (Dont know.....it never happened)
    (Cmon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

    And the personal favorite:
    8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
    (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


    Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!


    One for the ladies

    One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
    "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
    He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

    And they say blondes are dumb...
    -----------------------------------------------
    A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
    "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
    The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

    -----------------------------------------------------------
    "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A: A rumor

    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Dear Lord,
    I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
    AMEN

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Why do little boys whine?
    A: They are practicing to be men.
    -----------------------------------------------
    Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

    -----------------------------------------------------------
    Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Can we have this out?

    On RARE occasion if in company of a lady or sharing bathroom space with one, I often times, do my best to remember to put the seat down and clean it from my loose-canon standing action.

    But what's the big deal? I mean really. The big deal. What is? Why is it, almost guaranteed, that if a woman walks into MY hotel/apartment bathroom, sees the seat up, I get a grunt of discomfort?

    I don't care, but I just don't get the frustration, why not, just put the seat down and back UP when you're done?

    heeee heeee
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    ^ Dude, it's an exercise in spatial mechanics; if they can figure out how to do it, they still might chip a nail or something in the process.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    ^^^ Because think about getting up in the middle of the night and stumbling into the restroom. Okay, when you are little like I am and you sit down on a toilet with the seat up it's like falling into a pot hole ass first.

  5. #5
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    LOL. This was great.....

    I gotta say, bout the toilet seat. My boyfriend NEVER leaves it up. Why?
    Cause he never puts it up. He chooses instead to just leave it down, piss all over the seat, and then "forget" to wipe it off. Which I don't discover until AFTER I sit down.
    I trianed him real fast with that. After bitchign every single time had no effect...I started leaving water on the toilet seat. Soon enough, he sat down to take a shit, and sat on wet seat. I told him since he pissed all over the seat, I thought I could to. Hows it feel to have wet ass?

    He never did it again.

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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    This is good stuff! I like the genius/plug-in and vibrator/lawn mowing ones the best.



  7. #7
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    ^^^ Because think about getting up in the middle of the night and stumbling into the restroom. Okay, when you are little like I am and you sit down on a toilet with the seat up it's like falling into a pot hole ass first.
    In direct contrast though, think about getting up in the middle of the night in YOUR house and stumbling into the bathroom with the mindset that you have about 12 inches of error protection without knowing it's been reduced to 6 leaving your knees, shelves, floor, and shower curtain in the splash zone.

    Nothing ruins going RIGHT back to bed like piss on your knees.

    I'm not trying to be a complainer here, I have a good laugh when so and so GRUNTS in MY bathroom with humor and I know EXACTLY why...
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    ^^^ Because think about getting up in the middle of the night and stumbling into the restroom.
    but like mast noted, it's equal to a man in the middle of the night trying to navigate and operate a seat upwards as a woman would have in operating it downwards.

    btw, i always lift it and then put it back down. my grandmother taught me (gently) and i never forgot. it's just a matter of consideration imo like holding the door open. at least, that's how she explained it to me (altho i'm sure my girl cousins complained bitterly first ).

    but recognition that the concept swings both ways is also nice.

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    Can we have this out?

    On RARE occasion if in company of a lady or sharing bathroom space with one, I often times, do my best to remember to put the seat down and clean it from my loose-canon standing action.

    But what's the big deal? I mean really. The big deal. What is? Why is it, almost guaranteed, that if a woman walks into MY hotel/apartment bathroom, sees the seat up, I get a grunt of discomfort?

    I don't care, but I just don't get the frustration, why not, just put the seat down and back UP when you're done?

    heeee heeee
    Because there is one sex that has to touch that toilet seat a few times a day, we dont want that sex to be us. Yuk!
    A civilian spends money to look good
    A stripper looks good to make money
    A civilian may be after your wage
    A stripper laughs at your wage

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    Can we have this out?
    *puts dukes up*

    Look. Greedidlady summed it up pretty well. PART of it is about falling into the water, literally, if the seat is left up. Try it sometime, guys - I insist. Leave the seat up, and then try to sit ON the rim. How does that feel? Hmm?

    The other one is an aesthetic one, which simply supports the above. FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION. Everyone here, just LOOK at the toilet with the lid left up. It LOOKS WRONG, doesn't it? It's supposed to look wrong. It looks like a door left ajar. Frankly, I think that ultimately both seat AND lid should be put down whern finished, ideally, so that's on both the man and the woman.

    And about the issue of leaving the seat down resulting in spraying problems. Look. NOWHERE is it written - I promise -that men have to pee standing up. It's true! That's a choice, and I suspect that some part of you guys does it because they enjoy the taking-aim-with-your-weapon part of it. Come ooonnnnn, think about it and admit it. It may be convenient when camping or watering the roadside bushes on long driving trips (and I confess that I envy you on that point), but inside, in homes especially, it's a choice.

    Point of fact: I have dated not one but TWO men, long-term, who regularly peed sitting down as well. They were secure enough in their masculinity that they didn't buy into any macho bullshit teasing about such an act making them girly - they just knew it wasn't true, and preferred to take 2 minutes to get off their feet. After all, they both reasoned, they sat down to shit & didn't feel their manliness was compromised, so what was different about peeing, other than force of habit and memories of potty-training when they stood and aimed for the Cheerio that Mommy put in there for a focal point, making it into a game? Nothing, they realized. Therefore, they sat, and for them, having the lid down was just as important to them as it was to me. Life was harmonious.

    But ultimately: Potayto, potahto. It's an age-old argument never to be won.


    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    I'm not trying to be a complainer here, I have a good laugh when so and so GRUNTS in MY bathroom with humor and I know EXACTLY why...
    It's less of a "GRUNT", more of an exasperated sigh. For the record.

    *heads back to her corner of the ring*
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

  11. #11
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    *puts dukes up*

    Look. Greedidlady summed it up pretty well. PART of it is about falling into the water, literally, if the seat is left up. Try it sometime, guys - I insist. Leave the seat up, and then try to sit ON the rim. How does that feel? Hmm?

    The other one is an aesthetic one, which simply supports the above. FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION. Everyone here, just LOOK at the toilet with the lid left up. It LOOKS WRONG, doesn't it? It's supposed to look wrong. It looks like a door left ajar. Frankly, I think that ultimately both seat AND lid should be put down whern finished, ideally, so that's on both the man and the woman.

    And about the issue of leaving the seat down resulting in spraying problems. Look. NOWHERE is it written - I promise -that men have to pee standing up. It's true! That's a choice, and I suspect that some part of you guys does it because they enjoy the taking-aim-with-your-weapon part of it. Come ooonnnnn, think about it and admit it. It may be convenient when camping or watering the roadside bushes on long driving trips (and I confess that I envy you on that point), but inside, in homes especially, it's a choice.

    Point of fact: I have dated not one but TWO men, long-term, who regularly peed sitting down as well. They were secure enough in their masculinity that they didn't buy into any macho bullshit teasing about such an act making them girly - they just knew it wasn't true, and preferred to take 2 minutes to get off their feet. After all, they both reasoned, they sat down to shit & didn't feel their manliness was compromised, so what was different about peeing, other than force of habit and memories of potty-training when they stood and aimed for the Cheerio that Mommy put in there for a focal point, making it into a game? Nothing, they realized. Therefore, they sat, and for them, having the lid down was just as important to them as it was to me. Life was harmonious.

    But ultimately: Potayto, potahto. It's an age-old argument never to be won.

    *heads back to her corner of the ring*
    At the risk of causing a pissing contest , why can't women just LOOK to see if the seat is up or down? I mean, I always look before planting myself down for a dump.

    Meantime, I'm surprised that houses aren't being built with bathrooms featuring urinals, a design that would obviate this age-old problem and contribute to domestic tranquility.

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    To get back on the fun jokey topic, I'll add a "Why's of Women":

    Why do women have such bad depth perception?
    (Because they've been told so many times that THIS (holds thumb & forefinger up, about 3 inches apart) is six inches.)
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Take THAT, boys!

    I agree that the toilet is for funky waste just like a garbage can. Most dudes don't clean often enough to leave the seat up without it being really funky smelling and looking.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  14. #14
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
    (Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
    I LOVE THIS!!

    I agree that the toilet seat should stay down with the lid down too. It looks trashy and gross to have the seat up when the toilet is not in use. Fortunately K and I have never once had a problem with this; his mother raised her sons to keep the seat and lid down from day one. I got lucky!

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    *puts dukes up*

    Look. Greedidlady summed it up pretty well. PART of it is about falling into the water, literally, if the seat is left up. Try it sometime, guys - I insist. Leave the seat up, and then try to sit ON the rim. How does that feel? Hmm?
    Probably as bad as having to clean the piss running down my legs because I didn't look to see the seat was down. But somehow that's STILL a male idiocy, yet somehow this isn't a sexist argument. LOL.

    The other one is an aesthetic one, which simply supports the above. FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION. Everyone here, just LOOK at the toilet with the lid left up. It LOOKS WRONG, doesn't it? It's supposed to look wrong. It looks like a door left ajar. Frankly, I think that ultimately both seat AND lid should be put down whern finished, ideally, so that's on both the man and the woman.
    Granted humorously put, I have to say that that's a perception relevant to you and those who have come to that conclusion. I've not looked at one long enough to decide which position the toilet seat needs to be in for it to be Feng Shui. But I put the lid down at home when I'm done cause I don't want to see it at all in most cases and THAT's the design, and TRY to remember to leave the seat down when entertaining or in one's domicile just because it's the right thing to do.

    And about the issue of leaving the seat down resulting in spraying problems. Look. NOWHERE is it written - I promise -that men have to pee standing up. It's true! That's a choice, and I suspect that some part of you guys does it because they enjoy the taking-aim-with-your-weapon part of it. Come ooonnnnn, think about it and admit it. It may be convenient when camping or watering the roadside bushes on long driving trips (and I confess that I envy you on that point), but inside, in homes especially, it's a choice.
    Sure it is a choice. But as most repetitive choices become HABIT, it is safe to say that some people just do things out of habit. I don't care if I stand or sit when I pee, really. But apparently SHE does when my habit inconveniences her habit. Choosing to be in someone else's dwellings is ALSO a choice. As with all habits, sometimes you just do something without thinking, out of habit/hurriedness and the like

    Point of fact: I have dated not one but TWO men, long-term, who regularly peed sitting down as well. They were secure enough in their masculinity that they didn't buy into any macho bullshit teasing about such an act making them girly - they just knew it wasn't true, and preferred to take 2 minutes to get off their feet. After all, they both reasoned, they sat down to shit & didn't feel their manliness was compromised, so what was different about peeing, other than force of habit and memories of potty-training when they stood and aimed for the Cheerio that Mommy put in there for a focal point, making it into a game? Nothing, they realized. Therefore, they sat, and for them, having the lid down was just as important to them as it was to me. Life was harmonious.
    I've dated 2 women long term, and MARRIED to one who took the time to learn how to stand and pee on their own as it offered them something that made them feel it was worth doing. I could give a shit (Literally HA!) about what my masculinity level is, and I do OFTEN sit when I pee when I'm reading and have to go, or stay after I'm done when engrossed in a good chapter. There, now the people of this site know that I am a girl. I mean really, c'monnnnnnnn Where's the valid argument here? How does this support it?!

    So BUY a toilet with a permanent seat, or just take the hinges out. It's doable! I wouldn't have the slightest problem with it anywhere. I'm just saying WHY does this raise the back hairs so?!

    But ultimately: Potayto, potahto. It's an age-old argument never to be won.
    Precisely. I brought the whole thing up SIMPLY to point out that this is something WOMEN expect of men and choose to get exasperated about instead of looking first. I just find it absolutely hilarious that the reaction leaving the seat causes (however infrequently and by whom) is often responded to as if I violated her privacy. Never really a big deal, but this is ALWAYS the zeal something like this comes to. It's funny really. It just seems like, it's equal on BOTH sides of the argument. Both men AND women are inconvenience by their lifestyles in front of the bowl, yet men are TRAINED to be docile and look at it as complaining when approached with instead of coming to a reasonable compromise in the events of long ranged mutual living. Typically when this is an issue at ALL, it's a sign of a much bigger one.
    It's less of a "GRUNT", more of an exasperated sigh. For the record.
    still...Sexy sigh. Noted.
    *heads back to her corner of the ring*
    Hi. *Ding*
    Last edited by Mastridonicus; 08-31-2007 at 09:57 AM. Reason: That looked much angrier than intended. I really don't care, I just trying to see where the difference is.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    It just seems like, it's equal on BOTH sides of the argument. Both men AND women are inconvenience by their lifestyles in front of the bowl, yet men are TRAINED to be humble and docile when approached with this and not push back and come to a reasonable compromise in the events of long ranged mutual living.
    exactly my comments ditto'ing mast's previous one.

  17. #17
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    I don't care how it looks. She does. So spending .5 seconds to put the seat down to keep her happy is a pretty cheap investment with very good return.

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by Jay Zeno View Post
    I don't care how it looks. She does. So spending .5 seconds to put the seat down to keep her happy is a pretty cheap investment with very good return.
    Exactly

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Jay, you can come pee in my house anytime!
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Hahaha! Thanks for posting those pookie I needed a laugh.

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    Veteran Member stripperMBA's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I agree that the toilet seat should stay down with the lid down too. It looks trashy and gross to have the seat up when the toilet is not in use. Fortunately K and I have never once had a problem with this; his mother raised her sons to keep the seat and lid down from day one. I got lucky!
    I think it is just plain unsanitary to leave to lid of the seat up in general. Just imagine all the feces getting all over your toothbrush from the particles that fly out in flushing. Me and my brother both put the lid down before we flush.
    "Can we read it on the Smoking Gun? "

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    Veteran Member stripperMBA's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Pookie I am sorry I was thread jacking. Your joke post was hillarious. Here is a man joke to get everything back on topic for now.
    How do you know when a man is lying???
    He is moving his mouth.
    "Can we read it on the Smoking Gun? "

  23. #23
    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Why's of Men

    Quote Originally Posted by stripperMBA View Post
    Pookie I am sorry I was thread jacking. Your joke post was hillarious. Here is a man joke to get everything back on topic for now.
    How do you know when a man is lying???
    He is moving his mouth.
    Awww, its ok, im just glad that this is amusing everybody. threatjack-away..hehe , i posted this to start conversations. =)

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