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Thread: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    So, I am having social difficulties at school. There are a few girls in my class that don't like me very much and sort of make it known without really saying it out loud. I don't expect everyone to want to be my buddy. I just want to be able to get along since we all have to work so close together for a year. I thought for a moment it was age related since half the class is 18 but it's the oldest girls (mid-thirties) and a couple in their early twenties with the hatred. Is it a dominance thing? I sort of keep to myself at school for the most part. I might ask a question in class but I enjoy eatting lunch alone most days so I can reflect and absorb what I am learning. Do they think I am stuck up? I have made a point to speak to everyone and be friendly in the past. Do you think it's jealousy? What do you think the deal could be? What should I do? I want to remain professional but I feel like pulling a couple of girls to the side and asking them about it directly? Maybe I'm just weird..

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    Featured Member NatalieFRPhilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Probably jealousy, women have a tendency to be bitches when they think someone is prettier, smarter, better, whatever. Their insecurity is their problem not yours. I don't know what to tell you to do because I'm having a similar problem but..I just ignore it and pretend like they don't exist. Personally, I wouldn't confront them, but if it would make you feel better go for it.

  3. #3
    exotisch23
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Take it as a compliment. Seriously. I love when girls look at me dirty or act like they don't like me, it means they're jealous!

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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Don't worry about it too much. I don't know you, but from reading what you write on this board you seem like an intelligent (deep) and thoughful person. If people can't handle you it is not your problem.

    I am also an independent person. I often prefer spending time alone (such as lunch), but am always friendly and usually have a smile when someone approaches me. Some people just don't get it when you like down time to yourself and don't always feel like mingling with the crowd. Perhaps they are co-dependent?

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    If it's not jealousy, maybe they're shy too? Anyway, if they don't want to talk to you then sucks for them. Don't sweat it and take it personal, they just suck.
    Last edited by Vyanka; 08-31-2007 at 07:35 PM.

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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    It's ignorance they don't know you .

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    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Don't sweat it...just act professional and get your group work down as efficiently as possible.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Quote Originally Posted by crizgolfer View Post
    Don't worry about it too much. I don't know you, but from reading what you write on this board you seem like an intelligent (deep) and thoughful person. If people can't handle you it is not your problem.
    Thank you.

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Who cares? If they don't want to hang out with you then that is their loss, because you seem so sweet. But there's no point trying to win them over. They're just classmates, it doesn't matter whether they like you or not.

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    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    I know I shouldn't care but I am very sensitive to all sorts of energy. We are forced to work together on various group projects and then of course on each other. I just get tired of the stupid looks, comments and giggles. It's like dude, we have to work together, let's make the best of it and move on, I mean really. One girl got pissed off because the teacher asked us of some of the downsides of the business and I said well, it's pretty superficial and the girl freaked out. It's like she couldn't deal with the fact someone might have a different opinion than hers. I felt like saying hey, I know you have lived in redneckville and never left your whole life but outside of that close minded world people do have different thoughts and ideas. Geezzz...

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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    It's like she couldn't deal with the fact someone might have a different opinion than hers.
    The inability to listen (or hear) an opinion that differs from ones own is a sign of low self-esteem and weakness. Take the response as a compliment.

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    Featured Member sexy_celeste's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    I personally apply alot of strip club rules to life.

    Im friendly (sometimes overly) to people all the time.
    Make a point of saying "hi" when I see them "How ARE you?" *small talk with loads of questions.

    And compliments. "What a great I dea, I never thought of that before"

    If its group work, make sure you're not trying to lead too much. SW girls tend to be very assertive, with can be overwhleming for shy/insecure/low self esteemed peopl. "blah blah, What do you think Mary?" if Mary is positive then "I agree with Mary, what do you guys think?"

    On the other hand just dont worry. Im rather solitary at Uni, and prefer it that way.
    Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
    you just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    A lot of people interpret shyness and quietness (in other words distant and not particularly friendly) as snobbiness. Especially because these girls are right out of high school (which is a very social place) they expect you to be friendly. Otherwise something is wrong. They are probably thinking 'why won't she talk to us? She must not like us."

    You are confused because you came from the real world where people have more important things to do than try to fit in.

    If you just talk to them and introduce yourself, or maybe ask them what they think of the class or something, they'll probably warm up to you very quickly. That's MO.

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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    I think Lucky has a good point--to go ahead and engage with them and not worry: if you keep a sense of humor about you that will help get you through it. I agree with what has been said here, that you seem like an intelligent and thoughtful person from your posts. Probably you are very much an individual and this is threatening to the others; the humor, perhaps reaching out to help someone who seems confused about an assignment--these things will swing the tide your way. I always view these situations (and we all run in to them at one point or another) as a challenge--what can I do to make these people ambassadors for my cause? And if it doesn't work out, well, you gave it your best shot. Either way, you learn useful things about human nature.

    I hope all will be well and that you can concentrate on enjoying and learning from the class.
    JK Jim

  15. #15
    Vivacious
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Hey, Just to give you a few other ideas other than the great ones written here:

    Sometimes we think people don't like us when they DO. I have learned that over the years.

    Sometimes we think negative things about people, and it's almost like it bounces off of them and back onto us. Start thinking positive things about the girls who are mean to you (in your mind), and I swear, you will see a change in the way they treat you. Just experiment with this, it is so much fun.

    A lot of times groups of girls will want to see you make efforts in their direction. I hate this so much, because I am really independent too and kind of feel like I don't need a million friends, but this attitude can rub people the wrong way. Just make small, confident efforts, and that will usually appease the haters.

    What was your high school background like? A lot of girls were jealous and mean to me in hs, and unfortunately over the years, I've taken that with me and projected it onto situation after situation. I've discovered that it's just not a reality, and it's baggage that just doesn't hold true today. So, are you projecting something from the past onto your present?

    Also the girls in clubs can really be an aggressive bunch -- a lot of jealousy and competition can go on there (depending on the club), so make sure you're not seeing that in your classroom more than it really is there. You guys aren't competing against one another to make a living in school. That should make a huge difference.

    Lastly, some of the girls can be intimidated by you for whatever reason. When you walk in the room, don't eye your own desk and sit down. Walk in the room, make eye contact with someone, and confidently say, "Hi" as you go find your seat. I have found no one can resist a big Viv smile. Probably no one can resist a big "GreenidLady" smile either.

    BTW, I only write all of this because I totally, totally know what you're talking about. But it's so easy to turn it all around. It's almost fun. And these are skills you can use the rest of your life.

  16. #16
    Vivacious
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    PS Don't pull them aside and ask them directly. You will look silly, and they are under no obligation to tell you the truth, if it is actually true that they don't like you.

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why do they hate me, can't we just get along?

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    I know I shouldn't care but I am very sensitive to all sorts of energy. We are forced to work together on various group projects and then of course on each other. One girl got pissed off because the teacher asked us of some of the downsides of the business and I said well, it's pretty superficial and the girl freaked out. It's like she couldn't deal with the fact someone might have a different opinion than hers. I felt like saying hey, I know you have lived in redneckville and never left your whole life but outside of that close minded world people do have different thoughts and ideas. Geezzz...
    I want to say first, I am sorry you are going thru this!

    I met many differant people. I have met rich, poor, blacks, hispanics, asians,whites and arabic people who act this way! At times we get frustrated with people. Who can not simply process a differant idea, or opion differantly than thier idea. Due to some malfuntion in thier brain. I have notice that this is a common trait, among the human race. Yet times are changing and this trait is slowly fading into thin air. I look at them as not being open minded, and a liitle slow. They are not on the little yellow bus. Just maybe, we shoulds have a special bus for them!

    Ok the girls not liking you, well I had that same promblem. I was at a community college. I was doing extremly well, which made some people not like me. Sometimes women/men have this issue where they have to be the best. The day anyone else seem to be a threat or his a threat to them being the best. They throw an attuide, hissy fits, they start acting strange. Honey thier is a whole list! Not every one is mature enought to live life as a adult. They never mentaly pass highschool. My situations the girls was making threats. Teasing me all the time. One of the girls had a well known violent background. At least your situation is not as bad as mind was, just ignore them !

    You hang in there, It's get annoying yet you can do it!
    Last edited by leilanicandy; 09-03-2007 at 02:02 PM.
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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