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Thread: I Fail.

  1. #1
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default I Fail.

    This may sound pathetic, and I know that. And it might seem like I'm giving up, but I'm not. But I just need to get my thoughts out and here other people's responses.

    I'm so up and down lately. One minute depressed, the next I feel like it will all be OK. I know I'm depressed and it just doesn't go away in one day. I just want that to go away. Because then I'd be able to deal with life better. My husband is depressed as well, so this whole house reeks of negativity. I try hard to fight it, but it's so overwhelming that sometimes it's hard to even just get out of bed and try.

    I'm really trying to be both real and positive at the same time. For me and for R. But it's almost impossible to be both when reality is so overwhelming and negative right now. I keep saying to friends "We'll be OK, we've always figured out things and gotten by before" but in my heart I'm terrified.

    Money is the root of all of this evil. We just can't seem to get ahead. R has been struggling to find work, but it's just not going well. I cry for him and I cry for myself. I know he's trying. But sometimes other people ask just why he hasn't gotten a job yet, and when I can't tell them why it starts making me doubt my own husband and that makes me feel worse. I believe him, but it waivers sometimes.

    And it always seems that money is needed. We need more tissue, food, gas. It never ends. And then my student loan ended it's forbearance period and wants payments to start again. I have to move, don't have the money to do it, but must figure out a way, I need groceries, I need to take care of myself. I have no damn money, yet people are all holding out their hands for the share that doesn't exist.

    I tell myself that once I leave this money pit of a house, this city with no work for R, that it will get better. It has to. I want to start school, my life feels like it's in limbo, on hold. I've never seen my husband stress free since I've known him, and vice versa. We don't know what the other is really like when their happy. At least we're going through the worst right away right?

    God. I swear like Cally said, I feel like I fail at life. It's never enough. I want my life back!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    I don't think you're failing at life at all--this society makes us think we have to have money to be successful, but that has nothing to do with our souls, our character, nothing at all. That you and your husband are making it through this time takes soul and character, so I think you have to try and call on that. I know what you mean about depression--I've been hit by some hard situations in my last years and sometimes wondered if I would survive them. Some things overwhelm you and you just slug your way through. But sometimes the depression feeds on itself, and there is, as you say, an aura of negativity around; I've found in those times that if I can find one thing that I can control--even if it is just organizing my office, or something like that, I begin to feel better. I think this kind of depression, that we're talking about, is about feeling out of control--especially the money thing. But if you can start to take steps to figure a way out of it, together, you'll feel stronger.

    Easy to say, I know, much harder to do. Go moment by moment and try to find joy where you can. I recently lost a good friend of mine--he suddenly just died--and whenever I feel like I'm overwhelmed I remember that he would probably do anything to have what I have--a day of sun, friends, existence. When I get down now I try to remember those I've lost and how they would love to be here, and then small things--wind over grass, a monarch butterfly, the sound of a stream or the ocean, take on great value and I get through whatever I'm facing. It probably sounds corny but it works for me.

    I really wish you the best with this, and hope you guys can work as a team. Money can annoy you or can make you happy, but it cannot define you. Keep your chin up--I am rooting for you.
    JK Jim

  3. #3
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    It's even more disheartening that I have to sell all of my possessions. We will only have enough room to move stuff that fits in my small car, R's car, and his mom's van. And actually even less than that because we have 2 dogs and a cat to move with us. I will have nothing in 3 weeks. Except R. Thank god for him.

  4. #4
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Sweetheart, you know I love you, so I'm going to be truthful with you. I hope I'm helpful, and you don't get to pissed off.

    You choose to accept this problem, correct? When you married him, you knew the house was going to get foreclosed on, right? I remember reading that in your previous posts. So...klnowing the house was getting foreclosed, and going into the marriage/relationship anyway, you choose to accept the problem.
    Now you need to choose how your going to feel about it. You can act depressed, get upset, frustrated...but are any of thoes feelings helpful or productive?

    There is nothing you can do to change the situation now. Your in it. All you can do is choose how you feel about it, and how to deal with it. So you have to change how you feel abotu the situation. Try to look at the positive side.

    Your going to move to a new place. Fresh start. No more troubles. It will be in the past. Look foward to the fresh start, and don't dwell on this negative situation, because there's nothing that can be done here, and feelign bad won't acomplish anythign but make you feel bad.

    As for his job. He has been unemployeed for a very long time, and I'm sure this is putting an incredible pressure on you. If his job is so specialized, and soo hard for him to find a position, maybe he shoudl concider a different field? Maybe he could go back to school and learn a new trade? Look for jobs outside his field?


    All you can control right now is how you deal with the situation. Make a list of positive, productive steps that you can take, and then take action. Focus on the fact that you are takign action in right right direction, and feel good abotu it. Don't focus on the bad. That's really all you can do.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    One day you'll remember all this and how you stayed strong through it together, and that will be your best possession--your faith in one another. That is my wish for you.

    I sure understand. I've been through a few moves like this. A brighter day will come. Hang in there.
    JK Jim

  6. #6
    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    hang in there, bg! life is all about 'handling it day-by-day'. you're lucky you have R to stand by you and you for him. yes, it's difficult. but the rewards are that the good times are magnified for you to cherish even more by comparing them to the bad. some people have good but nothing for comparison and thus really don't appreciate what they have.

    don't worry about the "things". loved ones are the real treasures.

    just stick with your plan to deal with the immediate issues. i won't whitewash it, money is the root of all problems and solutions. but if you have a plan, just stick with it. there's no way a plan works unless you follow it.

    it's usually a difficult journey thru life but it's always completed by taking small steps. good luck to both of you.

  7. #7
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaylinn View Post
    Sweetheart, you know I love you, so I'm going to be truthful with you. I hope I'm helpful, and you don't get to pissed off.

    You choose to accept this problem, correct? When you married him, you knew the house was going to get foreclosed on, right? I remember reading that in your previous posts. So...klnowing the house was getting foreclosed, and going into the marriage/relationship anyway, you choose to accept the problem.
    Now you need to choose how your going to feel about it. You can act depressed, get upset, frustrated...but are any of thoes feelings helpful or productive?

    There is nothing you can do to change the situation now. Your in it. All you can do is choose how you feel about it, and how to deal with it. So you have to change how you feel abotu the situation. Try to look at the positive side.

    Your going to move to a new place. Fresh start. No more troubles. It will be in the past. Look foward to the fresh start, and don't dwell on this negative situation, because there's nothing that can be done here, and feelign bad won't acomplish anythign but make you feel bad.

    As for his job. He has been unemployeed for a very long time, and I'm sure this is putting an incredible pressure on you. If his job is so specialized, and soo hard for him to find a position, maybe he shoudl concider a different field? Maybe he could go back to school and learn a new trade? Look for jobs outside his field?


    All you can control right now is how you deal with the situation. Make a list of positive, productive steps that you can take, and then take action. Focus on the fact that you are takign action in right right direction, and feel good abotu it. Don't focus on the bad. That's really all you can do.
    No, when I married him, he wasn't worried about bankruptcy an still paying the mortgage.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    What is it you need out of life? Perhaps you already have it?

    Build from there.

  9. #9
    Veteran Member Casey4Now's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Oh Honey I feel for you. This year has been bad. I even have a Mon thru Fri, but school clothes and other unexpected expenses has put me behind. I have spent more than my budet ie credit cards that were Paid off.

    However, when I was feeling anxiety I brought myself back by relizing that some people do not even have the means to use the credit cards and at the very least I had these resourse to get the things I needed.

    Just be thankful that you have R to go through this with you there ar plenty of people going through this alone. YOU WILL MAKE IT!!

  10. #10
    Senior Member mollywog's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    *hugs* You guys love each other and you'll manage to work it out.
    The employment market really sucks right now, especially if you're a person that has "specialized skills". I'm starting to hate that phrase. I lost my job due to a major employee cutback where I was last March, granted, I kinda kicked back for a couple months on my unemployment, but the last few months I've been applying for all sorts of jobs, only to hear "oh, you're over qualified for this job" "oh, you have really good skills but they're specialized and we just can't use you right now" etc etc. I've even been applying for jobs totally outside of what I used to do. Nada. But, I try not to let it get me down, I've been in rough spots before and come out of them, and I will again!! And so will you and your hubby.

  11. #11
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    I dont know what to say except HUGS!! Of course..you know that just when you think you cant take anymore and life is the shits...something amazing happens and turns it all around. You'll get out..you'll start again and everything will be better then you could ever hope.
    Right now...concentrate on the things you wont be able to do when life goes back to "normal"......lie in bed watching tv and having sex all day, go for long walks at 3am on Tues without worrying about having to be at work the next day,work out like crazy so you can release those endorphins and feel great....

    It'll get better honey. You know it will.

  12. #12
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Oh sweetie... I don't know what else to say that hasn't been said... you just have to believe that it WILL get better if you work towards it, which you are doing!!! We're all here for you, believe in you, think you're fantastic, and support your decisions. **HUGS!!!** However, like Kaylinn, I am going to say something that may not make you happy... if the $$$ problem persists to the point of selling your posessions and ruining your every waking moment/jeopardizing the happiness of your relationship... then MY personal thought would be: it's time to reconsider dancing, if only for a SHORT period of time, just until R finds work or you guys are out of the red. I KNOW how hard it was for you to try to go back, how the physical insecurity was rough, how you didn't like dealing with a lot of personal/psychological aspects of the job... but geez... at this point it sounds like revisiting dancing for a temporary, short time just to get ahead on some bills MAY indeed be the easier, softer way. just a suggestion. but whatever you choose, i respect and am behind you, and wish you the best of luck.... feel better sweetie...

  13. #13
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    It's not even like this has been short term; we've been in this hole for almost 2 years!

    As far as dancing, seriously, I'm too fat. That and my health is poor.

    I also never ever want my mother in law to know, and she's coming in a few days, and we'll be staying with her. I'm like the daughter she never had, and I couldn't stand for her to have the chance to not like me.

  14. #14
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    ^^ Ahh, i see... yeah, poor health + mother-in-law does not = dancing. (i still disagree w/ the too fat part. I'm sure we've both seen girls BAnK at all kinds of weights... and I don't think you're fat, period.... but that's another issue... ) well, i'd offer you guys my CA apt. temporarily (i know it's too far S.) if it weren't the size of a freakin' prison cell... ... ehh you think i'm kidding....

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    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    I would just like to input the fact that I fail miserably at life right now, as it seems relevant.

  16. #16
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Thanks Embyr. It's the thought that counts

    Thanks everyone that replied.

  17. #17
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Quote Originally Posted by BrunetteGoddess View Post
    This may sound pathetic, and I know that. And it might seem like I'm giving up, but I'm not. But I just need to get my thoughts out and here other people's responses.

    I'm so up and down lately. One minute depressed, the next I feel like it will all be OK. I know I'm depressed and it just doesn't go away in one day. I just want that to go away. Because then I'd be able to deal with life better. My husband is depressed as well, so this whole house reeks of negativity. I try hard to fight it, but it's so overwhelming that sometimes it's hard to even just get out of bed and try.

    I'm really trying to be both real and positive at the same time. For me and for R. But it's almost impossible to be both when reality is so overwhelming and negative right now. I keep saying to friends "We'll be OK, we've always figured out things and gotten by before" but in my heart I'm terrified.

    Money is the root of all of this evil. We just can't seem to get ahead. R has been struggling to find work, but it's just not going well. I cry for him and I cry for myself. I know he's trying. But sometimes other people ask just why he hasn't gotten a job yet, and when I can't tell them why it starts making me doubt my own husband and that makes me feel worse. I believe him, but it waivers sometimes.

    And it always seems that money is needed. We need more tissue, food, gas. It never ends. And then my student loan ended it's forbearance period and wants payments to start again. I have to move, don't have the money to do it, but must figure out a way, I need groceries, I need to take care of myself. I have no damn money, yet people are all holding out their hands for the share that doesn't exist.

    I tell myself that once I leave this money pit of a house, this city with no work for R, that it will get better. It has to. I want to start school, my life feels like it's in limbo, on hold. I've never seen my husband stress free since I've known him, and vice versa. We don't know what the other is really like when their happy. At least we're going through the worst right away right?

    God. I swear like Cally said, I feel like I fail at life. It's never enough. I want my life back!
    Dude, dea and i are in the same boat, and hae been forever it seems. its not as bad out here as it was back in ct, but money is a major problem. I wish i could tell ya it will get better, but it hasnt for us yet. just hold onto love, it should get ya thru...i know it has us.

  18. #18
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    ^^ Ahh, i see... yeah, poor health + mother-in-law does not = dancing. (i still disagree w/ the too fat part. I'm sure we've both seen girls BAnK at all kinds of weights... and I don't think you're fat, period.... but that's another issue... )
    I disagree with the fat part too..esp since I saw the last pic you posted and you are thinner then me BG!! Fat is not a viable excuse. The rest is...but not fat. You're gorgous.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: I Fail.

    Everyone in this world has their own battles to conquer, some give up and others never give up. No matter how bad, keep pushing forward. Never give up, never back down. Best of luck to you. Also money isnt everything but it sure makes things a whole lot easier, therefore all i can say there is since your trying so hard, try harder.

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