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Thread: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Exclamation How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Ok girls, I've told you about my regular more than a few times on here. Anyway, for those who don't know about him here is the jist of it.

    • He's in love with me: he's had love @ first sight with me (almost 2 yrs)
    • Wants to give me his grandmothers wedding ring (he had it appraised @ $8,500)
    • Calls my privatephone and constantly wants to talk/hang out
    • Did I mention constantly professes his love for me, and reminds me constantly he wants to marry me
    • Spends a nice amount of money everytime he comes in to see me.
    Ok, so now that you have the run down here is my issue. He wrote me a letter a few weeks ago basically asking what our "status" was and if marriage to him was still something I want to do Ok, so now it's my turn to write him a letter back.


    I've been trying for a few days now to come up with something but everything I think of comes off as bitchy! I'm really not trying to be but, that's how the tone of it comes across when I write it.

    Anyway, what should I write? I want to continue seeing him but I do not want relationship with him, nor do I want to go out (movies or dinner) without being paid. Nor do I want to constantly be reminded that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and that when "we" get married, I won't have to dance anymore

    HELP!







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  2. #2
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    My gut reaction: better to lose a custie than to get a stalker, and I think you might be getting close to that with him, if he actually thinks you might marry him and the score is totally different. Be careful out there. This is why OTC is dangerous.

  3. #3
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Tell him that you are not in a place in your life where yu feel you can handle a serious relationship. That,while you very much enjoy the time you spend together and would hate to lose him as a friend, you dont want to lead him on by making promises you dont know you can keep. You are too young and have too much you want to accomplish before you feel you would be ready to make a serious commitment to anyone. And since you have no idea how long this will take or when you WILL be ready to think about entering a relationship with ANYONE...you dont expect him to wait for you. He should find someone who is ready to accept all he has to give. and that you really hope you will be bale to stay friends since he always brightens your day and makes you feel happy.


    If he pushes it after that....drop him. He'll turn into a stalker.

  4. #4
    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    I think I'll just copy your whole message Cam.

    Listen, I honestly love the money he gives me BUT geez does he annoy me. I woudln't mind continuing seeing him if he wasn't bringing up the marriage crap.

    I need more letter ideas to include girls. U know I have Platinum status, so I do know who's viewing this thread *evil laughter*







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


  5. #5
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    I would break up with him. It's the safest and most humane thing for the both of you. This kind of thing really freaks me out, and I can't imagine the money being worth it.

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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    i know it's hard to let the $ go ck... maybe there is a way you can tell him to ease up but still keep him in the club??

    i don't have very much advice, but i do have empathy <3

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    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Wow....marriage?! I thought Cameronkeys had a good response. Also make sure not to put time limits on it ie. "I'm not ready....right now" because he will read that thinking someday you WILL be ready, just not now. Don't leave him with any false hopes, is what I'm trying to say; don't be afraid of saying NO. Mention you are young, etc. If he doesn't take no for an answer and continues to call you and ask you about marriage, cut off all contact

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Just be careful I am sure you will handle this in a mature and rational way. Good luck and be safe.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Dear __________,

    You're a very sweet man and I truly enjoy the time we spend together. I love it when you come to the club to see me, it makes my night.

    As far as having a relationship with anyone, I am not ready for that right now. I feel I have a lot of growing left to do and don't want to hold anyone else back, or be held down for that matter. I would surely hate to lose you as friend and I know you want to keep coming to see me at work, so it would be best if we didn't push ourselves any further than we're ready to go.
    You have such a big heart and are such a generous man, I know one day you will find someone who is ready for all that you have to offer. I am not that someone.

    I know you'll be able to understand why I don't want to chance ruining our friendship, a great friend is hard to find! Thank you for flattering me so much with your offers, I'll see you soon!

    CK.



    Eh, I took a crack at it. It is harder than it seems....to word it without being bitchy, and yet still try to keep him coming in but at the same time get the point across that you want nothing more than a working relationship.

    Or there's the blunt version;

    Dear ____________,

    I can't marry you, I'm too young and you don't even know me. I enjoy talking to you in the club, when you aren't making me uncomfortable with the contstant compliments and proposals. Come in, hang out with me and chill on the lets get married stuff, it's sort of creeping me out.
    CK.





  10. #10
    God/dess JustJayda's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    What Ck's punk-ass didn't mention in this thread, is that she ran a background investigation (court websites) on this fucktard, and he has misdemeanor aggrevated stalking on his record in 1996!!!

    She didn't wanna post that, cuz she knows ya'll will rip her a new one. Now, the bastard is calling MY cell phone(yes, my damn cell phone) looking for her!!! I am so furious!!!!


    ARGGGHHH!!!!
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Part of me likes the blunt version better, actually. Maybe a cross between the two?

  12. #12
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post

    Did I mention constantly professes his love for me, and reminds me constantly he wants to marry me. [Italics added]
    Whereas I can see some customers pleading for a date (i.e. sex) with a dancer, suggestions of marriage have to be at the far end of the bell curve. In other words, this guy is crazy. Let me get this right. He has never seen you outside the club, in a normal setting? Yet he believes, really believes, that you two have a romantic connection so strong as to demand marriage?

    Again, he's crazy.

    I'm putting down the following bet: Once you shut him down, he'll graduate to full-blown stalker.

  13. #13
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Quote Originally Posted by JustJayda View Post
    What Ck's punk-ass didn't mention in this thread, is that she ran a background investigation (court websites) on this fucktard, and he has misdemeanor aggrevated stalking on his record in 1996!!!

    She didn't wanna post that, cuz she knows ya'll will rip her a new one. Now, the bastard is calling MY cell phone looking for her!!! I am so furious!!!!


    ARGGGHHH!!!!
    why does he have YOUR cell number??

    I understand her not wanting to completley cut him loose and lose a good source of income since he hasnt crossed completley over to the crazy place yet. He hasnt threatened her or anything...yet.
    This would be that last attempt to make things normal. If it doesnt work..I'd cut him loose.

    And I'd rip him a new one for calling a friend looking for me....thats crossing the line and I wouldnt stand for that. Set clear boundries and make him know that you will cut him off completley if he doesnt respect them

  14. #14
    God/dess JustJayda's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    why does he have YOUR cell number??

    I understand her not wanting to completley cut him loose and lose a good source of income since he hasnt crossed completley over to the crazy place yet. He hasnt threatened her or anything...yet.
    This would be that last attempt to make things normal. If it doesnt work..I'd cut him loose.

    And I'd rip him a new one for calling a friend looking for me....thats crossing the line and I wouldnt stand for that. Set clear boundries and make him know that you will cut him off completley if he doesnt respect them
    Cuz she didn't wanna call him from her phone, so we called him on three-way once months ago under the premise that she was using her friend's phone.

    Now the phucker thinks that he and I are cool, and he's taking liberties!!!

    ETA: I have actually met him, but he still shouldn't be calling me. All he does is sit there and ask me the same question 20 different ways, where's CK?, have u talked to CK? etc.
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  15. #15
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Quote Originally Posted by JustJayda View Post
    Cuz she didn't wanna call him from her phone, so we called him on three-way once months ago under the premise that she was using her friend's phone.

    Now the phucker thinks that he and I are cool, and he's taking liberties!!!
    Oh hell no. I had a friend do this once..fucker blew up my damn phone. Never again. I told him I would bring charges for harrasement if he bothered me again and that I wanted NOTHING to do with the situation. I told him that I did NOT approve of them being together and that I refused to give her the messages....made me be tha bad guy while leaving the door open for her in case she still wanted to hustle him.

  16. #16
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Uhm, K. can I retract my earlier post? CK, this guy sounds nutso!

    I'm sure the money is wonderful, but seriously....step back and take a look at this guy. If it were one of us complaining about a guy like this, and THEN we told you we also knew he had a record for aggrevated stalking AND called our friend looking for us....what would you, in your wonderful wisdom, tell one of us to do?

    Go the blunt route CK, straight forward "I'm not interested in being romantic. At all. I like it when you come to the club, but you need to chill out on the proposals and and flattery, then we'll get along fine. If you can't, say good bye now."

    (mumbling~aggrevated stalking, wtf?)




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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Cut and run on this loser. He sounds potentially dangerous. I think the blunt approach is best.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    It's guys like him that ruin OTC fun for the rest of us.

  19. #19
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Whoa, that sure did escalate quickly. Given Jayda's information, I would make him well aware that he is no longer welcome in your life.

    HOWEVER...stalkers get off on the fact that they have emotionally affected you, even if its negative. If you let him know that he's creeping you out, in his sick mind he will be satisfied knowning the impact he had on your psyche.

    You need to be cold and blunt about it. Tell him you do not want to see him anymore, you have no feelings for him and you never had. Make it clear that you just don't care, and that his presence in your life isn't of any value. That is cruel, but effective.

    Guys like this will take ANY signal and turn it around. I don't want to be reading the next volatacinnamonkisses.com. Good luck hun.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post

    You need to be cold and blunt about it. Tell him you do not want to see him anymore, you have no feelings for him and you never had. Make it clear that you just don't care, and that his presence in your life isn't of any value. That is cruel, but effective.
    I think that would really send him over the edge don't you think? I want to switch clubs, and hopefully that will throw him off. Since he moved about 3 months ago, he now drives about 1 1/2hrs to see me at work. I'm hoping to finally get my license (and car) within the next month or so.







    Some Douchebag: "[Pimp C] 12:43 am: its true we got to stick together the black people on SW CK you is teh condoleeza of SW"


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    Veteran Member fifi's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    I think you might be right CK. Maybe it's better to just disapear and ignore him. I mean, isn't there a certain risk that putright rejection will piss him off or make him even more obsessed. I don't know. What does everyone else think?

    However, if he has a history of stalking, I'd give it up on trying to hold onto him as a customer in any way, shape, or form. I'd say the goal now is to get rid of him.

  22. #22
    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses View Post
    I think that would really send him over the edge don't you think? I want to switch clubs, and hopefully that will throw him off. Since he moved about 3 months ago, he now drives about 1 1/2hrs to see me at work. I'm hoping to finally get my license (and car) within the next month or so.
    No. Being kind, sweet, and polite will push him over the edge of delusion. Cinn, check out this website, I know you've been here before: www.voltabianca.com

    For the longest time, everyone in this guy's circle was sucking up to his delusion, for whatever reason. Imagine, if early on, the stripper, or the people at her club, had been upfront with Jeff? Don't be angry, bitchy, whatever.

    Let him go. THEN....Don't answer his calls, ignore him if he comes to the club. If you must see him, blow him off and be disinterested.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
    "And do the cats give a shit? No, they do not. Why? Because they're cats."-from The Onion

    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

  23. #23
    sun child
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    I don't want to give you advice because it's such a sensitive matter. I don't want to say, "Be cruel and milk him for his money!" because no amount of money is worth your sanity and personal health. I mean, you don't know how crazy this guy could possibly get. He was convicted of stalking once. I doubt that was the only time he's stalked someone. First, please change your private phone number. If that isn't a prepaid, get a prepaid to call customers with, because anyone can track your cell number to your identity, address and family members' names on intelius. There might be a way to diffuse this situation, and only you can figure that one out, but don't let a few thousand dollars be the cause for a situation that will almost positively become hairy.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    hey Kat, it's actually http://www.voltabianca.info/

  25. #25
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: How To: Write my Custy a letter..

    Kat's right. Don't be mean, just be like, "dude, I'm not marrying you, that's crazy. D'ya want a lapdance? Okay bye..."



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