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Thread: Paige Has A Rant.

  1. #1
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Paige Has A Rant.

    I really try not to rant... I really do. But I really wanna right now so... sorry ahead of time. I'll be back to my normal, Rock For Everyone state soon.

    I'm so tired. In my body, in my brain.... I have a lot of stuff, on a teeny plate. Like Big Huge Italian Restaurant sized dinner portions on a bread plate. Yanno? I'm sure yanno. Ya'll are way too awesome to not know.... I dunno. Stuff.

    I've been on a forum for asexuals lately, to try and mend my relationship... but lack of energy has had me so offline anymore... and I feel so... DUMB. I dunno why, I just feel like a total heel.

    I've been battling my health insurance folks over a test that my doctor and I really feel that I need to have done. Said PPO wont cover a single cent of the VERY huge bill. Holy stuff! It's so frustrating! To the point of long sobbing bouts. I've been battling these sleep issues for so long now, and I get SO close to something that might help... and WHAMO! No dice from the effin stooges at Aetna. I'd be able to werk off this bill and then do it, if I was sleeping enough to function at all of my jobs. Again, holy stuff! But this insurance is so cheap compared to what it'd cost me sans the job insurance. I know, I'm getting what I pay for, yeah? Meh.

    Now I have some weird issue with pain in my finger... and that's been costing me a ton too. All of which I can't pay... and which adds new debt collectors to my Call Paige Daily list. Yay! No, no.... not yay.

    Insomnia + sleep paralysis + OCD brain chaos + depression = no energy whatsoever... Werk(s) = so hard to do, if I can do it all. I find myself struggling to muster up energy to do online things... my site, email, SW, etc. I've gotten so snippy and distant.... and I am SO sorry to ya'll for being that way on here.

    I have family/estate issues that are going to require a lawyer at some point. THAT is going to be fun. I am literally terrified to talk to my family because the idea of all of the drama makes me puke. Like, literally project forth with the food bits.

    I want to get back to werks. All of them. I miss them. I feel like a bum when I can't do it. My inner Caretaker is livid with the rest of me.

    I wish that my insurance covered therapy. I heard a rumor that there is a free counseling place somewhere in my county. I need to find it.

    I've been told a few times that I could probably get disability for my ED/LD and the sleep issues... but I struggle to make phone calls... getting my arse into the benefits office is gonna be an experience...

    I am so hungry and I am so sick of being squishy... so I try to ignore my stomach. Trying to ignore a stomach that is achingly hungry at all waking moments? So not fun.

    I'm sorry. I'm just ranty and drinking and... blah. I'm done now.
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    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
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  2. #2
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Hang in there girl, sorry you are having trouble...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

  3. #3
    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Aww, sugarPaigeplum. I don't know what to say because I struggle with many of the same issues myself. Some of the things that you said that rang especially true with me are:

    -fearing family drama
    -having difficulty making phone calls
    -exhaustion in regard to dealing with health insurance nonsense
    -health insurance not covering therapy, when therapy might be the one thing that would decrease your other health problems
    -body image issues

    ^^^All of the above I paraphrased so I could issue a big emphatic DITTO, ME TOO, ToTH ALSO! in your direction.

    Blah. And hugs. And blah. And more hugs. When I figure out how to overcome life exhaustion I will fax you a memo.

    In a meantime, have more hugs:

  4. #4
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Quote Originally Posted by teeth_of_the_hydra View Post
    ^^^All of the above I paraphrased so I could issue a big emphatic DITTO, ME TOO, ToTH ALSO! in your direction.
    Yep..here too. Seems to be something quite a lot of people struggle with. Insurance can be both a savior and a demon...often at the same time.

    I wish I knew how to fix it honey. If theres anything i can do for you..let me know. Hell...I'm only a few hours south if you want to get away for a weekend..maybe a change of scenery would do you good(esp when coupled with a pizza-and-80's-movies sleepover!!)


    Big Hugs!!

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Aw- Paigey! I was afraid the rant was going to be what a pain it is to moderate the lounge and how annoying all us SWers were... but instead its this. I am sad to see you sad. Can TOO or Mast or somebody please go rescue her? Somebody help our Paigey!!!

  6. #6
    Featured Member cottoncandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    I'm sorry Paige. It's too bad the insurance isn't helping. I've had problems with insomnia and depression too. Maybe if you took a hot bath and took some over the counter sleeping pills (which are the same as antihistamines) that might help you relax and sleep. When I haven't slept well I'm a mess.

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    Veteran Member Habinairo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    I"m sorry Paige, I don't know if this will help, but when I just stop functioning well, and I know I need to do things, like call counsellors and doctors. I try to make a list of the calls I need to make, and do one a day. At least then, it's not so much, but you feel good for accomplishing one thing. Maybe completing one task may perk you up to do maybe one more. Then, take a good novel, and rest.

    I don't know if you've tried this, I hope I don't sound like a know it all either, I just really hope you do okay.

  8. #8
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    I definitely know what it's like to have so much stress and sub par health. Hang in there with me Paige!

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    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    I totally feel you with the insurance problems, and the stress that comes along with all of it. I don't have any advice at the moment, but I just wanted to let you know I understand where you are coming from. It will get better.

  10. #10
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    I'm so sorry. We're here for you.

  11. #11
    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    With much sympathy here too. You know everyone here's rooting for you!
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    *hugs* I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. We all love you bunches, and I hope you feel better soon. I <3 paige
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    It sounds to me like you're fighting on all fronts, Paige, and you need to have somewhere to go...spiritual or physical...where you can center yourself do something you love and get away from it all--even if you only get an hour a day at it. Otherwise, the world keeps demanding your energy, and you just can't replenish. You've got to take some of yourself back.

    I know just how you feel...have been there too many times myself. The medical stuff can really knock you down. Here's to hoping for some peace for Paige! Hang in there: we're rooting for you.
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Paige- first of all, I am so sorry you've been going through this... second of all, I may have some suggestions.... crack open the yellow pages to "social services" and I'm SURE you'll find some free counseling adverts.

    Look in a local paper for some sleep studies at the nearest hospital or research university!!!!!! Not only will they run tests & such, but many even compensate you!!!! Would this be a possibility????

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    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Sorry Paige. Especially given your lack of ranty tendencies.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Featured Member Christany's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Ya know, you might be going through some stuff right now. But something tells me that you'll jump over these hurdles and find some consolidation. Essentially, you have the key ingredient to finding success, and that is in your ability to recognize and identify what exactly your stressors are. And you've already been able to separate each thing into a neat, organized list to boot. This will make it easier to keep perspective and just work on one thing at a time.

    Maybe you could try an exercise someone taught me a while ago. Print out this list of things/stressors. Then choose one which would be the easiest and offer the quickest gratification. Then cover all the others up with a piece of paper and just look at that one task. With the others covered up, doesn't really seem as overwhelming anymore....tricking your brain into some soothing and focus. Then go do that one thing. Once you get the momentum going.....

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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    If I had a tank...

    Well I don't really need one. I know you don't either. I hope you get some sleep on your next sleep cycle. I know you'll work it out.

    We are over the half way hump on year of the pig. I know its not done with me yet, but I know I'm doing better than the last one. You will as well.

    Keep fighting, one day, one hour, one minute, one second, one moment, just keep fighting.

    Would be fun to have a tank though 'eh?
    I've come a long way since I believed in anything, and I've come half way around the world.

    Where you come from is gone.
    Where you thought you were going to was never there,
    and where you are, ain't no good unless you can get away from it.

    -Quote from a mix of Ministry's "Jesus Built My Hot Rod"

    Help this cat on his quest for World Domination!

  18. #18
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    awww, hugs to you Paige. It sucks to have to go through shit like that. You are so lucky to have your health insurance. I have none. All those damn pre-existing conditions make you feel like a leper when you try to get insurance. Fuck insurance companies.

    Maybe you just need a change? When I get really stressed and irritable (like I've been lately) it helps if I just take off a bit and just go to the movies or take a vacation (which isn't always an option) but some change of pace. Or maybe you could try finding another job altogether.

    I've heard about the free or low cost counseling but I'm not sure how to go about finding it. maybe try psychology.com (I think that's the one) or some other referral sites.

  19. #19
    God/dess velvet's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    hugs paige.

  20. #20
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Oh noes! Paige, I hate that you're sad. It's just not fucking FAIR. Because you're an awesome chick and you really deserve better than to have all this drama.
    I wish I had a magic solution. And if you're anything like me, you'll be reading all these replies searching for one and coming up disappointed when everyone is coming short of giving you one.
    But please, hang in there. Whatever that means. Does it mean 'don't kill yourself'? Or does it mean, just say FUCK IT and enjoy all the little pieces of happiness you can find because
    life is short
    life is shit
    and soon it will be OVER!

    (anyone recognize where that's from? ehhh? ehhhhh?)

    Okay I'm done being stupid.

    But I will not be done being here for you! I hope you see the light at the end of your tunnel soon. And I don't mean that in a perverted way.

    xoxo

  21. #21
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Yay hugs! I collect them now. Yis. *hugs* Me and my wine are sending hugs back!

    Quote Originally Posted by cottoncandy View Post
    I'm sorry Paige. It's too bad the insurance isn't helping. I've had problems with insomnia and depression too. Maybe if you took a hot bath and took some over the counter sleeping pills (which are the same as antihistamines) that might help you relax and sleep. When I haven't slept well I'm a mess.
    My Dr has me trying a new medication... and it works, but not very quickly... if that makes sense? It takes hours to kick in, which is weird. I hope to get her to change it up soon... cause OTC stuff is weird for me. Either 2 Unisom make me wide awake, or I have to take a handful to get tired and it ends up making me puke. Blurgh. I'm going to keep trying this thing I'm on to see if I get used to it and fall asleep faster... but if not... I dunno.


    Quote Originally Posted by jhuka View Post
    It sounds to me like you're fighting on all fronts, Paige, and you need to have somewhere to go...spiritual or physical...where you can center yourself do something you love and get away from it all--even if you only get an hour a day at it.
    I should just hop in the car and drive, huh? I'd like to wander back over to Cassadaga one of these days... maybe I will.


    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    Look in a local paper for some sleep studies at the nearest hospital or research university!!!!!! Not only will they run tests & such, but many even compensate you!!!! Would this be a possibility????
    I've called 2 clinical trial places who are doing insomnia-related studies... they both turned me down because I have multiple sleep issues. They said that they can only take people dealing with ONLY insomnia. Meh! The test that my insurance wont cover is an overnight sleep test/study thingy... and that's the closest I can get, if I can come up with the $$$ yanno? Whee.
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    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  22. #22
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter View Post
    I've called 2 clinical trial places who are doing insomnia-related studies... they both turned me down because I have multiple sleep issues. They said that they can only take people dealing with ONLY insomnia. Meh! The test that my insurance wont cover is an overnight sleep test/study thingy... and that's the closest I can get, if I can come up with the $$$ yanno? Whee.
    Picky fuckers! I'm sorry...

  23. #23
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    Picky fuckers! I'm sorry...
    Really! But I guess I kinda see why they'd do it... I think.

    But the one place is also doing a study for Female Sexual Dysfunction, so Imma try out for that one too. w00t!
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
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    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  24. #24
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Paige, I am sorry you are going through hard times. You're a wonderful, intelligent, strong, and beautiful person inside and out... and you will make it through. I just wanted to say this. I will keep you in my prayers.

    *big hugs*



  25. #25
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Paige Has A Rant.

    Your Wife Adores You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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