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Thread: how can i stop letting things get to me?

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    Default how can i stop letting things get to me?

    i let things affect me WAY too much. if something goes wrong, i focus on it and cant get out of my funk. and i can change from happy to crappy so fast. the other night, for example, i started out really well at work. it was a slow tuesday and i started selling dances as soon as i got on the floor. i was in a good mood and people could tell and i was barely getting told no. then a friend and i had a conversation about something that prob shouldve waited til after work, but i got upset, couldnt get it out of my head, and could barely sell dances the rest of the night. it was ok because the same few guys stayed allll night, so at least it was a tuesday, but i need to stop this.

    it happens in everything, not just work. when something negative happens, i cant stop focusing on it and i cant get out of a bad mood. so how can i stop letting the little things bug me so much?

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    I used to center in on negative things too; I could never shake the thoughts, and it would just rerun over and over.

    If it isn't a life or death situation, it helps to think very practically about it.

    Like the problem with your friend...let's just say it was a fight over something silly, like a guy (just a for instance). It helped me to think "Can this situation be fixed right now?" In most cases, such as when you're working, the answer is a big no. It can help to seriously remind yourself that dwelling on a problem isn't going to solve it. By thinking of it like that, you can usually push it aside so you can focus on the immediate, like work.

    Once you get home, then you can think, not of the problem itself, but solutions. That way, you move from negative, depressing thoughts, to positive thoughts about rectifying the situation.

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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    oh, i wasnt fighting with my friend! she just told me some.. interesting.. things a few people at work said about me. yeah, i know, why the fuck do i care? that's my problem.. even things that shouldnt get to me do!

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    ^Oh I know...but since I didnt know what the thing was that upset you, I just made up an example of something that could upset someone.

    But as I said, it helps to ask yourself questions, like "How does this affect me" "Is there any way I can help right now" to put it in perspective.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    Here is what I do...

    I see negativity as this evil person who comes along to try and ruin my perfectly happy day.This evil person knows how to push my buttons and will say and do anything to bring me down. Do I let them? No. Why? Because that is what they want. I tell myself not to be naive and be brought down by their shit, because that is what they want. If I give in, then they win. Why let those fuckers win? Instead, I stay positive, because that is what pisses the negativity off, and since positivity is way stronger than negativity, eventually the negativity will lose its power and back off, therefore allowing me to enjoy my happy day..

    God I hope what I just typed made sense..
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    God/dess LuckiCharm's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    Britt, I know what you're talking about. You do get really upset about things- I even see it in things you post! Example- The breathalizer thing! You were so hard on yourself that time!

    I used to be like that too, but in the past couple years my whole outlook on life has completely did a 180. I don't know why, but it did. Now, I just really see being upset as a waste of time. We only have one life and I don't want to spend more than I have to being upset about something. As long as you recognize that you do let things get to you so easily, I'm sure it's fixable. Next time something upsets you, let it go. Just move on to something else. Force yourself to think about what's for dinner, or what's goin on here at SW- ya know, exciting stuff!

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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    I do the same thing, and honestly, I do not think there is a solution, I think it is a personality thing. I own a house, have a loving handsome husband, two wonderful daughters, am young and hot, make lots of money, and I am constantly depressed. ( I just try and think of all I have, and be glad I don't have to work at wal-mart! ha ha. Reading the local news makes me feel better too. It could be a HELL of a lot worse....

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    God/dess xdamage's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    I think it's a personality thing too. It's a trait that can work for you or against you. It can work for you in the sense that you can be the type of person who is motivated to fix issues that really are dragging you down, and/or avoid them in the first place. It can work against you if you can't separate what is important vs what is not worth spending emotions and thoughts on.

    And I think bmxryder is on a to a key point. Try to see things in terms of being thankful for (fill in the blank). Relative to the rest of the world, the reality is that most of us in the USA have things very good. We have our freedom, health, lots of money as compared with most. If you also have youth, beauty, and intelligence, even more things to be thankful for.

    Another thing that can help is the notion that even when things don't seem to work out as you would have wished, consider it could have been worse. Like the other day I had a flat tire. While that was not pleasant, I also considered who knows, maybe if I didn't have the flat I'd have driven faster (a bad habit I do have) and had an accident. There is just no way to know the future, it's in our heads to see the glass as half empty or half full.

    For example, you mentioned the breathalyzer thing. On the positive side you didn't have an accident which could have disfigured, or killed you or someone else, and due to this incident, who knows, maybe you avoided that possibility in the future as well.

    I don't want to imply that there is some angelic force watching out for us, but seeing things in terms of it could have been worse, or maybe this is a blessing in disguise, can affect perceptions and feelings, and if we do it long enough, our feelings and reactions to negatives are reduced.

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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    hey, the breathalyzer thing was worth freaking out over! i couldnt start my car! haha..

    xdamage, i know what you mean about things happening like that. i think of that all the time. if i'm running late and then there's an accident on the way i think that if i had been on time maybe that wouldve been me. stuff like that. but its weird the things that i let get to me. like, running late doesnt bother me. i walked into class 40 minutes late the other day without thinking twice about it because there wasnt anything i couldve done about there being no parking. so i dont get why i think that way about some things, but not others. its weird, maybe it is just my personality to go to the extreme with my moods. but i dont like it and i wish i could change it. and when it messes me up at work thats even worse.

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    i let things affect me WAY too much. if something goes wrong, i focus on it and cant get out of my funk. and i can change from happy to crappy so fast. the other night, for example, i started out really well at work. it was a slow tuesday and i started selling dances as soon as i got on the floor. i was in a good mood and people could tell and i was barely getting told no. then a friend and i had a conversation about something that prob shouldve waited til after work, but i got upset, couldnt get it out of my head, and could barely sell dances the rest of the night. it was ok because the same few guys stayed allll night, so at least it was a tuesday, but i need to stop this.

    it happens in everything, not just work. when something negative happens, i cant stop focusing on it and i cant get out of a bad mood. so how can i stop letting the little things bug me so much?

    I do that too. A Therapist told me its because during my lifetime Iv had more practise at being unhappy, and not enough practise learning about being happy. In fact being happy for too long ( a whole day) makes me nervous because its unfamiliar to me.
    So if you`re like me, you choose sad/worried/stressed as your default , basically because it is and its not a pleasant feeling but at least you know it well.
    He said a few things that I have to repeat to myself everyday, just to remind myself of them because I forget. And they are:
    1) You are allowed to be happy
    2) You are allowed to be happy ALL the time
    3) There is no law thats states you have to balance out being happy with a crappy event.

    The first two I still cant truly get my head round, wierd huh?

    Anyway, hope this helped a lil`
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    jezzebelle, that's very interesting. but i dont think it applies to me. i always think of myself as a pretty happy person. (that might not be so obvious on here, but thats because i post the bad things, not usually happy threads) things just bother me a lot, haha! but i was always a happy kid and stuff. its just that my emotions are extremes.. if i'm happy, i'm REALLY happy. if i'm unhappy, its REALLY unhappy.

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    Featured Member Jezzebelle's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    Yep I know what you mean. The happy medium bores the life out of me though, LOL

    Are you very sensitive too? Maybe thats why?
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    I don't know how to be happy either. Small things bother me, like people saying shit on messageboards. Rationally I know what's true about me and what isn't, but for some reason I get worked up over these things.

    Fifty people could give me a compliment and one give me an insult and it's only the insult that I remember. I'm sick like that.
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Fifty people could give me a compliment and one give me an insult and it's only the insult that I remember. I'm sick like that.
    yes!!!! that's how i am. you just said it better.

    maybe youre right, jezzebelle, about me not feeling right being happy. i thought about it.. and when i'm happy, it's like ok, now what? i do feel strange and uncomfortable when i'm happy over something. i get super happy and excited and then it's "well, ...what now?"

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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    .. and when i'm happy, it's like ok, now what? i do feel strange and uncomfortable when i'm happy over something. i get super happy and excited and then it's "well, ...what now?"
    I use to do that a lot when I was younger, and still do to some degree. Not enjoy being happy, as if I don't deserve to be happy and expect to be swatted down. I figured out why I do it, but I still haven't quite figured out how to stop doing that, so if you do let us know.

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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    I know what you mean, Britt--I think, from what little I know of you, that you are something like me in this: you are a romantic, and what really gets you down is that the world is not what you expected...you were having a good night and then you hear some back door thoughts about you from your friend and the world as you know it changes and collapses, really, for a while, and it is hard to recover from. I have lately been disappointed in people I thought I knew: I realize now I just wasn't seeing certain things that were there, ie the instinct in me to see things with empathy makes me blind to other realities. You don't want to live without empathy, and I don't think you could--but maybe we can live with more of a real sense of the world...to evaluate people, consciously, more shrewdly, so that they don't disappoint us. And then when they do to remember that the conflict is in them, not in you, and to brace yourself to your duties, even if you don't feel like it, and move on.

    It is hard to live with so many emotions raging, but we can do it! Hope this is some small help--
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    Jhuka, you are so good with words!

    Britt, I got this hang up because I grew up with a very pessimistic family. Murphys law and all that bollox. Expecting the worsed, even in jest is not healthy.
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    I have this same problem!! But I take the bad news or whatever it is and blow it up like it's the end. Whatever it is, it's the worst possible thing. I'm rarely happy, but not always unhappy. Right now I have things driving me crazy but there is nothing I can do about it and it pisses me off and that makes it worse. Can it be worse because I'm a man? I mean everyone else on this topic is a woman, do men do this too or should I have been a woman??????? Most guys just say fuck it, get in a big fight or whatever. I feel I have to go along with whatever it is because if I don't its going to be worse.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    Senior Member mollywog's Avatar
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    Default Re: how can i stop letting things get to me?

    I won't deny that there are still a few things that can push my buttons like that, but what helped me get over most of it was just realizing that if I was letting myself get all upset about stuff, that I was giving them a hell of a lot of power over me. I wouldn't let someone drag me around by my hair would I? Nope. So why was I letting them drag me around by my emotions??????? And situations should have even less power because they're just situations.

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