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Thread: Help!

  1. #1
    Member candlelily's Avatar
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    Default Help!

    Last month, I agreed to work with a photographer who turned out to be a really crazy stalker who called me all hours of the night, pressured me to answer all sorts of personal questions, threw tantrums at me for not paying enough attention to him and wanted to do fetish work. I got really scared, called the police, and cut off all contact.

    To get revenge (though according to him, "out of concern" for me), he mailed my parents nude photographs of me and all the personal information he knew about me, including that I had been dancing.

    They have kicked me out of the house, decided not to pay for me to take LSAT courses or go to law school, or to support me in any way, and have announced they are going to start calling relatives to warn them about my lifestyle so that their kids don't have to be exposed to me.

    They have lectured me on how this is prostitution, or one step away from prostititution, and that I will be down the drain and no one will ever love me. They basically are calling me a whore, and I am no longer allowed to use the same toilets they do.

    So I'm moving out in a couple days. I like dancing...I don't do sexual things with men...I don't even drink, much less do drugs...but they are making me feel so hurt and alone right now, and I don't know what to do.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member fifi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help!

    First of all, I am so sorry. That is an awful lot to go through in the course of a month. But you will be ok. I know what it's like to be rejected by your family. Mine did it repeatedly sincce I was about 14 untill I was 22. I understand what a horrible mind fuck that can be. They've called down a lot since then, but honestly, I've come to realize that some thing shave just been broken one to many times. I care about them and love them dearly, but not like I used to, and I doubt I will again.

    i'm sorry this freak did this to you, but trust in yourself and you will be ok. Remember, you're a dancer. You can make a very good income and take care of yourself as long as you make smart choices and stay away from drugs. Good luck to you. i'll extend my good energy to you tonight.

  3. #3
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default Re: Help!

    Gosh, that's such a horrible way for your parents to react. I guess I can't really comment, because I've kept my dancing hidden too, due to fear mine might react in a similar fashion.

    Just stick it out, it's gonna be fuckin tough at first, but hopefully they'll come around eventually.

    Good luck.

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    Veteran Member hearts's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help!

    I'm so sorry that this has happened to you!
    First of all, be very aware in all that you do. Having a stalker is scary, but keep your head on straight, don't be afraid, and stand up for yourself. Get yourself pepper spray. Now.
    Second, your family is treating you poorly, and YOU DO NOT DESERVE IT. Do not fall into guilt tripping yourself over their judgements. Live your own life FOR YOU.
    If you do want to have contact with them, give it time. When you move, give them your contact number with a note that says, "Call me when you are ready to accept me for who I am, and you want your daughter back." They will miss you.
    The best way to show them is to support yourself. Get out there and work and pay your own way.

  5. #5
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help!

    I am so sorry that asshole photographer did that to you, because that is *seriously* fucked up. It may not seem like it right now, but you will get through this. I know how it feels to have a family freak out when they find out about you dancing, and it sucks. It took a long time for my mom to talk to me again after she 'cut me off' for dancing, but she did give in after a while. Hopefully yours will come around too.

  6. #6
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Help!

    Screw your parents. Start applying for every loan and grant you can get your hands on. Do it yourself...you dont need them, esp if they are going to treat you like htis.

    Screw the photog too. First..get a restraining order...have him arrested for stalking/harassement if you can. Make his life fucking miserable. Second..talk to a lawyer about suing him for the damage he has done to you...mental anguish, pain and suffering..blah blah. I'm not one to advocate lawsuits...but some people seriously need to be taken down.

    I'm sorry this happened to you...you dont deserve this

  7. #7
    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help!

    I am so sorry this has happened to you. Cameron has a great idea about suing him. That might make you feel better.

    As for the situation with the parents, I went through something very similar. My mother actually stole personal/sexual pictures of me and is using them as "evidence" against me. I've been cut off, and they no longer speak to me. She thinks I am a prostitute. (Nope, just a dancer.) They refuse to tell anyone in my family or any family friends what I do because I'm an "embarrassment" to the family. Rejection from parents is the hardest. No matter how unattached you become, there will always be a part of you that craves their approval. I just don't listen to that voice anymore, even though it's still there. Hugs to you.

    As for a loss of their financial support, which was somewhat alluded to... My parents cut me off two weeks before my senior year in college (one week before tuition etc was due with no way to pay for it.) You will find a way. I did. And you will look back on it and pat yourself on the back. It's actually empowering.

    You are not a dirty person. You are not a bad person. For someone that has been through this, I wish I could offer you a hug in real life. It will get better. Things may not be repaired with your parents, but after the brunt of the pain passes, you will be able to separate yourself from what they are labeling you as and see yourself as a complete and wonderful person in spite of them.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Strippers are like ninjas. You never know how many there are or if the person next to you is one.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    ...I assume you probably don't want to deal with pervs, and the guys that just don't give a fuck about money are like unicorns...
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    I know I have said it before, and I'll say it again.... THE VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!


  8. #8
    Featured Member AznExtasy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help!

    What the hell kind of photographer is this? A real licensed photographer would usually act professional about things, he sounds no different than the creeps you meet in the club trying to date you. Fuck him.
    I'm sorry to hear about your family. Parents are sometimes the least understanding about a dancer's lifestyle. But hopefully you should be making enough money to support yourself, it's kind of hard to live at home and dance at the same time. Don't let other people's crap hinder your ambition to go to law school. If you really put your mind to it, it can be done.

  9. #9
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Help!

    Is there legal action you can take?

    Umm.....like defamation of character or something?
    Or umm.....press charges for blackmailing you......or something?

    I don't know. But this is so fucked up. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

  10. #10
    God/dess JustJayda's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help!

    I'd really like to see that photographer get what he deserves, a set-up photo shoot, a.k.a. a beat-down!

    Sorry this happened to you, but as others have said, you will pull through, and be stronger because of this.

    Hugs
    Quote Originally Posted by MarvelGirl View Post
    Oh, and nope, rubbing titties isn't air dancing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    The cut-off age for stripping is when customers stop paying you.

    The end.

  11. #11
    Member petitegirlxoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Help!

    I'm so sorry candlelily. your parents are just upset and shock right now and probably said some things they don't mean. just give it some time. that photographer is a mean, immature, little sicko. notify the police and get a restraining order if necessary. Cut off all contact with that guy if possible, hopefully he'll leave you alone if he feels that he can't affect you. As for the money part, you can get a loan as mentioned by others and from dancing of course. be strong and seek out things or people that keep you in a positive mood. good luck and hope that things will be better for you.

  12. #12
    Member candlelily's Avatar
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    Default Grateful

    Hey everyone,
    I just wanted to say THANK YOU so much for the support and wisdom. It's inspiring, and means a lot to me to be understood, because I'm in a pretty lonely place right now. But you guys are definitely right! And I'm starting to gain more confidence in my ability to get through this. I've always wanted to break free of my home situation anyway, and looks like the time is now. Thanks again everyone. *hugs*

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