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Thread: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Ok, I'm at my wits end and could really use some advice before I go completely off..I've been having a rough time dealing w/ my (ex) mgr at the yoga studio. I know alot of it has to do w/ the fact that he's jealous I'm going to teacher training and he's not.. I quit working there about a week ago thinking that would keep me from dealing w/ him so much and also give me more free time..

    Anyway, I went in on Friday to practice and ran smack into him..He didn't even say "hello" before he started jamming me up about something..It started off on one thing ( my not working there anymore )and quickly went on to many others..I never got a chance to get more tha 3 words out because he was ranting ..All this while I'm at the front desk trying to sign in for a damn YOGA class..I thought yoga was suppose to be relaxing ..

    So I get into class and his mat is right fucking behind mine ! Great !
    He doesn't say shit and I pretty much blocked him out ! I'm thinking ok that's done w/..But no, I went back to take the 12 noon class and hang out w/one of my buds who works that shift..As soon as he sees me he starts in again..Now,it's about the keys and how I have to turn them in and a few other topics.(At this point he's getting on my last nerve and I'm not the type of person who holds her tongue, plus I know what this is really about !)..
    And I tell him that's fine but, I don't see what the purpose of me giving him back the key when he'll be giving them right back when I start teaching there..

    That left him speechless..

    Anyway, I need input on how to deal w/ this..
    We had a falling out when I first started working there that blew up (mostly on my part, he is a big bully and over uses his authority) and I'm trying to prevent a repeat..Also, I have to work in a studio for at least 75 hours before I can open my own and this studio is convient for me
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    You seem to be dealing with it fine, continue to make him go out of his way to talk to you, then, when it gets to be too much, remind him that you, no longer work there, and that he may ask you to leave, but if he bothers you again, you'll address it with his superior.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    I agree with Mast on this, and it also might help you to know that you have some escape hatch prepared...is there another place you might be able to put in those hours? A little less convenience traded for some kindness elsewhere might be what your soul needs. Sorry you're going through this. The guy really sounds like an idiot. I'm guessing--am I right?--that he is/was interested in you, and this is why he is so angry--he's a control freak and finds he has no sway over you at all?
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    You seem to be dealing with it fine, continue to make him go out of his way to talk to you, then, when it gets to be too much, remind him that you, no longer work there, and that he may ask you to leave, but if he bothers you again, you'll address it with his superior.
    I'm really not ! I want to punch him in his fucking mouth !!
    Which I almost did the first time he kept pushing me but, instead I used the poor weak woman role and started crying and telling him he was stressing me out..Which made him immediately apologize and give me a big hug..He walked on egg shells w/ me for ages..That was until, he found out about teacher training ..

    Gesh, should I manipulate him again and keep my true feelings bottled up ??
    It really bothers me when I do that ! But, manipulation is an easier route when dealing with this type of person.

    I did speak w/ the owner a little bit about it and she took my side, which is why I think he started saying something to me later..
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by Farrah_Holiday View Post
    I'm really not ! I want to punch him in his fucking mouth !!
    Which I almost did the first time he kept pushing me but, instead I used the poor weak woman role and started crying and telling him he was stressing me out..Which made him immediately apologize and give me a big hug..He walked on egg shells w/ me for ages..That was until, he found out about teacher training ..

    Gesh, should I manipulate him again and keep my true feelings bottled up ??
    It really bothers me when I do that ! But, manipulation is an easier route when dealing with this type of person.

    I did speak w/ the owner a little bit about it and she took my side, which is why I think he started saying something to me later..
    You NEED to speak to the owner about it and make her aware. Manipulating will only further this childish action of his. If he is jealous, and really acting out, inform the owner so he/she can watch his actions. If you inform the owner, and the owner is NOT on your side with this, then you know to find another Yoga Studio.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by jhuka View Post
    I agree with Mast on this, and it also might help you to know that you have some escape hatch prepared...is there another place you might be able to put in those hours? A little less convenience traded for some kindness elsewhere might be what your soul needs. Sorry you're going through this. The guy really sounds like an idiot. I'm guessing--am I right?--that he is/was interested in you, and this is why he is so angry--he's a control freak and finds he has no sway over you at all?
    I could just you right now ! You pretty much summed it up in a nutshell !
    He is the biggest control freak and it's driving me crazy ! It seems like I'm always running into those types of people ..

    I'm going to take your advice and call other studios in my area..It's just that I live in the Bay Area and traffic here is crazy !!!! I spend at least 3-5 hours driving almost daily and it's driving me (lol) nearly insane.
    Seriously though I'm sure I could teach a few classes closer to my (dancing) job and just go to the club after teaching.
    You're right about my soul needing kindness right now !
    That's whats really f-ing w/ me the most..It seems like it's so hard for me to rest my weary soul in this life w/out running into someone else's drama.
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    If I remember correctly you've mentioned this guy before, Farrah--I just can't remember the situation or background between the two of you. But it does begin to sound like the better solution is to go elsewhere--who knows, it might open up more opportunities that you don't today know about.

    Abraham Lincoln once said that sometimes, if you've got an elephant by the leg, it's better to let him go.
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    I think we posted at the same time! I know exactly what you mean about being weary and then having to run into other people's drama--I was remembering, thinking of your situation, how I used to go to a barber all the time...he was an ok guy but as time went on he got more and more right wing--to the point where he was really a fanatic--and he confided in me because he'd known me for so long. After a while I had to ask myself--why am I getting in this guy's drama every week (the right-wing stuff, I'm convinced, was a mask for problems he was having with his wife) and what am I doing PAYING for it? I felt MUCH better just getting out of his orbit. It sounds like your situation might be similar. Good luck with it. If you can, let us know how it turns out. --J.
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    You NEED to speak to the owner about it and make her aware. Manipulating will only further this childish action of his. If he is jealous, and really acting out, inform the owner so he/she can watch his actions. If you inform the owner, and the owner is NOT on your side with this, then you know to find another Yoga Studio.

    Right on ! Thanks I feel more empowered already !

    I did speak w/ her about the jealousy I'm getting but, I didn't mention any names.. I was taken back by her comment though..I think she said something like I was beautiful..blah,blah..Which in my mind translates to why are you complaining you're pretty and the world is at your feet, sorry but that's not my reality..
    Anyway, I'll go more in depth w/ her and see what comes of it..If not like you said I can always find another studio.
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


  10. #10
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    You need to tell her specifically what is going on so she can make him knock it off.

    And DON'T cry. That's what he wants.

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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    You should call the E channel and get your own reality show. This is like the yoga version of Sunset Tan!

    Sorry I don't have anything truly constructive to offer but


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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by Farrah_Holiday View Post
    Right on ! Thanks I feel more empowered already !

    I did speak w/ her about the jealousy I'm getting but, I didn't mention any names.. I was taken back by her comment though..I think she said something like I was beautiful..blah,blah..Which in my mind translates to why are you complaining you're pretty and the world is at your feet, sorry but that's not my reality..
    Anyway, I'll go more in depth w/ her and see what comes of it..If not like you said I can always find another studio.
    Well, in my opinion, and not to DISAGREE with Jhuka, I just believe that his is a problem in all workforces as it is a process. You want to work at a place where you feel comfortable with your surroundings regardless of the profession. Part of that process is finding out how your superiors handle situations like these.

    You're going to be an asset to this company if you teach there, and your manager is challenged by that. If you go over his head to the owner, and she resolves the problem appropriately, then you know you're in a place where this kind of thing is handled to your liking should it come up again. If you leave and find another place, you start the process all over again, so it's a matter of what the bigger pain in the ass is.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by jhuka View Post
    If I remember correctly you've mentioned this guy before, Farrah--I just can't remember the situation or background between the two of you. But it does begin to sound like the better solution is to go elsewhere--who knows, it might open up more opportunities that you don't today know about.

    Abraham Lincoln once said that sometimes, if you've got an elephant by the leg, it's better to let him go.

    Yep, that's the same one ! I totally hear what you're saying about the other opportunites opening up..I can feel them in my bones, I just need to get on the phone and start calling other studios and put this bullshit behind me. I think I'm also weirded out by the realization that it's time for me to move on.

    I just needed to hear it from other people..I run into bullshit like this so much it's hard for me to recognize it as other people's issues and not anything I'm doing !
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    I'm not sure I'm understanding everything, Farrah, but if you are both, now, just customers of the place, perhaps the talk with the owner will do it--maybe she is sick of the guy, too, and it WOULD be more fun to have him take a walk if you like the rest of the place otherwise. But at the same time, in case that scenario doesn't work out, you could check out some other places.

    I have a feeling that this guy has made some enemies, and maybe this frank talk with the owner will be fruitful. Too bad you've got to be thinking like a political operative in YOGA class, though!
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    We keep posting at the same time! Great minds think alike!
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    You need to tell her specifically what is going on so she can make him knock it off.

    And DON'T cry. That's what he wants.
    I feel you but, I've gotten so used to manipulating or being manipulated ( blame it on dancing..lol) sometimes..it's easier to shed a few crocodile tears and move on.. then to blash his ass in the head and have to go to jail..

    I've done both before and crying doesn't involve calling someone to get you out of jail. I know his punk ass wanted to see me cry Y, he wanted to break me. I've seen that in his behavior and his actions..

    I intimidate him for whatever reason but, I do that to a lot of people. So I've gotten used to playing games, I'm just tired of doing that in my life. I think it is time for me to do 2 things ..

    1. Speak up for myself (and not feel like a bad person when I do)
    2. Not be afraid to move/let go
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by LoveSexMoney View Post
    You should call the E channel and get your own reality show. This is like the yoga version of Sunset Tan!

    Sorry I don't have anything truly constructive to offer but

    Please..my friends and fam are always telling me I need to write a damn book..I probably will before I leave this planet. I swear at times I feel like I have my own made-up fake world like Drew Carey was in that movie, except mine is filled w/ unnecessary drama !
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    Well, in my opinion, and not to DISAGREE with Jhuka, I just believe that his is a problem in all workforces as it is a process. You want to work at a place where you feel comfortable with your surroundings regardless of the profession. Part of that process is finding out how your superiors handle situations like these.

    You're going to be an asset to this company if you teach there, and your manager is challenged by that. If you go over his head to the owner, and she resolves the problem appropriately, then you know you're in a place where this kind of thing is handled to your liking should it come up again. If you leave and find another place, you start the process all over again, so it's a matter of what the bigger pain in the ass is.

    I do think it is a problem in all workforces too ! It's just weird in this scenario because the setting is a yoga studio..Where you'd think most people would be laid back and relaxed..I'm going to talk to the owner but, I'm also going to start looking for other places to teach.
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quote Originally Posted by jhuka View Post
    I'm not sure I'm understanding everything, Farrah, but if you are both, now, just customers of the place, perhaps the talk with the owner will do it--maybe she is sick of the guy, too, and it WOULD be more fun to have him take a walk if you like the rest of the place otherwise. But at the same time, in case that scenario doesn't work out, you could check out some other places.

    I have a feeling that this guy has made some enemies, and maybe this frank talk with the owner will be fruitful. Too bad you've got to be thinking like a political operative in YOGA class, though!

    He's still the manager..I'm a "customer". He has used the studio as his "dating" place for a while, I'm starting to learn that from others. I think he used to date the owner..I'm not exactly sure .
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    This starts to make sense, then--what a mess people like this guy make of the world. So I'm back to thinking that you have an elephant by the leg here, and it might be better to let him go. Ultimately, you'll have the success that he can never have--and I bet you'll help a lot of people along the way, too, because your personality seems kind and accepting--you're just the type who should be guiding others. Better to move by this character and to your own future, and not get bogged down in the drama he seems to have created everywhere.

    I'm hoping all will go well for you--it seems, despite the problems at this club, that you are closing in on your goal. That is the star worth keeping your eye on. Good luck, Farrah--let us know how it all turns out, either way!
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Quick update..I just got off the phone w/ the owner !

    We had a long talk and I got to address a lot of issues w/ her.
    She's not going to do shit about the mgr..But at least I know what's up.
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    ^ That says a lot about the management style of that outfit.

    You want to work at a place where you feel comfortable with your surroundings regardless of the profession. Part of that process is finding out how your superiors handle situations like these.
    Mast is quite right--this is a corporate process issue; if they aren't serious about something like this, you don't really want to be there. This isn't unique, but it applies to any individual in any workplace.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Yep you said it ! I'm really disappointed but, not surprised. Like I said earlier I think they ( the mgr & owner)were in a relationship. He pretty much runs the studio for her for next to nothing.

    She (owner) has been riding my tail abut this teacher training thing non-stop. She didn't want me to go to Vegas, she wants me to check in w/ her daily, meet everyday and go over postures..Just ridiculous demands. I don't even see people I'm dating as much as I'm seeing her ! Hmm, maybe she has a crush on me..LOL
    Anyway, I finally put my foot down and told her that I was paying to attend the seminar and although I appreciate her recommendation. She didn't help me pay for any part of ANYTHING. So she needs to chill the fuck out !
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Way to go, Farrah. I know it didn't turn out completely the way you might have wanted, but as you say, now you know the score. And I'm proud to hear of how you handled it--sounds like you were firm and intelligent about this.

    Take good care of your spirit, and keep your chin up. I'm rooting for you!
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Farrah_Holiday's Avatar
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    Default Re: What's up w/ the hating ??( need advice)

    Thanks Jhuka !

    I felt so good when I got off the phone w/ her. I had let things go too far to begin w/ so me putting my foot down was wwwaaaaayyyyyy over due IMO.


    When you wrote this to me in your earlier post, it meant a great deal..
    I'm hoping all will go well for you--it seems, despite the problems at this club, that you are closing in on your goal. That is the star worth keeping your eye on.

    I kept replaying it in my head over and over. I'm not just doing this teacher training for myself or for my nieces and nephew..I have a much,much bigger goal in mind that I pray will come into reality before the end of next year. Your words reminded me of that and to not let all this stupid crap and other people's egos cloud my vision and rob me of my goals.
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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