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Thread: another guy question

  1. #1
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    Default another guy question

    last night i hung out with this really fun guy. (we got drunker than anyone should ever be but i already told him next time we hang out there will be no alcohol involved.) he didnt try to sleep with me right away (finally! the last few guys are appalled if i dont screw them in 2 days). the problem is that 2 years ago i liked him and we hung out and then he got a gf. they recently broke up and he says thats why he texted me, because he liked me when he got with her so he figured we could try again. i'm trying to keep my guard up because i dont want him to do the same thing again, but i think it kinda means something if after 2 years, out of the blue, he wants to hang out. and we never slept together before, either.

    i guess i just want other peoples take on this. am i stupid for giving him a chance? and how the hell am i supposed to keep my guard up when i like him again already?

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: another guy question

    Well,i think that you should hang out with him more and get to know him better. But hold off as much as you can on kissing, sex or anything you might feel complicates things. Get to know each other as friends first, so you know how he really is.
    I wouldn't start anything to quickly because he just got out of a relationship. but if he really does like you and is meant for you, it will happen. Don't try to rush things, just enjoy them slowly

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    Featured Member snoopy's Avatar
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    Default Re: another guy question

    like pookie, i agree the rebound is something to be concerned with. but sans the baggage, why not treat him like someone you just met?

    it doesn't seem like his baggage is all that negative (if at all). not knowing the whole story, but it seems like you guys were "friends/freindly" back then and the fact that he did remember you from that long ago should counter the "rebound issue".

    i'd give it some time to see if the rebound issue is still there (like pookie also suggests) but other than that it sounds like you're into him. why not give him a chance then?

    sorry, to just sound like pookie's post but at least it's a guy's pov.

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    Default Re: another guy question

    I think guys often have this situation, where they meet a girl at the wrong time--when they're involved with someone else--and they feel honor-bound to the one they are with, but they never quite forget this girl they met. Sometimes they can even build her into something she is not while the relationship they are in goes downhill--that other girl, the one they might have had, becomes all the good things their girlfriend is not. So I'm with pookie, too--take it slow and let it be a friendship so you really get to know each other. But I think you should give the guy a chance. The fact that he stuck with the other woman in that situation means, perhaps, that he's not a guy who is going to jump ship at the first woman who turns his head. That's a good thing.

    I read an article once--interviews with older men who were giving advice to younger men. They all talked about the one girl that "got away"-- the one they might have been with and always wondered about. It would be a nice thing for you, Britt, if for this guy you're the one who "got away" and now he has the chance to show you how attracted he is to you.

    I hope it works out. You deserve good things in your life!
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: another guy question

    thanks guys i'm just a little wary because he didn't have the gf when we first met and hung out. he started dating her shortly after we hung out. so i'm just scared he'll ditch me again or something. i dunno. i guess we'll see what happens.

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    Default Re: another guy question

    I know how you feel, I have a tendency to think if a woman could have had me and she picked someone else, she blew it, no second chance for her.

    But everyone makes mistakes. Maybe he learned from his, and is trying to show you. At least he didn't try to find you and mess around when he was still with her, so he's not the type to cheat.

    He didn't try to sleep with you when he was drunk as hell so he has some self-control. He stuck with her two years so he is the stable kind.

    Sounds like he has potential. Just keep the upper hand, as you have so far--not that you need to boss the guy around, but just protect your heart.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Featured Member Starfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: another guy question

    I definitely think you should have your guard up on this one. As everyone else has pointed out there are some positive signs, and you could be "the one that got away" etc but if it were me, i'd be thinking "I was the last girl he had a few dates with before he met his ex, he's probably thinking that it will be easy to just pick things up with me instead of meet someone new." So like everyone said you can hang out with him but be careful!

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    Default Re: another guy question

    It's been two years. You could be a totally different person now for all he knows. Let him get to know you first all over again, and maintain control. I totally agree with the whole rebound thing...and you don't want to be that rebound-cheerleader girl he might be looking for just to stroke his ego and lift his spirits back up. Just be cautious... and don't be afraid to take your time.



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    Default Re: another guy question

    its very hard for me to keep my guard up when he seems like such a good guy. i know thats no reason to go for a guy, just because he's not like all the other assholes i've met lately, but i liked him before and i had fun with him last night. its easy to be around him. plus he has nothing to do with strip clubs, for once! i meet way too many guys at work in some capacity (the last guy was friends with my manager).

    i'm going to wait and let him text or call me though and see what happens.

  10. #10
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: another guy question

    Quote Originally Posted by britt244 View Post
    thanks guys i'm just a little wary because he didn't have the gf when we first met and hung out. he started dating her shortly after we hung out. so i'm just scared he'll ditch me again or something. i dunno. i guess we'll see what happens.
    Just remember this. Repeat it. It will help you keep your guard up.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: another guy question

    I agree with everyone else. There's nothing wrong with giving him a chance... but keep your guard up. Yes, he seems like a good guy... but it usually takes a few months before guys (well, it applies to girls as well) stop trying to impress you and you get to see the "real" them.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  12. #12
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    Default Re: another guy question

    yeah so either i am a horrible judge of character or i am just horrible to be around myself.

    i hadnt heard from him so i texted him and asked what exactly it was that made him call me, since he was obviously planning on hanging out with me once and disappearing. yet again. he said he wasn't "planning on doing anything after he went to work that way monday" and that it isnt "convienent" that i work on the weekends. ok, well he knew about work before we hung out. and the drinking? who wanted to drink? he did. who made the drinks? he did. so why would he blame me for how drunk we got?

    i'm starting to think its just me. everybody who i would never date or be interested in for various reasons tells me i'm so pretty, so smart, i'll be such a good catch. but then the guys i want to spend time with turn out to be like this. and every other jerk i've ever posted about in the past.



    (i'm done with guys for a while.)

    edit: i'm confused. he said we could hang out whenever i wanted. i dont want to hang out with somebody who practically blamed me for his hangover and whines about me working weekends.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: another guy question

    Whatta Jerk-off! Peace out!



  14. #14
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: another guy question

    Aren't you glad you didn't rush into anything?

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    Default Re: another guy question

    Damn it, Britt. I was hoping for some happiness for you here. But it sounds like the guy really has some problems and you are better off not being around him. Nothing is lost, and you've gained an extra bit of wisdom which is leading you to a soul-mate one day. What is the country song? "God blessed the crooked road that led me straight to you"? What the hell--you're learning. I've expressed the same sentiment you did here myself, so many times: you can have the ones you don't want, but the ones you want turn out to be characters you can't live with. I don't think this is a pattern or that something is wrong with you: I think it is part of the crooked road everybody is on. It is leading somewhere, and now you know a little more about what you DON'T want: your instincts have gotten a little more of an education. They are there for you to listen to the next time through. Don't despair. Many, many good things are ahead.

    And for the record, the guy's just an idiot if he didn't see all the good things you have to offer! You sound like a great catch to me--and somewhere out there is a smart guy who's going to fight for your heart! Hang in there!
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: another guy question

    yikes.

    i think you've got a "jerk magnet" hidden somewhere on your person.

    imo, start fishing in different waters. this guy sounded aloof and "whatever". i'm with jhuka, look for someone that's going to pay a bit more attention and maybe a bit more mature. (this guy sounded like a kid)

    hang in there and good luck!

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    Default Re: another guy question

    Stay away from Daytona Beach, whatever you do. It has the highest AQ of any city I have been in. That's 'Asshole Quotient', BTW.

    Sorry, but it's true.

    I hated that town (I know, so why did I stay there so long). There were so many assholes there, the women got used to them and thought it was normal. You couldn't be polite in the slightest, or the women would look at you like you were some sort of insect, lol. There were a few exceptions, but precious few.

    It took me a while, but I finally learned to be patient.

    You'll be alright, Britt. Just try to be patient. Love yourself, there's a lot to love sitting in your chair right now. Someday some cool guy will see that, and you will be happier. But the more you are happy with yourself, right now, the easier it is to be patient.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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  18. #18
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    Default Re: another guy question

    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    yikes.

    i think you've got a "jerk magnet" hidden somewhere on your person.
    i think so too. it is ridiculous the number of jerks who manage to work their way into my life. even if at first i turn them down!

    thanks guys. like i said, there will be no trying again. i'm over it. no more guys for me. for a verrrrrry long time. i'll just be on sw even more (if that's possible)

  19. #19
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    Default Re: another guy question

    Y'know Britt? The good ones always come along when you are not looking for them. Take a break, but don't let all the assholes turn you off if you happen to meet Mr. Right tomorrow. Believe me when I tell you, love comes in strange packages.

    Siber
    "Maybe you'll ask me to come back again and
    Maybe I'll say.... Maybe"

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