So after pretty much not touching a piano, since I was kicked out of music school because of my hand problems, I finally got the piano in my apartment.
And the pains subsided enough to let me play it for the first time in pretty much a year.
So what's the first thing I do after reacqainting myself with my Beethoven and Bach?
I write the first lyrics for a song in YEARS.
See? I don't do lyrics. Too personal. And words never flow right for me, though i normally think I'm fairly eloquent.
i got through music school setting texts. Poetry, prose writing, whatever. To avoid exposing my own feelings.
And now its just effin DEPRESSING! I have the lyrics for the song, melody and chord structure for part of the chorus and bridge-will likely set a tune for the verses tomorrow.
And now i'm wishing I hadn't written the words, so I'd feel OK about sharing it with people!
WHY?! WHY?! Why couldn't I make my first compositional project otuside of the degree program a nice ORCHESTRAL piece!
Its easier to put out. Cmon. Tell me my flute line is impossible. Ask how i intend to have my harp reach that note given the keys sharped with pedals. Just don't call me an emo poet.
Ugh. I should forget the whole thing, and work at relearning that easy Fibich sonata. nice and minor, melancholy, and less emotioanlly challanging.
What is the POINT in having creativity and "the urge" if I'm too sensitive to let anyone SEE it?!
And why is it everytime i try to WRITE my own lyrics, i end up with some great depressing monstrosity of seperation and betrayal?!
Ugh. I need to contact some of my old poet friends for more material, so i don't have to work with my own stupid thoughts.



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Esp. w/ my designs.. I have to really get into my head and talk some sense into myself..I don't know if it's the sharing a piece of myself or the fear of rejection, that trips me out..But look.. You gotta just do it girl ! You obviously are so gifted and talented don't keep it to yourself. Think about all the great songs that have inspired you in your life..Now think if the song writers never shared them with the world ! 

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