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Thread: The fickle thing about creativity

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    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Angry The fickle thing about creativity

    So after pretty much not touching a piano, since I was kicked out of music school because of my hand problems, I finally got the piano in my apartment.

    And the pains subsided enough to let me play it for the first time in pretty much a year.

    So what's the first thing I do after reacqainting myself with my Beethoven and Bach?

    I write the first lyrics for a song in YEARS.

    See? I don't do lyrics. Too personal. And words never flow right for me, though i normally think I'm fairly eloquent.

    i got through music school setting texts. Poetry, prose writing, whatever. To avoid exposing my own feelings.

    And now its just effin DEPRESSING! I have the lyrics for the song, melody and chord structure for part of the chorus and bridge-will likely set a tune for the verses tomorrow.

    And now i'm wishing I hadn't written the words, so I'd feel OK about sharing it with people!

    WHY?! WHY?! Why couldn't I make my first compositional project otuside of the degree program a nice ORCHESTRAL piece!

    Its easier to put out. Cmon. Tell me my flute line is impossible. Ask how i intend to have my harp reach that note given the keys sharped with pedals. Just don't call me an emo poet.

    Ugh. I should forget the whole thing, and work at relearning that easy Fibich sonata. nice and minor, melancholy, and less emotioanlly challanging.

    What is the POINT in having creativity and "the urge" if I'm too sensitive to let anyone SEE it?!

    And why is it everytime i try to WRITE my own lyrics, i end up with some great depressing monstrosity of seperation and betrayal?!

    Ugh. I need to contact some of my old poet friends for more material, so i don't have to work with my own stupid thoughts.

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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    If you are so concerned about other people hearing your work, then I imagine that it might actually have some merit and substance to it. The problem with all the emopoet stuff is that many are so proliferant it becomes meaningless drivel. Therefore, your most guarded thoughts are worth more, and other people should be able to differentiate them as such.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    Whoah, whoah, lil miss....you only just started again?! Don't let the mindgames get in the way of progress...just write stuff, who cares if you show it to ppl or not. Most likely you will @ some point. Good points Natalie....

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    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    This is a mindgame i've ALWAYS played. Don't care hearing a choral work I set off an ancient chinese poem rehearsed with 100 voices....But I'll hide in the bathroom in tears when its a close friend performing my rare lyrics because my mom surprised me by coming to the performance.

    Frustrating as all bloody hell! Not just from the a mount of time I spend sifting through others writing looking for inspiration thats not QUITE what i want, and the guilt I have if i have to change their syllables... Its just like... this is why i absolutely HATE talking honestly to people, or writing. I have to do it in blogs. Cnan't talk to someones face unless its adebate or something disconnected from me.

    And its weird-I mean, i've gotten some harsh criticisms on my music, but it doesn't phase me a whole lot beause i ENJOY playing and writing it... But having something that people find more "comprehensible" just scares the shit out of me and i find myself wanting to burn the paper its written on. Even though i KNOW if i refined it, I'd have something halfway decent, that would motivate me to write more, and possibly get the software I need to record it. (I already HAVE the software, but the original disk was stolen when my place was broken into, so I can't get past copyright protection)

    I need to fucking soothe myself. If i can find a fairly steady meter in a not incomprehensible emotion, i should do a madrigal.

    Moments like this, I hate my life.

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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    well then what if you gave yourself a little course of exposure therapy. For example, write a haiku that is personal, and show it to people. Or start smaller, a sentence perhaps. If showing it to people seems to akward, maybe just leave it out where others could read it. Then work your way up to longer more personal works.

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    You can start your exposure therapy by sending it to me, if you want...



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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    Please send 'em to me too, if you're sending stuff out. I'm an old songwriter--would love to see it. I didn't have the same feelings that you did about exposure, though I do understand some of this--there were always some anxieties in me. I spent a number of years working in Nashville and I was always more grateful to see someone with your attitude than the types who were busy trying to make themselves known...they rarely had much to say beyond angles of self-aggrandizement. But the doubt, to me, always indicated depth, and I often found that in those who doubted there was lovely, true stuff.

    A writer once said: embrace your fear and what you'll find in your arms is yourself. Does this speak in any way to what you're going through?
    JK Jim

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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    I think it's great that you have at least experienced creation, though I would much prefer you found it to be a positive experience.

    If you could somehow feel good about it, then you might discover you felt creative in other ways as well, creativity tends to work this way.

    I am envious (though again I wish you could feel positively about it), I want to draw again, it would be the best possible thing for me to do right now in more ways than one--and nothing is forthcoming.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    Quote Originally Posted by needtodance View Post

    What is the POINT in having creativity and "the urge" if I'm too sensitive to let anyone SEE it?!

    And why is it everytime i try to WRITE my own lyrics, i end up with some great depressing monstrosity of seperation and betrayal?!

    Ugh. I need to contact some of my old poet friends for more material, so i don't have to work with my own stupid thoughts.

    I get the same way sometimes ! Esp. w/ my designs.. I have to really get into my head and talk some sense into myself..I don't know if it's the sharing a piece of myself or the fear of rejection, that trips me out..But look.. You gotta just do it girl ! You obviously are so gifted and talented don't keep it to yourself. Think about all the great songs that have inspired you in your life..Now think if the song writers never shared them with the world !
    Art is what makes life worth living.
    You've been given a gift ! You must share it.
    My new love...is me !

    Even the greatest authority does not, ultimately, know you as you know yourself.
    Jhuka

    When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
    Maya Angelou


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    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    Well, I still LOVE creation... when its something that doesn't involve putting my thoughts on paper in an understandable language... And i don't necesarely know that i WANT it to be shown, even if i wasn't so weirdd about it. Got so much refining to do on it before its even remotely finished. SO it'll be a while before anyone has anything popping up in their inboxes...(not to mention that lyrics alone are shit, and i odn't know how to send notation.)

  11. #11
    Vivacious
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    Default Re: The fickle thing about creativity

    I can relate...sometimes those critical thoughts keep me from even passing go. Oh, sometimes they're not even critical. They're just, I have to run this errand, I have to do laundry. Grrrr! Maybe don't worry about whether you have to show anybody or not, just write and write and write. Then show it to someone you trust to identify what stands out as your best. But don't worry about the outcome now. Just write.

    This made me pull out an excerpt from Henry Miller --
    "It's as though there were two melodies going on simultaneously: one for private exploitation and the other for the public ear. The whole struggle is to squeeze into that public record some tiny essence of the perpetual inner melody."

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