Results 1 to 15 of 15

Thread: Does anyone else feel this way??

  1. #1
    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Location
    the woods
    Posts
    2,215
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 17 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Does anyone else feel this way??

    I am 22 and having social anxiety out of nowhere it seems. I don't know if it's social anxiety, or just extreme annoyance at people my age who I view as immature and close-minded. Last year when I was 21, I used to love going out to the bars with friends, I went out almost every night. Now, I can't be bothered with any of my friends, or most anyone my age.

    It's not that I don't like them, it's just that I feel I have nothing in common with them anymore. They all went to college, claim that they are "independent" but have their parents pay their rent/car insurance/give them grocery money, are either unemployed or working 9-5 jobs, and drink irresponsibly every weekend.
    Ever since I started dancing full-time (9 months ago), I got my own place again (a nice house!), live with my boyfriend (who dropped out of HS, but is an independent contractor like me, has his own construction business that makes good money), work hard and enjoy my job, and I have no desire to return to college. I love the freedom of this job, and I feel very rewarded for physically WORKING HARD for my money. I'm so blue-collar-minded, lol. Although I think this is progress, a lot of people I used to know and be friends with are now freaked out by me, and I know that they are disgusted behind my back ("She dropped out of college...BF is a high-school dropout....stripper....etc"). Whenever I am around these people, they are so visibly uncomfortable now.

    Maybe its because of where I grew up (upper-middle class area), that people think going to college makes you "a better person" (even if you end up working at Starbucks), and around here if you don't have a college degree (or are pursuing one) you are SERIOUSLY looked down-upon. For example: At one friend's college graduation party, he ACTUALLY said to me "Yeah, my degree is in History. I have no idea what I want to do." And his sister ACTUALLY replied "Well, at least you HAVE a degree," in this snotty-ass tone, as if people who don't have degrees are low-life scum rooting through garbage cans. Doesn't matter that he just spent $100,000 to get that piece of paper, and now he doesn't know what to do.

    I don't feel the need to drink anymore, I feel as if I'm way past that phase. When I hear stories of people my age STILL going out to bars, hooking up with strangers (Hello, STDs!), pissing themselves, getting arrested for fighting, not remembering anything, and passing out in unfamiliar places; I just feel as if I'm better and more mature than that. As a result, I've pretty much alienated myself from the social scene, because drinking at bars is the ONLY thing to do at night in my stupid small town.


    I feel very proud of myself, and admire myself for the balls to choose paths I've chosen. I knew they were not conventional, but I knew they were right for me. I just want to know if anyone ever feels alone like this I guess. Any ideas on getting out of this hermit-rut? Just needed to vent.

  2. #2
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    7,772
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 40 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    I am SO glad that you posted this! I feel that I'm at an awkward point in my social life as well. I can't decide if I don't like most people or if I just can't relate to them. I went to a bar in PB (a college-age and surfer area of town) and it was full of 21 year olds and I just felt so OLD. Getting totally trashed and hooking up was not part of my game plan... It never is anymore and I'm not sure when exactly I outgrew that (I'm 24 now). Okay well... the getting trashed is still part of my gameplan sometimes, just not in a rowdy sort of way with loud raggae music *cringe*.

    But yea, I'm not close with anyone from highschool because they are either too sheltered or got married and had kids right away. At 24, I've experianced a lot of things that most people my age haven't and that makes it hard to talk to some of them (my BFF from 1st grade gives me terrible relationship advice for example. It's actually sort of comical.). But, I don't quite fit in with my bf's 30ish friends either and I get a lot of "baby" cracks.

    So yea, I'm glad you posted this. I'm sure we're BOTH going through phases and it will pass.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  3. #3
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    998
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    I'm nearly 27. I don't like most people, but I didn't always feel this way. Most people I meet are fake, unfriendly, immature...... I can't relate to anyone else it seems because I don't drink or do drugs, never been married, and I have no children.

  4. #4
    Member
    Joined
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    55
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Good luck getting out of the hermit stage, because I've been in it for well over 5 years. I have to literally force myself out to mingle on occasion, because it's a choice between staying in the house and have the walls cave in on me and getting the tar annoyed out of me in bars or clubs. Granted, I do have a good time on occasion when I decide to venture out, but then there's the times when I've wasted an otherwise relaxing and enjoyable evening. I don't think I am better or more mature or easily annoyed, but I am less tolerant because of bullshit in general I had to put up with in the past.

    I'd say as long as you are comfortable with how you feel and how you act towards others, you'll be fine. My personal opinion though, is that you should not close yourself off completely, or otherwise people might not let you get close, which might not bother you right away, but could make things difficult further down the road.

  5. #5
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    748
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Hi Cutey,

    I understand how you feel. And yes you are more mature than your friends right now, as far as working full time and feeling like you've gotten all your partying out of your system. I guess its too late to advise you that you probably shouldn't have let your school friends know that you were dancing.

    As much as you may love your friends, to expect them to fully understand and accept what you do is a lot to ask. "Stripping"/"dancing" is for the most part offensive to main stream society. I lived in the Main Line area of Pennslvania for a while and talk about people that feel that having a degree is all that is important in the world!! Not only if you have a degree but what school you attend, what family you come from, ect ect.

    I found when it comes to people that come from old money, like most of the main liners, they generally don't care about making money because they never really had to, they grew up pretty comfortable and always had it. But if you look far enough into there family history you'll most probably find dirty little secrets like how exactly grandfather or great grandfather made his fortune........not in the most respectable way I assure you. I can't remember where I read this but the saying, "You gotta get a little dirty to become filthy rich", holds very true as far as I'm concerned.

    Its kinda sad when you feel you have outgrown certain people and friends. Don't be mad at them just feel sorry for them.

    Feel proud that you and your significant other are as self reliant as you are. I guarantee that 5, 10, even 20 years down the road most of your old school buddies will still be asking mommy and daddy for hand outs while your traveling the world and knowing that you did it all on your own.

    PS Excuse all my grammar mistakes, I was in a hurry when I wrote this.

    hugs,
    Candice

  6. #6
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    748
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 6 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Oh I also wanted to add......

    There are lots of people that don't go to bars and clubs for fun. They run a 5k, they go hiking, biking, camping, they travel around the country and the world, even go to the library. I love going to the library......the books are free and I'm left alone. lol

    If stripping has taught me anything its that there is so much more to see on this earth besides the inside of a bar.

  7. #7
    Veteran Member hearts's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    PDX, OR
    Posts
    447
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 22 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Quote Originally Posted by hyzenthflay View Post
    I'm nearly 27. I don't like most people, but I didn't always feel this way. Most people I meet are fake, unfriendly, immature...... I can't relate to anyone else it seems because I don't drink or do drugs, never been married, and I have no children.
    I'm 25 and I am in the same boat. I've made some friends who, like me, consider their dogs to be the only "kids" they'll ever have. Haha.
    As for college, I've gone off and on for 7 years, mostly taking gen ed courses. Although I do have almost 2 degrees, I never felt really into it, or that it was necessary. My cousin, who is the same age as me, has her masters, and works at some shitty minimum wage job. All I used to hear from my family was "Why can't you just FINISH school like Meghan?" Fuck that! Meghan's miserable. I will dance for as long as I can, make great money, then POSSIBLY finish my degree when I'm older with my savings. Thank you and goodnight.

  8. #8
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    1,128
    Thanks
    96
    Thanked 43 Times in 21 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Yeah, i can't relate to people my age much either. At work, i seek out customers in their 30's-40's, so i definately got used to having conversations only with people in that age group. Outside of work the only people i really interact with are my partner and our relatives. i finished my bachelor's degree even though i was already dancing full time but the last couple years of college i just felt so alienated. Like everyone my age is completely sheltered and still an overgrown teenager. And people i went to high school with that didn't go to college just kinda paired up and by now have 6 or 7 year olds. So that leaves me with not many options for social activities.

  9. #9
    God/dess
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    The Diner State
    Posts
    5,085
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    I don't know about getting out of the hermit rut (though I can be found at the library or the Borders or a movie theater fairly often), because I sorta like my hermit rut.

    However, I have to tell you even though people your age (and their parents) may think the piece of paper is important, they are being tortured about it. 'oh, you majored in history, what are you going to do with THAT'? When they are older and still working at some crap retail job with their degree in something they hate, they will have little to say (of any worth). If you have no urge for school, don't waste the time and money!

  10. #10
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2003
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    7,772
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 40 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkkitten View Post
    Yeah, i can't relate to people my age much either. At work, i seek out customers in their 30's-40's, so i definately got used to having conversations only with people in that age group. Outside of work the only people i really interact with are my partner and our relatives. i finished my bachelor's degree even though i was already dancing full time but the last couple years of college i just felt so alienated. Like everyone my age is completely sheltered and still an overgrown teenager. And people i went to high school with that didn't go to college just kinda paired up and by now have 6 or 7 year olds. So that leaves me with not many options for social activities.
    That is an interesting point. I wonder if that has something to do with it.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  11. #11
    Banned
    Joined
    Jan 2002
    Location
    Cranberry Country
    Posts
    1,202
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Just to chime in, i went to my 10 year HS reunion this past December, and I have to admit it was strange seeing how many people were still acting and holding on to their teenage years, like that was the best time of their life, and that they were afraid to act as an adult.

    I think overall just moving out and living on your own forces you to "grow-up".

  12. #12
    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Where the cool kids hang out.
    Posts
    4,103
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    I totally understand where you are coming from. The people in the place I grew up are happy to never leave that place and they get excited over eating at Sonic, and the passtime for most of them is getting wasted. I can't relate to them because I wanted to go see the world, and nobody understood why. Now they all have kids, etc., so I don't relate to them in that aspect either.

    Now that I live in Nashville I don't really have any friends I hang out with. I *used* to, but they were too concerned about being 'that drunk stripper that makes 2 grand and has no money the next day'. I couldn't deal with that, and since then I pretty much just have my SO. People in this town look down on me because of my job, but as long as I'm happy I don't give a shit what people think.

    So it's not just you!

  13. #13
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    718
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    I like what Candice has said, about there being so much on the earth to see...

    I went to college briefly, then had a reaction to it, perhaps because I wasn't sure of my direction, and left midway through my second year. I got a job writing (in newspapers) because it was about the only thing I could do. A chance need to learn more about photography got me back into a local school and, following my lights--purely out of interest and swept up in where life was taking me--I graduated and went to graduate school. And now, hell, I teach in a college--the last thing I would have ever guessed I'd do. I guess what I am saying is go with your lights. What is really dangerous is stagnation; even if the signals you send to the world are that you are progressing. The people you hear saying "at least you have a degree" are in it for the piece of paper...the status...and that's the wrong reason to do anything. It sounds, from what you are saying, that status is quite important to some of these people you've been in contact with...I've never really understood "status", because it seems like such a static game--monkees impressing other monkees...to what end, truly, you know? Hemingway once warned an actress not to confuse motion for progress, and this is what he meant. If you go after life for the adventure of it, for the juice of it, you are ALWAYS progressing, learning, no matter what you do, college or not. So I wouldn't worry too much about white collar, blue collar or otherwise--I would follow your lights, follow your heart. Don't get caught up in what others are thinking, or their judgments. There is no time for it, and too much on the earth to see...
    JK Jim

  14. #14
    God/dess cutey5032's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Location
    the woods
    Posts
    2,215
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 17 Times in 14 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Bella, I agree with feeling so old at such a young age!! The first time I got drunk, I was 18, and I thought it was the Coolest Fucking Thing Ever. But 4 years later, I have just grown so tired of it. I mean, how many times can a person get shitfaced before it gets really, really old?? People around here always say "You never know where the night will take you!" and "Dude, it was the CRAZIEST night EVER!" But IMO.....you know EXACTLY where the night is gonna take you:
    1. Drunk hookups
    2. Meaningless barfights
    3. Getting arrested
    4. Doing something stupid (walking into someone's house, pissing in someone's bed, shit of that nature)

    and how crazy can it really be if there have already been 1000 times before that.



    Thanks everyone---I really appreciate the feedback, and everyone is making great points. Its nice to know I'm not alone. That is why I love SW so much!!

  15. #15
    Veteran Member Alia_of_the_Knife's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    746
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 10 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: Does anyone else feel this way??

    Quote Originally Posted by G-Real View Post
    I think overall just moving out and living on your own forces you to "grow-up".
    Exactly. I have been more or less on my own since I was 18 and feel leagues away from most other 22 year olds. When you are responsible for the bills and the rent being paid on time and you know that you have to get up and bust butt every day it changes you.

    When I hear most people between the ages of 18-24 talk they sound like little kids to me. Their views on relationships, parties, people, and life in general seem so naive and child like. After being on my own and working as a stripper I find their fairy-tale view of life to be amusing. By no means am I saying that I am all wise, I still have a lot of growing up to do, but they seem to be living in another dimension of reality.

    For many people going to college is like going away to camp. Many college students just see any education they may get as secondary to the status of the University or the parties they may go to. I'm not against going to college and getting an education but it really is all about what the person makes of it. I remember the head master of my private girl's school had a PhD in English but would still screw up on subject/verb agreement. He bragged that the only way he got his job as head master is that he knew someone who got the job. All the teachers thought this guy was a moron but he was so pretentious that he insisted on being called "Doctor".

    I'm in school now but I'm glad that it was on my own time and my own terms and not for status or because my parents made me.

    I got all the drinking and partying out of my system when I was 21. It's like I finally reached legal age of drinking and lost interest. But I would like to add that it's not just young twenty somethings who have their main hobby as drinking, it's that way for many 30, 40, and 50 somethings as well.
    Last edited by Alia_of_the_Knife; 09-12-2007 at 05:55 PM.

Similar Threads

  1. How would you feel if we did this?
    By High_Heel_Lover in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 10-17-2007, 10:38 AM
  2. Does anyone else ever feel this way?
    By sun child in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 03-01-2007, 12:25 PM
  3. ever feel like...?
    By zo in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 08-19-2004, 01:25 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •