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Thread: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

  1. #1
    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
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    Angry Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    When I started dancing I agreed with my SO that it would pretty much be a big secret. My family could know about it, and my friends (at least those that weren't involved with his friends in anyway). His family, and his friends all think I waitress in a town 45 minutes away.
    I really, really do understand why he wanted it to be this way. He's 20. His friends are the type that would give him and I a really hard time about it, and his friends not knowing doesnt really bother me, its more his family.
    I am very close to his mother. He had a bad accident, almost died, and we spent 2 months in the hospital with him and became great friends. Unfortunatly, she is not open minded towards things like stripping. I have heard her say more than once, things like "don't waste your money on those sluts". Basically if his family found out, theres a good chanch they might decide to hate me, or at least talk shit about me all the time.
    But the lyings starting to get to me. I feel bad lying to somebody I'm that close to. I work at his parents restraunt once a week. She thinks when I work at my other job 45 minutes away, I work nights and have to be here at 4. Yesterday she asks me if I can work today, if she lets me out early. Today is the last day before my club has new owners, so I'm going in at 1 and staying all night (might as well make the money in case the shit hits the fan). I had to pull shit out my ass and she felt bad that I couldn't just help her out a little.
    I really don't know what to do with this situation. I hate living a lie. I have to hide my clothes, shes, make sure nobody sees me in my makeup, be careful how much money I spend in front of what people ect.
    Also...I can't even really defend stripping if it somehow come up in conversation. I mean, I can to a point, because I have a right to my own opinion, but I can't get to passionate or use myself as an example.
    Anybody else dealing with something like this?


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  2. #2
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    If you feel comfortable telling your own family and being open about it he needs to grow up and realize you are not going to hide it forever. And if his mom really cares about you like you say then she might not react as badly as you are imagining.
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  3. #3
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I'm 34, been dancing for over 6 years off and on and my family has no idea. Mu husbands family knew(most are gone now). But my family would NOT understand. They think I waitress in a bar and they arent real happy with THAT.

    My parents arent well...I dont see the point in upsetting them over this just to ease my mind. It would be selfish

    Then again...my family lives 1500 miles away...so it's a bit easier!

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    God/dess pookie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I think you should not tell them until you A) are married to this guy
    or B) she gets an open mind

    you gotta think, is this relationship with you boyfriend worth risking coz other people don't understand you?




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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I'm not normally posting in this area, but I read this and my heart goes out to you. I'm with Andygirl that, now that she knows you, the mother may have a completely different view of stripping if she finds out you do it. But you probably can't kid yourself about it: the judgment would be there.

    I once had a much older lover who was married, and her husband (she said) remained in the marriage only for appearance. He was gay, very wealthy, and his wife lived in a different apartment--she would go back to the house only when he needed her for fancy dinners: she had a closet full of dresses that she wore for these occasions, which I never saw her in. When she met my parents, it was the only time in my life I ever participated in a lie told to them or, in the words of one president, some truth was witheld. I felt lousy about it, because I just don't lie...it is not in my makeup. My father told me later he knew something was up by the way I was acting.

    My point is that I feel I sacrificed something for my lie--and in my case, I understand now--it was not worth the sacrifice. I explained it in full to my parents later, and they understood. But I just didn't feel good about myself. That is what is bothering you, I see. I know this relationship is important to you, but if it gets to the point where the lie is bothering you to an awful degree, you might want to rethink your course rather than live with that constant disturbance. Ultimately, you should be accepted for who you are: ultimately, if you don't tell the mother and she finds out later, she might feel tricked and it might be better to have told her--letting her know your conscience was in play. On the other hand, if you think you'll be leaving stripping anytime soon, maybe it is better to leave this history untold. Cameron, as always, has good wisdom here: why upset the apple cart if you don't need to? But if your CONSCIENCE is really getting to you, because you see this woman often now and you consider her a friend, I think it is worth thinking about yourself and the toll it is taking on you. That, too, is important.

    It is a tough situation, and I'm afraid I'm not much help. It impresses me that you worry about this so: you have a good heart. Your story touched me and I just wanted to chime in. Good luck with this. Time will tell you what is right.
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Yup. Depending on the person, it makes me uncomfortable. I've gotten used to it over the years and it doesn't bother me so much. It's just one of the downsides to this job...

    I don't think you should tell her. Sometimes, 'fessing up to someone is more to make YOU feel better than for the other person. I know you feel guilty about not being honest with her, but I think her life would be easier if she just never knew.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  7. #7
    StrayStripper
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Quote Originally Posted by cameron_keys View Post
    I dont see the point in upsetting them over this just to ease my mind. It would be selfish
    I completely agree. My parents would feel terrible if they knew I stripped. I would rather carry the cross of lying than have them feel lousy. Not only are we required to lie to protect ourselves, we are required to lie to protect those we care about.

    Telling your bf's mom would get rid of your guilt and would put a huge burden on her shoulders. Spare her feelings.

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I agree about keeping it from the mom, but your boyfriend needs to buck up and be a man around his friends. If you don't feel like lying to friends, you shouldn't have to. And if they want to give either of you any shit about it, he needs to jump right in and put a stop to it. For a grown man to expect his girlfriend to live a lie just so he won't be teased by his buddies... I mean come on, am I the only one who sees how lame that is?

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    Banned gingerlee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I agree about keeping it from the mom, but your boyfriend needs to buck up and be a man around his friends. If you don't feel like lying to friends, you shouldn't have to. And if they want to give either of you any shit about it, he needs to jump right in and put a stop to it. For a grown man to expect his girlfriend to live a lie just so he won't be teased by his buddies... I mean come on, am I the only one who sees how lame that is?
    Agreed. If my SO kept my job hidden from his friends because he didn't want to get teased/fucked with/whatever, I would have a problem with that. My ex-husband tried to do that and it made me miserable that he wanted to lie to his friends about such a silly thing.

  10. #10
    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    I agree about keeping it from the mom, but your boyfriend needs to buck up and be a man around his friends. If you don't feel like lying to friends, you shouldn't have to. And if they want to give either of you any shit about it, he needs to jump right in and put a stop to it. For a grown man to expect his girlfriend to live a lie just so he won't be teased by his buddies... I mean come on, am I the only one who sees how lame that is?
    That's true... but she said her bf was 20. Guys that age (I'm talking about his friends, not her bf) would probably bring it up constantly and be really lame about it... I think it would make life easier if they didn't know (unless she feels the need to be honest with THEM).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  11. #11
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I think 20 is old enough to stop being a boy and start acting like a man. If his friends are so immature that they can't get over his girlfriend's job, then either he needs to find some friends who will act like adults, or she needs to find a boyfriend who will be a man. Twenty is PLENTY old enough to support your woman and stop living for your friends' opinions.

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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I was thinking about this after posting today, driving to and from work, and had come to think also, like Yek, that the lie is being done for the boyfriend, really--and I agree with everyone about sparing the mom's feelings, and just not getting her embroiled in this. But I think it may be worthwhile for Taylor to let bf know that this is taking a toll on her -- he needs to step up and help where he can here. I guess what I am saying is that I don't like that the burden seems to be falling on Taylor's shoulders.
    JK Jim

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Now that I think about it, you're right, Yek. I think I'd feel pretty crappy if I had to lie to my bf's friends about it. I've ALWAYS had to lie to bf's parents... but never to friends.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I'm probably not the person you want to hear from, but.....if I was in your position I'd tell them. I've never hidden what i do from anybody, family member or not. I've worked with people at other jibs and I have "felt" them out before telling them. (worked with on born again baptist that i told after she got to know me, went over much better after that).

    You have to decide if it's worth keeping up the lie or coming clean and dealing with what happens.

  15. #15
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Wow, people have given some really helpful and insightful advice- I agree with most of it, especially about keeping this from your bf's friends and your peers. They are of THiS generation, they've already been corrupted by age 20, it's not gonna harm anyone by telling the truth. Just preface it by saying you don't want a tell-all, don't want to hear about it constantly, masked references, etc. As to his mother... she obviously likes you, trusts you with her son and with responsibilties of a job- telling her you're a dancer isn't suddenly going to make you a coked-out whore... if anything, she'll have to re-evaluate her own perceptions and expectations. You could actually open her mind. At any rate, it's not worth being eaten up inside by living a lie. I'd tell 'em.

  16. #16
    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Wow thankyou for all the responses and insight.

    Lying to his friends doesn't really bother me so much, it just sucks on occasions such as last night when 3 of them were in my club and I had to go hide. Yek, I wish 20 year old boys were as mature as your giving them credit for (reason number 1 why I always dated older guys...). I think he's more worried about things his friends might say about me, which is still stupid. I don't feel the need to run out and tell all his friends...but having to hide when they actually do show up is kinda shitty. There's only one strip club in Maine (unless you drive 3 more hours north) so eventually they'll find out.

    We've been talking about buying a house, and if we buy a house, we are going to at least tell his parents. They're not stupid...they know I don't make that much money waitressing. Hopefully then, it will turn out well, and maybe even open some minds like some of you said. I know girls whoes own parents won't even talk to them because they strip, so I guess its just a gamble. Until then I'll probebly keep it hush hush.

    If I had it my way I'd tell everybody who asked. I'm proud of what I do, I love it, and I think hiding it just adds to the stigma but I guess I have to compromise for now.


    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    Boner Man, Boner Man,
    Here comes Sweatpant Boner Man,
    Getting some love the only way he can -
    Boner Man.

  17. #17
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I'm not saying 20-year-old guys are already mature, but they have to start acting mature at some point and twenty is as good a point as any. Personally, if my boyfriend was ashamed of me and wanted me to hide whenever his friends came to my workplace, I would take that as a big slap in the face. His woman should not be subject to his friends' silly opinions.

  18. #18
    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    ^^

    Yeah I get what youre saying there...we actually had that conversation last night. I know he's not ashamed of me per se. I know how some of his friends and some of his family can be, and yes they'll probebly say horrible things. I was always one of those people that didn't give a shit what people say...so that doesn't bother me...but it bothers him go figure.
    Its definatly getting to me even more now...because for the 2nd night in a row, I had to leave because of somebody he knew being there. This time it was family...his future bro in law having his bachelor party to be precise. I tried to wait it out to see if they'd leave...but after 2 hours they were still there, happy enough to shit. I hadn't made shit for money because it was so dead...I had to take 60 bucks out of my wallet to pay for my shots (if youre not 21 you have to sell $120 worth of shots...). Now I'm frustrated as hell...because yes, I did agree that this would be a big secret at 1st, my fault...but now I'm so happy and in a weird way proud, that I don't want to. I don't want to run out and tell everybody...but I shouldn't have to hide in my own workplace...thats just sad. It really sucks when youre not doing anything wrong but you have to be a big sneak because of what people think about it. I have never, ever had to be a sneak in my entire life until now and I don't like it.


    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    Boner Man, Boner Man,
    Here comes Sweatpant Boner Man,
    Getting some love the only way he can -
    Boner Man.

  19. #19
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    ^Wow. That really does suck. I feel ya tho...it's way easier said than done.

    Maybe he could like, do you the favor of making sure they are NOT going there?? Tell them he has something else planned and to hang out with him instead? And then on your nites off, he could GO WITH THEM so they get it outta their system for awhile?

    I kno it doens't always work that way, and he can't control his friends when he's not around, but yes I think you will feel A LOT better when you are only hiding it from one group of ppl (his family) not 2. But I agree--it's all on your shoulders, and it's just not fair. I would rather tell his friends than have them find me at the pole. Then they'd have some kind of Story...don't give them that. And yes they do need to man up, and you need to be prepared to be a BITCH if they give you ANY shit in yours or yr bf's presence...they will get over it eventually.

    But it just sounds as is there is a huge risk of getting "caught" while on stage...NOOO!!!!

  20. #20
    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    ^^^

    That would be a good idea but he's not 21 so he can't go with them!

    Itold him it would be better if he just came out about it instead of me getting caught on stage. Somebodies gonna find out eventually...so this is just like pulling teeth...


    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
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    Here comes Sweatpant Boner Man,
    Getting some love the only way he can -
    Boner Man.

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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Quote Originally Posted by Taylorlila View Post
    ^^

    Yeah I get what youre saying there...we actually had that conversation last night. I know he's not ashamed of me per se. I know how some of his friends and some of his family can be, and yes they'll probebly say horrible things. I was always one of those people that didn't give a shit what people say...so that doesn't bother me...but it bothers him go figure.
    Its definatly getting to me even more now...because for the 2nd night in a row, I had to leave because of somebody he knew being there. This time it was family...his future bro in law having his bachelor party to be precise. I tried to wait it out to see if they'd leave...but after 2 hours they were still there, happy enough to shit. I hadn't made shit for money because it was so dead...I had to take 60 bucks out of my wallet to pay for my shots (if youre not 21 you have to sell $120 worth of shots...). Now I'm frustrated as hell...because yes, I did agree that this would be a big secret at 1st, my fault...but now I'm so happy and in a weird way proud, that I don't want to. I don't want to run out and tell everybody...but I shouldn't have to hide in my own workplace...thats just sad. It really sucks when youre not doing anything wrong but you have to be a big sneak because of what people think about it. I have never, ever had to be a sneak in my entire life until now and I don't like it.
    Would it be so bad if they at least knew you were a shot girl at the club? Can you have the dj take you off rotation, but let you go around for shots? I can understand not wanting the bf's family to know, but is shot girl as bad as stripper to them?

  22. #22
    God/dess Taylorlila's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseLeigh View Post
    Would it be so bad if they at least knew you were a shot girl at the club? Can you have the dj take you off rotation, but let you go around for shots? I can understand not wanting the bf's family to know, but is shot girl as bad as stripper to them?

    I actually have said that to him. Hopefully if something like that happens again, and I see them before I'm caught, I'll be able to do just that. I'd rather take the cut being offstage and losing dances than have to pay for all my shots and leave...that sucked.
    I don't think we'll come out and tell everyone I'm a shot girl unless someone showed up...because then everyone would decide to come visit me, and I don't want that.


    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    Boner Man, Boner Man,
    Here comes Sweatpant Boner Man,
    Getting some love the only way he can -
    Boner Man.

  23. #23
    Senior Member kelster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lying About Stripping is Getting to Me

    I compleatly understand this! I have worse situation in that I too have the boyfriends family that wouldn't understand and my own family would flip. I think that it is really a need to know situation. It may suck to keep a secret but some people are just not open minded and from another time period. Its best to just hold it in or it could cost you way more pain than just keeping your mouth shut. When anyone I know found out about me it was "Oh my egads! WTF! OH!" so lame.

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