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Thread: I can't do it anymore!!!!

  1. #1
    Gypsy74
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    Default I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Stripping is sucking the soul out of me.

    Not so much the stripping, but the closeness, I didn't feel this drained when I just did air-dances.....but these couch dances are making me lose it. I feel too much from people, I can't just block it out. Anyone who's done a couch dance or a contact dance I'm sure can understand-- you get so freaking close to the person without even knowing them.. rubbing up against perfect strangers.. I can't do it anymore.

    I was going to work tonight. I need the money. I have no cash at all, everything is in savings, and I don't want to dip into it, but I didn't go. I went to a show and watched my boyfriend play music instead, and now I'm about to go out again. I was even all dressed up and going to catch the bus from the bar, I had my makeup half done, my extensions in, bag full of stripper clothes, the whole nine yards, and I just couldn't make myself do it.

    i guess my only feasible option at this point is to try to get night shifts at Club 205.. are there any other stage-only or stage-oriented clubs in this town that are lucrative??

    Does anyone else get this spiritually/emotionally drained? What do you do about it? How do you heal yourself? I need to work but I can't sell my soul.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    if i chose to dance for a guy, at that point he wasn't really a 'stranger' anymore.

    but then my experience is primarily contact dancing, with airdancing occurring at my discretion and not as something i could expect the customers to be happy with.

    i stopped dancing for everyone who had a 20 and focused on dancing for a few guys i liked/found appeal in. at least for me in contact-ville, it made dancing a pleasure to look forward to rather than a game of dodge-em. plus, made more moneys off fewer dudes.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member fifi's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    You know, most clubs in this town are air dance only. You don't have to go to stage only. You can make a decent anount off air dances. Not like couch dances probably, but you could make a nice amount.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gypsy74 View Post
    Stripping is sucking the soul out of me.
    I have seen it countless times. There are women who can handle it, even for years on end, but they are the ones who are able to put up barriers, or find tricks to enable them to deal with it.

    From what I've seen, the average career span of a dancer is about 6 months. Then the burnout and frustration sets in, and they either toughen up, quit, or suffer.

    Most women can't deal with it. There's not a goddamned thing wrong with you. Ironically enough, realizing this might just make it easier to deal with it.

    Good luck, try to hang in there...
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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  5. #5
    Callyish
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    I've been there. When I was working contact clubs in Toronto it seriously sucked the life out of me. I was depressed, I hated myself, I hated everyone and I would cry for no damn reason. I couldn't handle it. Luckily I had the freedom to travel so I was able to start showgirl work(paid stage dancing in Western Canada) then worked myself to feature.

    Maybe travel to a city with airdancing and work two weeks a month then go home for two weeks? That way you can still make money and still see your man. If you do this though force yourself to work 12 out of the 14 days so you make as much money as you can.

  6. #6
    Featured Member paintgoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Honey, I feel you. I've also changed clubs, and I really miss where we used to work. We were so spoiled. Now doing $10 dances that are a lot more frisky, I'm at the point where I grit my teeth and do it. And I smile when all I want to do is walk out. Some a-hole upstairs tonight took off his belt and gave it to a dancer who was whipping all of us (without my consent) while we danced for the other guys. Then the guys started to spank us HARD leaving welts. WTF. I wasn't getting paid enough for that shit. (I walked out and didn't go back.) Sometimes I look up at the ceiling and wonder why I'm doing this for money.

    I can only work two days a week, and I need to be working three or four but I can't stomach more than two. It takes two days to recover from a shift and feel like I'm all me again.

    I wish I could give you a solution, but all I can do is say that I think I understand and that I'm also frustrated like you. I know you are a really smart girl and absolutely gorgeous. I hope you get a regular who rubs your feet and back and drops big bucks on you and makes the dancing worth your while. I'm going to cross my fingers for you.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Strippers are like ninjas. You never know how many there are or if the person next to you is one.
    Quote Originally Posted by Emily View Post
    ...I assume you probably don't want to deal with pervs, and the guys that just don't give a fuck about money are like unicorns...
    Quote Originally Posted by Sinder View Post
    I know I have said it before, and I'll say it again.... THE VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR!


  7. #7
    God/dess GoldCoastGirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    This is why I have a tolerance and you won't be finding me doing too many 5 nights per week type of work weeks anytime soon (unless i'm super motivated) here on the Gold Coast. I really can only work three nights per week in this environment.

    I don't so much mind rubbing up against random strangers. I can handle that as I'm a sensual person and since I am single with no regular "loving" happening in that department (it happens whenever it can happen) I kind of use the customers I am lap dancing as a way to keep my sensuality. I love to touch and be touched.

    So anyway, when I work in environments where I am allowed to touch yet they can't touch me it is such a turn on for me. I can readily and easily handle that sort of environment instead of one where they are allowed to touch/grope me.

    My ideal is one way contact (dancer to customer) lap dances where the customer is only allowed to lightly touch you (the dancer) ie the back, neck, shoulders, arms. I'm not a huge fan (anymore) of having my boobs and ass etc touched by random strangers. Neither am I a fan of air dances as I'm a sensual dancer (I like to be able to touch the customer in a dance).

    It can be soul stealing if you do not know what your own personal limitations and boundaries are set. It actually took me awhile (a few years) of learning the hard way before I realised what I like in re doing lap dances.


    enter: E3167322D9 for your 10% discount

  8. #8
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    if you find you can't do contact, then you've discovered it early. when i'm dancing more than 3 days a week, i don't have sex. i don't have any drive and i pretty much lose interest (my club is VERy high contact). when i cut down to 2 days over the summer to accommodate condensed summer courses, my sex drive returned full force. if contact affects you and you have a choice, then make it. at least you found out soon. many of us here can empathize.

  9. #9
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    I'm desensitized to it at this point. It only bothers me occasionally, but then, I give pretty low contact dances compared to a lot of girls.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

  10. #10
    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    I have seen it countless times. There are women who can handle it, even for years on end, but they are the ones who are able to put up barriers, or find tricks to enable them to deal with it.

    From what I've seen, the average career span of a dancer is about 6 months. Then the burnout and frustration sets in, and they either toughen up, quit, or suffer.

    Most women can't deal with it. There's not a goddamned thing wrong with you. Ironically enough, realizing this might just make it easier to deal with it.

    Good luck, try to hang in there...
    I'm not even at the 6 month mark yet, I'm 5 days over my 3 month mark. I've only been dancing for three months and five days. That's nothing. That's a blink. a hiccup. I went into this with the mindset that this was it, this was the last job I was going to have that doesn't require the college degree I'm working on. I went into this so I didn't have to work at starbucks, be a waitress or hostess in a restaurant, a poorly paid daycare employee, work retail or do nonprofit canvassing (my previous jobs)..because I knew that the companies I worked for were big corporations exploiting their employees, and I could be smart about it and make a lot more money for my time and effort- and I did. I loved dancing at my old club- We really were spoiled,paintgoddess, it was awesome there. I loved everything about it - the dances we offered, the girls were mostly nice, the customers not too grabby, the management, everything. Now here... I feel like the management is condescending to me because I'm underage as defined by the OLCC, and I can't make as much money because of this.

    Im going to work tonight at D2, because it's a slow night, Sunday, no housefee, I have a regular who usually comes in around 11, and Greg spongebob fatback won't be the manager tonight. I haven't worked the 4th, so it's been 2 weeks!!

    I found too that the couch dances got increasingly more difficult after I got a boyfriend, and my sex drive goes way down when I work more than 2 nights a week, it's just too much output of sexual energy and none reciprocated... so it drains you. I'm going to try to pick and choose customers that I WANT to dance for, only the ones who have good energy, and are attractive to me.. no gross smelly, stubbly, lickers, kissers or grabbers.

    I went into this knowing that I could do it, and I know I can do it longer than 6 months, I just need to find a way to not let it drain me. I didn't go into this thinking it would be a 3 month stint, I went into it knowing it would be the last job I would have in my college career, that I would be doing it for at least 3 years until I graduate and get on my feet with a real job, or save up enough money from it to become an entrepreneur.

  11. #11
    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Towards the end of my strip-career I started wearing jewelery with mirrors on them. I felt like they kept the negative energy at arms length. I dunno. I had to do something.

    Now I'm pretty cooky/superstitious so I'll do stuff like burning white candles, wearing certain essential oils, deep breathing/meditations, wearing stones (onyx for example). Okay, i haven't done this stuff for a while and I just started back on it acknowledgin my current depression so ... I'm not sure if any of this helps. I might just be a little wacky.

  12. #12
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    I have seen it countless times. There are women who can handle it, even for years on end, but they are the ones who are able to put up barriers, or find tricks to enable them to deal with it.

    From what I've seen, the average career span of a dancer is about 6 months. Then the burnout and frustration sets in, and they either toughen up, quit, or suffer.

    Most women can't deal with it. There's not a goddamned thing wrong with you. Ironically enough, realizing this might just make it easier to deal with it.

    Good luck, try to hang in there...
    He speaks the truth!

    6 months. 3 months. Same thing. It's not an easy job or more women would be doing it. If you can't compartmentalize it, you will never be successful with it. There are tricks for deal with it, but the main "trick" is making work life completely different from real life.

    For me, this means not seeing guys or talking to them OTC (other than an occasional "I'll see you tonight!" and only then for very good customers....meaning will spend $500+ and aren't dirty.)

    It means doing things during my off time that make me feel good about myself (working out, playing with my dogs, spending time with people that like me for me.)

    It means not going beyond my physical comfort zone at work. We all have one and we've all pushed it. When you feel gross about it, it's time to stop, even if all the other girls are doing it. There is even an ethical comfort zone with me that I won't cross (like ripping off customers.) Even if that means losing out on big money. I'd rather lose a customer than hate my job or myself for doing it.

    You say it's a drain of your sexual energy to be at work. That's a sign that you're doing it all wrong. It should never feel sexual. I guess that's another "trick" I have. I can detach my mind from my body. I don't even feel them touching me most of the time. And that touching is like legs and back (breasts are okay, but not the nipple....too sexual of an area.) I can't even do a lap dance where my vaginal area touches them. It's all legs, ass and torso.

  13. #13
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Yes, Emily is right about detaching yourself from your body. I have to do this too. I might even say that increased contact ITC actually inspires me to be more sexual, because I am absorbing all of that sexual energy. I can sort of "store" it for later use, or even enjoy it at the time if the mood suits me. Is that fucked up? I don't know. But a lot of the time contact doesn't bother me. The only thing that freaks me out about it is when the guy is not respecting me and trying to push my boundaries. I want to feel like I let the customer touch out of my own desire for him to touch me. I also don't want anyone touching my boobs these days because I'm still giving my baby some milk. They partially belong to her right now.

    I absolutely won't let anyone play with my bikini area though. Even if I'm enjoying it, even if it's the hottest customer ever, even if they are offering a tip, I just can't fathom where their hands might have been. It's physically dirty.

  14. #14
    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    the problem is though, I can't even deal with the 1-way contact that the D2 has for couch dances. The customers can't touch us at all, we have to touch them for a couch dance- there's absolutely no way around not touching them during a couch dance, unless I were to just sit on the pillow on their lap and try to talk through the dance.. which doesn't work, because they want you to rub your cheek against theirs and push your body against theirs and do all that weird couch dance stuff. there is no other way to make money in the club besides the couch dances either.....except for air dances but no one wants them.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    There are thirty clubs in Portland that don't have couch dances, though. The only ones that do, to my knowledge, are DI, DII, and Safari. Everywhere else is stage dancing and air dancing.

  16. #16
    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    I know, that's the frustrating thing- the other clubs I don't think have much earnings potential because they either won't hire me because I'm a minor, are higher-contact juice bars, or aren't lucrative for a dancer who can't mingle and hustle the customers.

    Or maybe there's a club out there that would hire me and i could make money at that isn't jiggles,carnaval or hotties ?? Any suggestions? You know portland way better than I do.

    I stopped by Carnaval last night w/ my boyfriend to check it out and it was horrible. 2 girls in the whole place dancing for a COMPLETELY empty audience. The only people there were the owner and the dancers. It was around 10 pm. No one at all... and they were still dancing.

  17. #17
    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    I may be the only one here that isn't supportive.

    I don't feel like I have to "detach my soul" in order to dance... I absolutely love my job.

    I see girls like you all the time at my club... and they feel the way you do. They end up leaving a week later. This job isn't for everyone. Try finding a place you're more comfortable in, if that doesn't work, maybe waitressing at the club instead will. good luck!

  18. #18
    Gypsy74
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post

    I see girls like you all the time at my club... and they feel the way you do. They end up leaving a week later.
    There are no other girls like me.

    No feelings are the same. I can't even articulate how I feel about it properly.

    I'm not leaving a week later.

    If I was like them, I would have been gone three months ago.

  19. #19
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Gypsy74 View Post
    There are no other girls like me.
    Oh, honey. We're all unique and wonderful snowflakes. You know that what she meant is that there are a lot of other women who have had the same experience of stripping that you have. And I'd bet a thousand dollars that you *would* leave Corgan's club in Texas within a week, if couch dancing in Oregon is draining you.

    Look, it's rough being a minor here. I don't think they should let minors dance in alcohol clubs in OR, period, because it's stupid and a hassle to have two separate sets of rules for dancers. But that's what you are and that's what you have to work with. Have you auditioned at any stage-heavy clubs in the two weeks that you haven't been into the DII? There are a lot of discussions of them in Club Chat to get you started with a list of places to try.

  20. #20
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    I don't feel like I have to "detach my soul" in order to dance... I absolutely love my job.
    Me too.

    I've been that girl who had to totally detach from herself to dance. I changed how I danced and now I love it. I wish I could articulate the difference in a way that might be useful for you, but it's not working.



  21. #21
    Member Jessica 2007's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Everyone goes through this babe...... you are not alone I suggest you go back to a club that you are comfortable at. It is totally understandable to feel how you feel especially if you are young your coping skills are still developing and its a huge thing to deal with.
    SO you have a choice, you can keep trying to work at your club and try and deal with it in your own way Or go back to where your comfortable. I know the money may not be as good but hey it's not worth feeling like this, you obviously have a sensitive little soul so go look after it.
    Goodluck
    You know what they say about redheads, don't you?

  22. #22
    Veteran Member fifi's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    I agree with Susan. I have only worked in air dance clubs, and for the first few months I RARELY did a private dance (it was a small, new club still drumming up business). I made most of my money on stage. I still make between1/3-1/2 my income on stage, and that's only because I've dummed up some regulars. I think most of the girls at my club make most of their money on stage most nights. It may not be AS lucrative as the dolphin, but with proper budgeting i'm sure it could stil be very comfortable. You're probably not making much at the Dolphin because it's a very private dance focused club, and from what I hear, those clubs don't generate a lot of stage money because people go there planning to spend their money on dances, not stage.

    $100-$200 a night isn't a lot, but isn't it WAY better than most entry level jobs? You can probably expect a minimum of that if you found a stage focused club (which is probably most in Portland) that allows minors. Maybe you should ask Susan for reccomendations, she seems to know Portland well.

  23. #23
    StrayStripper
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    I can't handle contact dances. I just can't. When I started, I didn't grind. I didn't allow touching. Then I got desperate to earn more money (even though I was doing fine) and was a grinder for 3 weeks. It broke me. I couldn't deal with it. I was doing something I wasn't comfortable with and felt like I had to vomit when I looked in the mirror.

    I switched clubs where low contact dances do sell (friskier dances are available but fuck that ... lol) and am completely happy with my boundaries and the no crotch environment.

    Portland is one of the lowest contact cities in the US. There has to be a club for you. Whatever you do, please know your boundaries and work with them. Crossing them is the fast track to insanity. No money is worth doing what you don't want to do.

  24. #24
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    ^^I agree. If you can't find somewhere you are comfortable in Portland, you have to consider that this job may not be for you.

  25. #25
    Veteran Member absolutbliss's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't do it anymore!!!!

    Sometimes I blur my vision together and just concentrate on a song. It's horrible but it seems to pass the time. Or I'll think about something like my cat, or something I'd like to buy for her after my shift. Anything to do the "detatch" thing...
    I'd grab my trumpet and I'd do a stripper sound, like the old Louis Armstrong, real raspy. And the people would go nuts! Then I knew that the sexual, sensual, guttural sound, that throbbing sound, is where it's at.

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