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Thread: Is it right too

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    Default Is it right too

    Find someone to sort of kinda date just to see if you can do it? My wife and I are spending time appart and I don't know if I can date someone else.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    Default Re: Is it right too

    No, don't put yourself through it or them. See others when you are ready not to just see if you can do it. Save yourself and possible dates from the emotional stress.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
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  3. #3
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    You are probably better off being by yourself right now. Dating will be too hard and you wont get a proper perspective.

    Concentrate on YOU and spending time with friends. If you meet someone...so be it, but make sure she KNOWS what you are going through so she has no expectations.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Be careful. When someone says, "I think that we should spend time apart to find ourselves," it usually translates to, "I'm going to go out and have fun, you stay in reserve in case I don't find someone else."

    I agree, use this time to nurture yourself and get back on your feet.

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    God/dess LuckyOne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no, its not right. Of course you can date someone- anyone can find someone to date if they're willing to lower their standards enough.

    But seriously, you're probably not ready for a new relationship anyway. When you are... it will just happen. No need to go out and f*ck with other people to make yourself feel better.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    No.

    If that's the way it works out, get divorced, and then start dating. But now is not the time.

    Just my two cents.

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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Thanks everyone, I hope you all don't get tired of me but I'm going to be asking lot's of these questions for a while.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    I'm going to disagree here--a bit. IMO there is nothing at all wrong with seeing other people during a separation (whether legal or just through mutual agreement). It is not "wrong" of you to go out with someone. You are free to do as you please.

    While I do agree with the others that you should focus on you and getting yourself happy, I don't see any reason why you couldn't go out on a totally no-strings, we're-both-just-having-fun date. Not everyone woman wants to marry every man she goes out with. I don't see anything wrong with having a fun night out with a new girl that can remind you of some of the lighter, less jaded parts of yourself. It might even help you put some things in perspective. But more than anything it might make you stop obsessing and just smile for a little bit. I'd like to see that.

  9. #9
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Oh--and anyone who is bothered by your questions can piss off.

  10. #10
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    I'm with Dottie. You need to remind yourself that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so grab a snorkel and dive in! I doubt you're ready to catch one but there's nothing wrong with a good swim through the reef.

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    Veteran Member Obenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    I guess it all depends on what exactly the arrangement is with your wife. You know, the person you're married to. Is your arrangement to "be separate for a while", or is it "be separate for a while AND date/have sex with other people." ? That's a huge difference. You might want to clear that up first.

    If you stay together, you're going to make it a lot harder for both of you by "dating" while you're separated. If your wife wants to get back together, she may change her mind when she finds out you've been dating other women and want a divorce instead.

    If you don't get back together, your "dating" while separated and legally married can come back to bite you in the ass big time during divorce proceedings because technically, you're cheating (esp if you have sex with someone else). You're really opening yourself up to have that used against you in a big way.

    Marriage and divorce isn't a game. You need to think about what you're doing and what it will do to yourself and others in your life, not to mention the poor soul you try out your "dating experiment" on. It's not fair to them either.

    I know people do it all the time. I did it myself. But I really think it's better to just wait and see if you get divorced first.

  12. #12
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Just to clarify....I dont think it would be morally wrong to date in this situation...but he said he wants to date to see how it is and if he can do it. In HIS specific situation it wont work...simply because he's too stressed and his head isnt in the right place at the moment. So he wont get a true picture of how the dating world is.

    I would hate to see him try to date and come to the conclusion that he cant do it and will never find someone because it doesnt feel right. His emotions are running on such a rollercoaster he could have a date with a Playboy centerfold and it wouldnt make him happy.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Quote Originally Posted by Obenta View Post
    Marriage and divorce isn't a game. You need to think about what you're doing and what it will do to yourself and others in your life, not to mention the poor soul you try out your "dating experiment" on. It's not fair to them either.
    Cause every woman is desperately searching for a man to spend eternity with, and that's all they want.

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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Yes I think you should go out and not necessarily date but have some fun.

    Just remember if you get back together it might cause problems. Even though you are not officially together, some partners will still view it as unfaithful.
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    For the ones that don't know she is seeing someone else and she has told me she has cheated on me with him. If I did do this I would make it clear as a bell what's going on. I do not want to cause someone the pain I'm going through. I can't say what's going to happen, but I do know I don't want to be 35 and alone.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  16. #16
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    So....you just want the sex, at least for now, right? And someone to chill with. That's fine. A man needs his sex and company. I wouldn't get so wrapped up in the terminology of it, and there are plenty of women who want the same thing and will not feel like a poor soul who is getting experimented on. I also wouldn't worry too much about how the future of it will hurt you and yr wife's relationship. She DID cheat on you after all right? Love will come thru in the end, and you'll both know it if there is ever a time you both fall completely back in love--and that can happen. So do what you gotta do for now.

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    Default Re: Is it right too

    NO I don't want sex. Strange to hear? Not right away anyway.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  18. #18
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Well, even better then, I guess, as far as getting emotionally involved. But I gotta say...if a brand new guy I'd never met before just wanted to hang out casually, I'd be wondering where the sex was? Why do you even call it dating then? I don't think there's anything to worry about now at all, and you may even brighten some girl's life up, who never heard of a guy only wanting to be her friend...

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    Default Re: Is it right too

    But if you knew what was going on you would still feel this way???
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  20. #20
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    I'd be your friend, as long as you were mine and it wasn't all about your relationship.

  21. #21
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    I would not talk about my relationship. I would just let you know what was going on so that it would be out in the open. I have been lied to and I don't want to do that to someone.
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

  22. #22
    Veteran Member Obenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post
    Cause every woman is desperately searching for a man to spend eternity with, and that's all they want.
    Let's not jump to conclusions here. You just made quite a leap that doesn't make any sense. I think it's safe to say that when people date, they are usually a little interested in each other, enjoy each other's company and are spending time together to see where things might go (if anywhere).
    Last edited by Obenta; 09-17-2007 at 07:10 AM. Reason: typo

  23. #23
    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    ^^I don't think that is safe to say. I don't think there is necessarily always an endpoint in sight. I've gone out with plenty of people that I would not spend my life with if you paid me a billion dollars. I'm sure they'd say the same of me. lol But we had fun and it was a new experience.

    And the idea that there can be no "dating" without sex...Woah! So not true! Yikes.

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    Default Re: Is it right too

    I'm sorry BD Don't date right now just to see if you can. Wait a little bit till you feel that you want to.


  25. #25
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    Default Re: Is it right too

    Quote Originally Posted by Dottie Rebel View Post

    And the idea that there can be no "dating" without sex...Woah! So not true! Yikes.
    Really? So there is something wrong with me?
    "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

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