I consider myselfa pretty kind person. I also think I am fairly good at helping people through rough times. It's almost a maternal side of me, (without having to pop out anymore kiddies!) and I'm not bragging, I am proud of that fact that I enjoy helping and talking to people when they need/want it.
But it's come ot my attention that there's one hting I really don't deal well with.
Death. An I'm not sure why. No one close to me has died, so it's not a left over feeling or emotion. The thought of death doesn't freak me out, but the pain that someone is going through....I have no idea how to deal with that. I get uncomfotable. Clam up. And want to be anywhere but there at that moment.
I've helped people go through other things that I haven't experienced as well, and haven't had this type of reaction. So WTH?
This all came up because about a month ago (and I have noticed it before, but with people who weren't as close to me, so it didn't seem like a big deal...I guess) my husband had to attend a gathering for the death of one of his customers, who was also a good friend of his.
Then last night, our neighbor and best friend who is a cop....well, hi best friend on the squad was shot and died yesterday. So we went to their house to be with them....
And I feel terrible because all I want to do is be a friend to this guy, be supportive and give him what he needs/wants right now. But I can't. And it's so weird for me.
So yah....not sure if there was a point beyond just posting this...I'm just not sure how to do this and I know I need to be there for my friends when they go through it. Buggars, it's odd.



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Sometimes I'll be lying in bed overthinking as always and I'll think about someone really close to me dying. I've never lost anyone close to me and I honestly don't know what I'd do. It gives me panic attacks when I start thinking stuff like that, and it's probably for the fact that death is inevitable. Scary. I know this was totally off the subject, but when people bring up death that's how I react. All panicky and stuff

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