Results 1 to 25 of 25

Thread: Why should i be ok with this?

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Why should i be ok with this?

    My wife decided she wanted to start stripping...fine. I'm jealous, i'm in the army, i'm in germany she's in the united states, complications don't allow her to join me here in germany. I'm happy for her, it makes me proud that she gave birth to our second child 3 months ago and she still looks good enough to be a dancer. At the same time i'm overwhelmed with jealousy. I told her i wanted pictures, she has yet to send them. I won't be able to go home again to see her until sometime around X-Mas. Am I being an ass by being frustrated? Am I being an ass for not being more supportive of her? I just wish she'd share with me what she shares with a bunch of other guys. Why should I be ok with this? Sorry i wasn't sure where exactly the appropriate place was to post this. Any advice you could give me would be great. Thanks...

    -A Jealous Guy

  2. #2
    Newbie
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Let me add quickly. i have told her at this point (seeing as she has an audition at a nicer place tonight) that i want her to do this i just wish she'd help me to feel less "Left out". I'm excited for her, i'm proud of her, tonight will be her second night, i'm just Outrageously Jealous. I would even be excited to see her dance and give her advice. I even get excited thinking about her dancing for other guys, and wishing i could encourage her and give her advice to take more of their money and be more exciting/sensual or whatever to the guys she dances for. Maybe i have this all wrong but anyhow Thanks again...

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    I think it's perfectly normal for you to be frustrated and upset that you are not with your wife. That's got nothing to do with stripping and everything to do with the separation. Long-distance relationships are extremely difficult.

  4. #4
    Newbie
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Well yeah, I agree with your statement, but should i Not be jealous that as many guys that will pay a cover charge can see my wife near naked and i cannot...don't get me wrong, i have nothing wrong with dancing and at this point feel like i would be just fine with it so long as she was willing to help me feel a bit more involved. Maybe i just have my own insecurities to deal with, and i can accept that as well. It's like i said, i'm excited about it to some extent, i'm happy for her and like i said even proud of her. I know she can do this, i know she is beautiful and the extra money can only help our family out. I'm just jealous and have a hard time dealing with it.

  5. #5
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jan 2007
    Posts
    1,242
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    First of all thank you for your service.

    I can see why you would be so jealous, being so far away, unable to talk often, and unable to see her. The idea of her sharing her time and showing her body would bother many guys, especially under already strained circumstances.

    Can you tell her what you posted here? Why won't she send you pictures? I thinkthere are a few military wives here, maybe they can give you the perspective of a wife who may feel left behind.

    All I can say is, she isn't sharing as much as you might think. Strip Clubs sell the illusion of intimacy. From your post, it seems like the problem is more in the long distance military marriage than her dancing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Helle View Post
    ::WARNING:: stripperweb does not contain the views of any actual strippers ::WARNING::

  6. #6
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Well, it's not like she's withholding it. You're just not there. And that's not your fault or hers. You can't help how you feel, either, so I wouldn't worry about whether you "should" feel a particular way or not. Feelings are feelings and they're normal and uncontrollable. What matters is how you act, so just focus on how happy and proud she makes you, and make sure she knows it. When you guys are together again, I'm sure she'll love to dance for you, and it'll be better for you than any paying customer because she loves you.

  7. #7
    Newbie
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    This is a bit helpful... thanks for your replies, and i'll do my best, it's getting easier to deal with the first time i felt like i was absolutely losing my mind and pulling out the little hair the military allows me to have. I'll try and be more supportive of her etc... thanks for your advice and hopefully things work out well...i'll let you know... Despite my jealousy i'm not about to lose my wife over some petty bulls**t like this.
    -Just a Joe

  8. #8
    cameron_keys
    Guest

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    There has to be a middle ground here...ways she can help you feel involved even though you arent there. Do you have camera phones? If you do..maybe she can take pics of herself in the dressing room and send them to you while shes at work so you can feel like you are part of her life. Maybe she can even convince a cpl other girls there to take silly pics with her...even going in before the club opens or staying a minute after if closes to take goofy pics on stage.
    I know a lot of girls would be happy to take pics for such a reason...I would.
    She obviously wont be allowed to take pics on the floor during open hours...but in the dressing room with the other girls permission she can.

    Maybe she can email you silly work stories as they come up to make you feel part of her life.

    Dont think its all glamour and seduction either..lol! Reading this site for about 5 minutes should clear you of all such illusions!

    Maybe direct her to this site...there are quite a few dancing (and other) military wives here she can closely relate to.

    And cudos to you for being so supportive. I for one hope you get to come home soon.

  9. #9
    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    japan
    Posts
    3,724
    Thanks
    315
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 703 Posts
    My Mood
    Goofy

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    I danced while my Husband was stationed over in Germany. Well, I danced for two months until the pregnancy made me too sick to walk, let alone dance. lol But we talked a lot over AOL IM and Yahoo! IM, and I would send him lots of pictures of me in my dancing outfits and me on my own pole.
    I just kinda felt bad, (since he wasnt there and I knew he felt jealous and possesive) about sharing details about what I did, who I talked to, and in genereal what happened at work. I wasnt sure how he would react hearing about what a custy would say or do. And I knew he would get angry (not at me mind you) if I told him about a custy who was overly aggressive or who didnt pay me, or if a girl said something derogatory towards me, etc.
    Try to make her feel like you are interested and that you want to be a part of it. That might make her open more.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


  10. #10
    Veteran Member beautiful.'s Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    645
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    I'm married to a civilian who is now a defense contractor. I'm in Texas with our son and he is in Colorado.. I've been back to dancing for almost a year now, and of course he isn't excited about it and he doesn't really want to hear me talk about it. I pretty much leave dancing out of it, unless I have a funny story where I made fun of a customer or something. However, I think the root of your problem is the distance between you, which I know is really hard but you can make it. I saw my husband last in August, and I won't see him again until the middle of December..

    My husband's biggest problem is that I'm showing my sexual side to a room full of strange men and he doesn't get to see it. We both went out and bought webcams and we usually get on them every night (if I don't have too much homework, not too tired etc) and do "adult stuff".. It's of course not the same thing but it's as close as we can get, and it really has helped him out with his jealousy and keeps our relationship close.

    Maybe I'm totally off base here with what your problem is, but if it's anything like my husband's problem, try the webcam thing if you guys could get into it I know you guys are in completely different time zones, but there must be a time that you could meet online. I wish you nothing but luck, just hang in there.. You'll get through it. I'd also like to thank you for being away from your family to allow my family and I freedom. You're very appreciated.

  11. #11
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2003
    Posts
    8,351
    Thanks
    85
    Thanked 342 Times in 244 Posts
    Blog Entries
    3
    My Mood
    Mellow

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    RM, I also appreciate what you are doing for us. Thank you!

    I'm an older guy and have never walked in your shoes but I can certainly understand your anxiety. It has to be a very difficult to be away from home and easy to conjure up all sorts of things in your mind because of the separation. Just try to dispel those phantoms and be as understanding and supportive about it as you can. If you read through the dancer posts here, 99.999999% of the women view stripping as a job, period.

    Your reunion in Dec will be great Be cool and give her the opportunity to tell you all about it.

    Again, thank you for your service to our country and best wishes.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  12. #12
    Newbie
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    I really appreciate all your input and i'm even surprised at how many military people are on here. I never woulda thunk it. Like i said you've all been very helpful...i'm still waiting/hoping/keeping my fingers crossed in regards to finding out how her audition went but she's still not answering the phone so i suppose that's probably a good thing, i have to laugh at someones comment in regards to the time zone, i don't let it affect me, hehe, i've figured out how to sleep during lunch, in the morning just before work (as my wife's going to sleep) and for about 4 hours after work and that works out pretty well. I stay up most of the night though in order to talk to her. That's when all the fun stuff happens anyways. I suppose that's irrelevant though, thanks again, and don't hesitate to post more if you've got it. Good luck to the rest of you as well. My reflection in the past few hours has revealed to me that i need to remember that i love her unconditionally and that i cannot be blinded by my jealousy or anxiety, and i can't let my jealousy or anxiety come between us, there's already 4000 miles between us and anything else between us could only hurt us. Anyways thanks again.

  13. #13
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2003
    Posts
    8,351
    Thanks
    85
    Thanked 342 Times in 244 Posts
    Blog Entries
    3
    My Mood
    Mellow

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    I admire your stoicism regarding her not answering the phone. But I have to admit wondering why you consider it a good thing.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  14. #14
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    in yer bum
    Posts
    3,827
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    ^^I'm guessing because maybe it means she's working and got the job?
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  15. #15
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2003
    Posts
    8,351
    Thanks
    85
    Thanked 342 Times in 244 Posts
    Blog Entries
    3
    My Mood
    Mellow

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Quote Originally Posted by sxybrat07 View Post
    ^^I'm guessing because maybe it means she's working and got the job?
    Duh, I didn't think of that LOL

    Well, best wishes to the OP. I'm out.

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

  16. #16
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    melbourne australia
    Posts
    10,144
    Thanks
    328
    Thanked 219 Times in 133 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    You sound very supportive, more so than many husbands would be.

    I think she should send you some sexy pics, she could get some of the girls to take them of her in the changeroom and send them via phone to you.

    I also think it's normal that you are jealous, I would be worried about my relationship if my bf was too enthusiastic about me dancing.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  17. #17
    Senior Member anabella's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    An apartment
    Posts
    146
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Well I hope she got the job at the nicer club, and it's great that you're able to see that it can be a really good thing for your family.

    I definitely think that you just need to talk to her about what you're feeling and be honest. It seems like you understand what you're feeling, so you just need to share that with her. If it's just the fact that she hasn't sent you pictures and you want to feel more involved, I'm sure she'll understand. She probably doesn't realize how important the pictures are to you. You guys should be able to figure something out to help you feel connected. Have her describe to you how she'll strip for you when you get home!

    Good luck to both of you.

  18. #18
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2002
    Location
    On a sweet muddy river.
    Posts
    6,399
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 78 Times in 43 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Have you told her that you want to hear about her stripping? She probably thinks that since you're jealous she shouldn't talk about it.



  19. #19
    God/dess kitana's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Location
    kentucky
    Posts
    3,582
    Thanks
    49
    Thanked 60 Times in 43 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Quote Originally Posted by RileysMan View Post
    This is a bit helpful... thanks for your replies, and i'll do my best, it's getting easier to deal with the first time i felt like i was absolutely losing my mind and pulling out the little hair the military allows me to have. I'll try and be more supportive of her etc... thanks for your advice and hopefully things work out well...i'll let you know... Despite my jealousy i'm not about to lose my wife over some petty bulls**t like this.
    -Just a Joe
    First off thanks for serving babe.

    Where is your PDS anyway? Our's should be Ft Campbell, so my job is not that far away from the base, but still far enough not to be recognized every day as Sgt So & So's wife, ya know?

    Another thing, is that she is as bored and as crazy as you are, only you get to get up and go to work, she has the kids right? I bet she is feeling cabin fever, lol. Not to mention, a sense of responsibility for providing for the family that she isn't doing. and let's face it, stripping is AMAZING money!
    Most girls in this group make in one week what an E-5 would get monthly after 10+yrs of service.

    I don't know how long you have been overseas, but it's different than state side, if you remember. While there are bad apples in every bunch, the majority of girls simply go to work, dance, then go home to their families.


    I know you are jealous, but remember, those guys at work only see hr dance side, they will not see the real her, only you and her family and friends get that. Besides you are the one that had her heart remember?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Feel like a damn salt lick at the goats petting zoo!
    <08SM>

  20. #20
    Newbie giaanna's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Podunk, MA
    Posts
    10
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    To sum up what we've all been saying here...

    1. Remember that this is a job, so give some though to what the word "job" entails. Not exactly sexy.
    2. The private sexuality you share with your wife is *not* the same sexuality she puts out there for public consumption.
    3. The distance between you is going to amplify any jealousy you might be feeling.

    As for a plan of action...
    I'd point her to this discussion and then ask her again to send some pictures to you. Make sure she knows that it's important to you to feel included. Some dancers (including your author) deliberately don't share work with their partners because we want to protect your feelings. She might be doing the same.

    Thank you thank you thank you for your service! (Und trink bitte ein Bier fuer mich!)

  21. #21
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    1,936
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 32 Times in 26 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    I think a lot of dancers are leery about sharing work stories with partners, because we don't want to provoke any jealousy or weirdness. But with you two so far apart, communication is going to be super important. Make sure your wife understands why you want to see pictures and hear stories -- if you tell her that the idea of her dancing is exciting to you, she'll probably feel less shy about sharing it.

    I do think your wife has a responsibility to call you and talk to you about what is going on, so I hope she will. You're in a complicated situation, but if you are both very open and honest with each other, you'll be fine.

  22. #22
    Newbie
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Well...here's a bit more info... I'm not complaining anymore, last night (When i posted this i was having a horrid night, as you may or may not have been able to tell, this is still new to me) She went to her audition and got the job!! YAY RILEY!!! (Who's "Eva" [Ay-Vah] now, oh well whatever right) while she was at work, i had a revelation, i described above, realizing that i love her unconditionally no matter what her job may be, but unconditionally was the key word, and i realized i was blinded by my jealousy etc... I sent her some text msgs, (I'll send her here and she'll read this and probably correct me that it was more like 50,000,000 texts) but i explained i was sorry i threw a fit and that i wanted to make sure she knew i was ok with this yadda yadda yadda, and everything is okay now in that regard. The new place she's working at is a bit different than the old one where she could walk around and do dollar dances or get stage tips and what not, here they make all their money selling dances, and i tried to give her tips to sell dances, basically based on how guys think, at least in my mind anyways... so hopefully that will help but time will tell... everyday this gets a bit easier for me, i just have an off day from time to time, and i really appreciate all your help and i'm sure my wife does to she just doesn't realize it at this point. Anyhow, the advice has been wonderful keep it coming if you've got anything more.
    -JustAJoe

  23. #23
    Vivacious
    Guest

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Remember, if she's not telling you things, it's not because she's withholding something from you maliciously. Some dancers find it easier to leave work (and their dancer persona) at work, and just be themselves when they get home. The job can be draining, so it's good to have that line of separation.

    Quote Originally Posted by RileysMan View Post
    everyday this gets a bit easier for me, i just have an off day from time to time
    Your feelings are totally normal. It's great that you are being so supportive

  24. #24
    Alaska
    Guest

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    I really like your posts, it's awesome that you care so much and are concerned with yr own normal feelings. I agree with everyone else, and glad to hear it's getting easier. Just a few things to keep in mind would be:

    Not everyone is a dancer forever! I saw a City Confidential the other day, in Malibu where a stripper killed her ex bf. The show said she was "always a good girl, got straight A's, a degree, but decided to do it for the money." I think she was at least 25 and hadn't been doing it for a very long time ...BUT...she will always and forever be the stripper who murdered, not the bank teller...

    On that note, I hope that one day in the future, if you guys are fighting or whatever, that you won't bring it up out of anger. That's really important. You obviously know on a rational level that it's not what defines a person, and you sound like yr on yr way to really believing it, so don't forget it!

    Good luck to you and her, and think about it: only 3 months ago was June, and in that short amount of time, it will be X-Mas, and you guys will be very happy.

  25. #25
    Newbie
    Joined
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Why should i be ok with this?

    Update: i've been getting better at not being too curious, past relationships of mine have unfortunately influenced me to ask for specifics, always, and if i didn't get them i've had a problem trusting the person under the premise that they weren't telling me the whole truth or were leaving something out because they didn't want me to know the whole truth. With that said I'm certain that it's safe to say that i've had an issue trusting someone completely no matter how much I may or may not want to. My wife is someone who, for obvious reasons, i want to trust more than anything in the world and i'm getting better but still struggle from time to time.

    Maybe this is just what the doctor ordered for both her and myself. I know she's struggled in the past with her confidence and what could be better for a womans confidence than having guys want to see you, because of your unmeasurable beauty, dance for them? It makes sense in my mind, maybe not to others but it makes sense to me. Hopefully this will help her self confidence, as i've said before. In my case, like I said it's been hard for me to trust someone and maybe what i needed was to be forced to do so. So Here I am in a situation where i have to trust her if i want to get through this, and fortunately i love her enough that i have no greater desire than to trust her, so that we can make it through this together, growing together through the experience in our own respective ways.

    I'm finding that it's easier for me to ask questions like how was your night, instead of asking for specific details. At the same time she understand where i'm coming from and is okay with it when she starts telling me about the night and is vague at first but becomes more specific until i tell her okay, that's good. She seems to understand, thankfully, that i'm not uninterested but instead that i want to hear that she had a good night, no one took advantage of her, no one was mean to her and she enjoyed herself, and not about how many guys she danced for or exactly how she danced for them. This way when i get home the way i see it she can dance for me if she wants to and i can still feel like she gave me a "special" dance.

    With this said, i want to say again, thank you for all of your advice, and if you have anymore i'd love to hear it. This forum/thread/ and all of your individual posts and Private messages have been more than helpful. Thank you again, keep the advice coming if you've got more.

    As for her, she got her job at the new place and made 2x as much on a thursday night than she did on a friday night at the other place. Furthermore, I found myself giving her advice that i was surprised at myself! It's funny the way things turn out sometime. It's still a bit stressful when i get to thinking "too much" but it's getting much easier and i'm very happy for her! Thanks again take care!

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •