Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: A week at the gym....

  1. #1
    God/dess sxybrat07's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    in yer bum
    Posts
    3,827
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 11 Posts

    A week at the gym....

    Friend of mine sent me this, I couldn't resist posting it...

    Dear Diary,

    For my sixtieth birthday this year, my daughter Rachel (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.



    MONDAY :

    Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave
    me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.
    Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

    TUESDAY :

    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air - then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

    WEDNESDAY :

    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
    Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning; and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair 'monster'. Why the h*** would anyone invent a
    machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators?
    Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other s*** too.

    THURSDAY :

    Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
    Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny b**** to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

    FRIDAY :

    I hate that b**** Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.
    Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps!
    And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the D*** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

    SATURDAY :

    Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.



    SUNDAY :

    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter Rachel (the little s***) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with
    diamonds!!!
    I believe you Dottie and you have my support

  2. #2
    Featured Member dangerousdiva's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Saint to Sin
    Posts
    1,268
    Thanks
    31
    Thanked 63 Times in 36 Posts

    Default Re: A week at the gym....

    Too funny! See, this is why I have never worked out with a trainer...haha

  3. #3
    Senior Member lyra's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2007
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    118
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: A week at the gym....

    very funny!

  4. #4
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The strip club...duh!
    Posts
    868
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 69 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: A week at the gym....

    Funny as hell! Love it!!!
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

Similar Threads

  1. Anyone currently in a Gym now?
    By zippy092 in forum Body Business
    Replies: 37
    Last Post: 11-25-2016, 11:52 AM
  2. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 05-12-2011, 02:03 AM
  3. Picking a Gym
    By Harlequin_Phoenix in forum Body Business
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-24-2010, 12:48 AM
  4. How to get yourself to go to the gym
    By Kisca in forum Body Business
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 06-16-2010, 01:35 PM
  5. I went to the gym!
    By Lena in forum Body Business
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 01-20-2006, 12:33 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •