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Thread: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

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    Default I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Flame shields set to max...

    Alright, I'm a newb. And a custie. And a guy. And I have a real crush on a stripper at the local club who I want to ask out without being a tool, so I'm here to ask other strippers for advice.

    I've noticed from browsing on here that the consensus is that "customers are pathetic and I'd never want to see one outside of work." Well, I admit that lately I am feeling kind of pathetic, too. All my friends have moved away after college so it's just me in town, lonely and still struggling to keep my head above water. I'm socially awkward and I have a hard time meeting people I connect with. I wind up going to this club about once a week just to have someone fun to talk to. That's how I met her.

    Now, I do tip and buy some dances out of respect. I understand that she is working and she's there to make money, so I don't demand that she waste her time making smalltalk with me when she could be selling VIP dances, but I usually go on slow nights so this isn't that much of an issue. I actually feel embarrassed to be paying a girl I'm interested in to take her clothes off for me, even if that's how she makes a living.

    I assume most strippers think that if they meet a guy at the club he must be a loser who's only into her for her body or assume he thinks she's a slut who'll hop into bed with anyone for a price. The girl is hot (obviously) but what I really like is her personality. I'm into her for who she is, or at least who she seems to be at the club. We share a lot of the same interests and I felt like there was some genuine chemistry there, personality-wise (tough to describe). It's like we could have a deep connection if only I could have somehow met her somewhere else (and not fucked things up as I tend to do). I want to take a chance and somehow ask this girl out for something casual, where we can talk and have a good time without a lot of pressure on anybody. Or without getting her in trouble at work.

    I'm sure most of you are smirking about how I obviously got played masterfully and that this is all part of the hustle you pull off dozens of times a night, but the way she was acting, and laughing (this loud, dorky, squeaky laugh that really made me fall for her) makes me want to pursue. I'm not going to throw tons of money at her, and the last thing I want her to think is that I'm trying to solicit her for prostitution, but it would be nice to hang out sometime when she's not working. Since I've only seen her a couple of times I don't think I fall under the category of "regular customer" yet. "Perverted Loser" maybe, but not "regular." Hopefully.

    Fuck, I'm tearing myself up over this. If anyone has any advice, even if it's just to say "you're a fool who should stop deluding yourself," I would appreciate it.

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    I'm not going to laugh at you. I have dated several men I met through work (since I've been doing this for almost a decade). Most were nice short-term relationships, and one was a soul-sucking disaster that really messed me up for YEARS. "Watch out for that first step, it's a doozy!" (Bugs Bunny.)


    Two things you must remember:

    1) She is not her job. And 2) She's doing it for the money.

    & Unfortunately men tend to get all discombobulated once they have seen a female object of affection NAKED. It's just evolutionary science. You wanna fuck her, mang. She's way ahead of you on that curve.

    Make like Don Quixote (the sane, chivalrous parts, that is) and you'll have a memorable dating experience.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    K, first of all ,you don't have to pay her to take her clothes off. If you want to talk to her, and realize her time is money, then papy her to sit with you a for a bit.

    Or be her island, let her come and talk and chill with you when she needs a break from the customers.

    How long have you been hanging out at this club? Weeks? Months? If it's been a long while, then you may be "that one guy that comes in here all the time", no exactly a romatic interest. If you have been there maybe twice now...well, my guess is you're crushing on how she looks in her thong.

    Somewhere in the middle and if you play your cards right, you MAY have a chance.
    I wont say it's impossible, I have known a few girlsI work with who met their SO's from work.

    I wish I had more advice to give you in how to make a move without seeming like every other friggen guy that asks us out "because they jsut want to get to know us better". Hopefully some of hte other girls will have a clue. But otherwise, the best route is probably honesty.




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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Quote Originally Posted by Centaur View Post
    I'm into her for who she is, or at least who she seems to be at the club. We share a lot of the same interests and I felt like there was some genuine chemistry there, personality-wise (tough to describe). It's like we could have a deep connection if only I could have somehow met her somewhere else...
    Enjoy the illusion. It's way better than reality. Trust me.

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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    i almost feel bad for the op

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    I do too. I didn't want to light him up really, he seems nice enough.




  7. #7
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    A few points:

    1. Remember it is her JOB to seem lovely and interested in you.

    2. If she wants you a more than a pleasant customer, she will let you know.

    3. You like her, and maybe she honestly likes you--beyond your being a pleasant customer. Now ask yourself if you could date her if she kept dancing. Don't answer too quickly. Really think this through--it is very important.

    Good luck.

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    Veteran Member datchapin's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    You're a fool who should stop deluding yourself. Wow, it feels great to be appreciated. J/K
    The more I see, the less I know, the more I like to let it go! - RHCP

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    Featured Member Christany's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Quote Originally Posted by Centaur View Post
    I'm sure most of you are smirking about how I obviously got played masterfully and that this is all part of the hustle you pull off dozens of times a night,
    Hopefully I can try to give some insight here.
    You seem like a nice person and from the way you describe her, she sounds like a decent human being too. But if you are genuinely interested in her, as a human being, there seems to be some things that could use a second look. Some of the phrasing that you use implies that your overall impression of dancers (as a whole), is pretty negative. Now, being that she is one, how might this translate into your interactions with her?

    Let's just say that hypothetically, you start to spend time with her. You think you're ok with the dancing. She thinks you're ok with it too. But, as time passes, comments are made; attitudes towards it come to surface. And if the quote above is one of the ideas you hold in your mind about dancers, then most likely that will affect your behavior towards her. If this girl is really awesome and charming, it would be a shame to court her, to just end up passively belittling her, or by the job becoming a point of division.

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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Look, I understand there is manipulation and gaming in the club, which is why I'm not 100% sold on whether this girl really likes me or not, but it seemed genuine enough. If she's not really the girl she seemed when we were just talking about music, life, and joking around, I'd be disappointed but not crushed.

    As for her continuing to dance, that's fine. My ex started dancing after we'd been together for a couple of years and I stuck with her the whole time she was doing it. I used to take her out for food when she got off, then rub her feet when we got home. Nothing wrong with a girl trading on her looks to make a decent living. I'm perfectly ok with being a "stripper bf."

  11. #11
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    I've had customers like you before. I genuinely liked them and I was happy to see them in the club. However, when they worked up the nerve to ask me out, it was always a major disappointment. No matter how well we get along in the club, I simply do not want to see a customer outside the club. It's a boundary violation and it would disrupt my life. I'm already in a relationship that makes me very happy, I'm not looking for another one, and whatever affection I had for the guy just dies when he tries to push my very clearly-established boundaries.

    There was ONE time in three years that I wanted to see a customer outside. I brought the conversation around to where he worked, and when I wanted to see him I went to his workplace. Unfortunately for both of us, he wasn't there, because I had planned on one night of wild no-strings glorious sex, but that's another story. The point I'm trying to make is that if *he* had tried to meet me outside of work, I would've been put off and it never would've happened.

    If she wants to see you, she'll let you know. Believe me, we're good enough at reading men that we know when you want us. If she decides she wants you as well, she'll tell you... if not, just enjoy what you have and don't push it.

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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Ask her! Don't beat around the bush or try to "charm" her into a date. Simply tell her how you feel and request an honest answer. If she indeed is interested she will agree to a date outside the club and then you can be charming.
    Honestly though, you can't be sure that what you saw and what she said was exactly her.. meaning her true personality, so don't be too surprised if your object of desire turns out to be not all that you had hoped for. Good luck in your endeavor though!

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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    ^ um... she will probably lead him on even more if he looks too vulnerable.

    dude, you met her at a stripclub. either let her come to you or just stop going, if it's that hard for you.

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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    OK what makes you think you are the first guy to like her for her personality? Sorry but big deal. Many strippers have fantastic personalities and are women who many men would llike to connect with on a personal level. But you are just another customer who is just money to her.

    I refuse to sit here and tell you what you want to hear because 99.99% of the time that is just not the case. No she does not want to date you, you are just a regular to her. It will piss her off if you start asking her out. I know I get sick of getting asked out everynight at my job.

    Yes there is the most slight, remote possibility that strippers will go home with customers and if you want to keep dishing out the funds in the hope that that will happen then go for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Enjoy the illusion. It's way better than reality.
    Agreed.

    I'm not saying it can't be a story with a happy ending, just that it's certainly not the norm and not something you should actively pursue.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

  16. #16
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Owch! A lot of negativity here. (Ironic coming out of my mouth, huh.)

    You'll be happy if you can mentally be prepared for all outcomes before you open your mouth to her...I as a dancer have had some very disillusioning experiences with girls I work with so don't be surprised if she's not all roses and kittens.

    OTOH, I wouldn't trade some of the memories I have of being with men I would have never met otherwise, had I not been a dancer.

    It's a two-way street- I've been stood up by guys because they assumed I wouldn't keep my word about meeting them...It's their loss! I ended up making other male friends because no one could believe the hot girl at the bar was just stood up by some chucklehead. (Great pickup line- "I just got stood up!" "Who would do that to YOU?...")

    It can happen. Sadly most guys disqualify themselves off the bat by being under-confident or shifty. Don't be one of those!

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    ^^
    you have to admit tho MM that it's more likely that it won't happen.

    Yes I know of girls who have hooked up with guys OTC but these guys are usually pretty awesome and have lots of money.

    Also there is a huge chance that if she is a real hustler she will use his feelings for her to milk every last cent out of his account.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  18. #18
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    You know, I actually had to re-think this a bit.

    She may very well be the cool person you met at work. It is her job to be friendly, personable and fun. It'd be hard to make money if she weren't.

    That's one of the hard things about stripping. If you a good stripper, the guy likes, has a genuinely good time, but then takes it a step farther. Then you have to cool it, or burst his fantasy bubble.

    I agree with most all of the girls here. Don't push it. Enjoy it for what it is and trust that she knows you like her, and if she wants to go out, she'll let you know.
    As soon as you ask her out, it's going to make her uncomfortable, or you will be let down. Then your terrific club experience will go bye bye, and she will lose a customer who was both nice to her and fun to dance for.

    Leave it alone.




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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    Quote Originally Posted by jaizaine View Post

    Also there is a huge chance that if she is a real hustler she will use his feelings for her to milk every last cent out of his account.
    i have a customer right now who confessed his love to me, and i use it to my advantage. he KNOWS i have a bf, and i guess he is "waiting in the wings".

    he lives at home with his parents (he's 26, with a good job). i never intended for it to get as bad as it did...

    he's filed for bankruptcy, so his car will get repoed. he wants that extra money to come see me at work. he is getting a scooter instead?!?!

    and, do i feel guilty? NO. he is choosing this. i'm not begging him to.

    but bottom line, it's my job to hustle, and when i see weakness in someone, i will milk away.


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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    ^^^
    I have a big smile on my face right now
    Does that make me bad? hehe. No sometimes I feel bad for them but then when they ask for OTC it compensates for me feeling bad.

    maybe you could tell him to buy a ride-on mower instead? im just thinking of the stripper hall of shame thread now.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  21. #21
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)


    There's weakness in there, I just KNOW it!




  22. #22
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    ^^

    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  23. #23
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    I can't speak for the girl. We all are, at best, assuming, however I do see the problem and can help.

    Quote Originally Posted by Centaur View Post
    I've noticed from browsing on here that the consensus is that "customers are pathetic and I'd never want to see one outside of work." Well, I admit that lately I am feeling kind of pathetic, too. All my friends have moved away after college so it's just me in town, lonely and still struggling to keep my head above water. I'm socially awkward and I have a hard time meeting people I connect with. I wind up going to this club about once a week just to have someone fun to talk to. That's how I met her.

    Fuck, I'm tearing myself up over this. If anyone has any advice, even if it's just to say "you're a fool who should stop deluding yourself," I would appreciate it.
    If the emboldened is how you truly see yourself, than regardless of her actual interest in you, it will only lead up to the actual amount of time it takes for her to see you that way. You're displaying this, she's seeing it, and regardless of your arrangement, she's still seeing it. Be it stripper, or Jenny from the block.

    You need to get into the process of fixing your self image. Not even FIXING it, just get into the process of doing it. Trust me, it will work wonders. I'm not saying that you need to cut your visits to the SC, but mix them up with something else that you can be in more control of all aspects of. Take mountain climbing, for example, if you mountain climb, you'll start in a beginners area, go to rock gyms, buy the gear, join the online community...before you know it, you'll have some friends in the community, egging you to achieve as you egg them, some will be girls...over time you'll feel the benefits of your work, you'll look better to yourself, you'll get some goals under your belt....shit like that.

    Just keep in mind, how you feel is temporary. Worry about the other things that are worth worrying about and solving, not the impending rejection you fear.

    Otherwise, if it's just HAS to be resolved, then hey, ask her. You'll find out immediately.

    I say enjoy the fantasy and invest your emotions somewhere more productive.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  24. #24
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    I hope this thread doesn't get flamey.

    I'll bow out by saying that it is unfortunately unlikely to have a successful romance with a woman you just saw cavorting naked onstage and gyrating her hoo-haw & wiggling her boobies. Think about it, d00d.

    BUT Lady Luck favors the bold. Just sayin'...

    Edit to add- I did notice the sentences where you admit to feeling down & out & under-confident. That will kill your ability to get a date with any woman, dancer or not.

    Ever wonder why jerks get laid? They can fake coolness long enough to poke the pink pocket.

  25. #25
    God/dess FBR's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm in love with a stripper... (flame shields up)

    What is that expression...twice burned? Or something like that?

    I'd like to hear the scoop on the gf turned stripper turned ex. I don't care about the foot rubbing stories, just the dirt

    FBR
    Once again I have embraced my addiction and have put off the moral dilemma to another day.

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