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Thread: Different paces in life...

  1. #1
    Callyish
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    Default Different paces in life...

    Okay this has been bugging me for awhile now...

    Im fairly happy with where my life is taking me now that i've sorted it out. I have a great guy, I finally have a home, i've settled into my routine for featuring/showgirl work and im starting to save money and im a happy girl. I also think i've lived more life experiences in my 23 years then most people live in a life time and I love it. I have freedom and all that jazz.

    Then I start talking to my friends that I grew up with... they're all married with kids and buying houses and shit like that. These are people my age. Then I start to wonder if im failing at life and it makes me feel like shit.

    Yet go back to Toronto and its not uncommon for people to still be in their late 20's and early 30's and still single renting apts.

    What the hell is up with this? Why is it so different? I mean I grew up in New Brunswick.. a fairly small province, a lot like Maine... I guess its just different paces of life...

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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Quote Originally Posted by Callyish View Post
    .. These are people my age. Then I start to wonder if im failing at life and it makes me feel like shit........

    .......What the hell is up with this? Why is it so different? I mean I grew up in New Brunswick.. a fairly small province, a lot like Maine... I guess its just different paces of life...
    Are you kidding me? Since when does having babies and getting married relate to self worth? Same for having a bunch of money, being single and traveling the world does not equal self worth or by not having those things make you or anyone else a failure. Its just the path they have chosen and for them it is the right one and the one you're on it is also right.

    If you're happy with where you are and feel you're on a good path then no need to compare yourself with others who are on a entirely different path than you. You're an uncaged bird who loves to sing.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  3. #3
    Callyish
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Oh I agree completely TM. Im not saying I don't have self worth but seriously you start to wonder if your doing things wrong when you keep hearing about everyone you grew up with is married with kids and buying houses and all that shit.

    I mean im happy with who I am and what im doing but when you hear about this stuff you can't help but wonder if you traveled down the wrong path ya know?

    I don't regret anything i've ever done in life. I know everything i've done and gone through has built me into the person I am today and im happy with that.

    Its just the whole different paces in life.

    Like in Toronto its so normal to be in your late 20's and single and living it up. Yet in the smaller areas like New Brunswick its expected your married by 25.

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    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Quote Originally Posted by Callyish View Post
    What the hell is up with this? Why is it so different? I mean I grew up in New Brunswick.. a fairly small province, a lot like Maine... I guess its just different paces of life...
    I'm right there with ya. I'm from a small town where peope get married and have kids and are supposedly happy. I'm not even thinking about that right now. I'm 31. I feel little odd when I hear about the folks back home.

    But fortunately I'm in a city where my lifestyle is considered normal. I'd like to own property. Rental property ideally. I'd like to have a "partner in crime" but I'm not sold on marriage right now. Relationship, yes. Legal marriage, I dunno.

    Career, my own happiness and freedom is really important to me. Family is too but - I'm close to my parents and sister plus I love my kitties.

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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Not anymore do I wonder if I'm down the wrong path. I did think not too long ago that not having a bf was a bad thing. I was so wrong. I'm rad with or without someone. I think life carries people in directions like leaves in the wind. Every one has a swift turn of events at any given moment and they are meant to be embraced and to gain knowledge from.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  6. #6
    God/dess ahmeerah's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Well put Tigersmilk!

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    Not anymore do I wonder if I'm down the wrong path. I did think not too long ago that not having a bf was a bad thing. I was so wrong. I'm rad with or without someone. I think life carries people in directions like leaves in the wind. Every one has a swift turn of events at any given moment and they are meant to be embraced and to gain knowledge from.

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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Quote Originally Posted by Callyish View Post
    Like in Toronto its so normal to be in your late 20's and single and living it up. Yet in the smaller areas like New Brunswick its expected your married by 25.
    ....sigh....

    Cally, I think the question is, do you want to live your life the way it is expected from others (New Brunswick(ians?))... Or do you want to live your life, I assume the latter....

    I think some of it just has to due with the culture of the population, I mean here there used to be allot of getting marrried at 18-22 and pumping out kids, but, thats becuase this was/is a large catholic area. However, times have changed and that is not longer the norm.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Not a failure at life! That is the path those people took. Perhaps they found a good partner, or have simple tastes. Or someone got knocked up.

    This generation is reinventing itself. We don't have to do anything we don't want to do. There is no need for a man to depend on. We have our own social circles, interests, and money.

    Pay no mind to what others are doing. I know several people like myself, who, at 30, are happily free. Nothing wrong with having a family, its just not for me. And I no longer have any shame in knowing that.

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    getting married, buying houses, and having kids is for about 28 and older. 23 is for having fun. You're fine, enjoy your life, there's time for houses and kids in about 5-10 years.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    You also have to consider that half of those people will be divorced in five years and may or may not be able to keep the house. Sad but true. Who among us are ready for marriage and family at that age. Very few.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    You also have to consider that half of those people will be divorced in five years and may or may not be able to keep the house. Sad but true. Who among us are ready for marriage and family at that age. Very few.
    oddly enough, a HS classmate I haven't seen in years, got married quickly cuz everyone around her was, and within just over a year was divorced. But, from a speaking with her, it seems she has matured now, though to go through getting married and divorced seems like a pretty expensive way to learn

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    I feel the same way sometimes...and I'm nearly (whispers) 38...

    I'm the only one in my peer group that is retired, so I guess that is something, right? I know it feels weird to be different than all of your peer group, but just go with it.

    And really, how happy are they? Do you think you would have been happy singing the alphabet song and changing diapers for years on end? I just ask myself those questions, and know that I made the right choice for me.



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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    I can relate to how you feel right now - I know plenty of people who had children and started "settling down" in their early or mid-20's, while I was living it up as a starving artist with a succession of day jobs., constantly moving from state to state. I wasn't sure if I envied these friends or whether I just thought I "should" envy them.

    Maybe it was a little of both, since the grass is always greener, but I can tell you now, some of my friends do feel a little regret about giving up so much of their youth & freedom so early (though the ones that have kids love them, of course). I suspect some of them will be having midlife crises in about 10-15 years, trying to get some of that youthful freedom back. You have so much going for you now - ENJOY IT! You will have chances to do everything you want in the future, but you'll never be 23 again
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Featured Member maximvsv's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Whether or not you're single, or whether or not you have children, is not a "worth" standard. Owning real estate, having employees, amassing piles of cash--those are "worth" standards. And they only matter if that's what you value.

    Now, if you chose to be a housewife, and then didn't have the house or the kids, okay, you could say you were falling behind, because that's the measure of success for those people. A gallery show is the measure of success for a popular artist, and summiting K2 is a measure of success for a mountain climber.

    But if those people aren't what you're looking to be, then don't worry about it.
    ED E’ SUBITO SERA

    Ognuno sta solo sul cuor della terra
    trafitto da un raggio di sole:
    ed è subito sera

    --Salvatore Quasimodo--

    =============================

  15. #15
    Member mushi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    small citied are always like that.... don't start kids and family when you're young have fun!
    | Rent this spot

  16. #16
    Veteran Member lwtex52's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Ish, don't feel bad. I'm 55 and all I've accomplished so far is passing my Driver's License test, graduation from high school (The best seven years of my life), and winning first place in the Skoal International Spitting Contest at Rudolph's Red Neck Bar and Discount House of Worship in Fort Worth.
    My latest conspiracy theory: I am convinced that Dick Cheney is, in reality, Elmer Fudd.

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    Featured Member maximvsv's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    How do you know that yours is a discount house of worship?
    ED E’ SUBITO SERA

    Ognuno sta solo sul cuor della terra
    trafitto da un raggio di sole:
    ed è subito sera

    --Salvatore Quasimodo--

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  18. #18
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Quote Originally Posted by maximvsv View Post
    How do you know that yours is a discount house of worship?
    BOGO on the confessional admission tickets?
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  19. #19
    High_Heel_Lover
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Oh sweety enjoy your life, do things for you. Life is too short to think of so much and seems like you have most of the things you want. Pace yourself, live every day like you love life and things will fall in to place little by little. No rush hon, just enjoy.

    YOu can always mentor a child, big sister or volunteer at a children's place and interact with kids honey.

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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    I feel younger every year as I watched friends have children and such. The idea of having a kid is so outside my reality, I can't even imagine what it would be like.

    I experimented with a serious relationship. Was fun, but ultimately it seems I am meant to be a perpetual bachelor. When she mentioned kids, my response was to get a vasectomy during my lunch hour at work.

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    Veteran Member SnakeBabe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    It can be difficult when all around us are people living what is considered a “Normal” life. I simply look at it as if “Normal” is the wrong word. Just because the majority lives that lifestyle does not make it normal it makes it “Common”.
    When you call it a “Common’ way of life it never makes me feel like I am missing anything at all. I like being special and “Uncommon”
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  22. #22
    Vivacious
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Get married to the wrong person and whatever problems you had on your own are now doubled.

    I think the better measure of success is are you repeating the same mistakes in life or are you improving with experience. I don't think women should hang on to a guy for years on end hoping he'll marry them, but other than that, if you haven't found the right guy or you're happy where the relationship is, then you're absolutely doing the right thing. And from your description, it sounds like you are!

    I also think the older get, the wiser life partner choices you make. I mean, nobody is perfect, but you're a better judge of your compatibility. So enjoy where you are!

  23. #23
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    If you want to have that in the future(family & kids), well just remember that everyone's timing is different. I know ppl who got married in thier mid 30's, & start having kids at late 30's-40.

    Anyway, my advice is to let things fall into the right place. And try not to put much thought into stuff like that. I sort of felt the same way not so long ago, when I went to my GF's baby shower. And I come to find out that some of the girls I use to party with were already engaged. It made me feel a little crappy too. But i'm a good catch(I think ) so I shouldn't even bother thinking like that. Life is too short. Whatever, i'm happy for them bc they're all happy.

    Enjoy the present, do what you want to do now and make yourself happy.

  24. #24
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    Um, I would say it's because you know them that it seems that way. You are a mere infant Cally. You would be quite young to get married. What they have is progress that is traditionally measured. And that's nice. But that is why it is hard to contrast yourself against that when you aren't progressing the same way (or in my case, like, at all). But it is vaguely equivalent to feeling like someone is a better person than you because they make more money. Money is an easy measure of personal accomplishment, but there are all sorts of people - hopefully most people - who use a scale entirely personal to them and completely unrelated.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Different paces in life...

    This post reminded me of this song:


    I took her out it was a Friday night
    I wore cologne to get the feeling right
    We started making out and she took off my pants
    But then I turned on the TV

    And that's about the time that she walked away from me
    Nobody likes you when you're 23
    And are still more amused by TV shows
    What the hell is ADD?
    My friends say I should act my age
    What's my age again?
    What's my age again?

    Then later on, on the drive home
    I called her mom from a pay phone
    I said I was the cops
    And your husband's in jail
    This state looks down on sodomy

    And that's about the time that bitch hung up on me
    Nobody likes you when your 23
    And are still more amused by prank phone calls
    What the hell is caller ID?
    My friends say I should act my age
    What's my age again?
    what's my age again?

    And that's about the time she walked away from me
    Nobody likes you when your 23
    And you still act like you're in Freshman year
    What the hell is wrong with me?
    My friends say I should act my age
    What's my age again?

    That's about the time that she broke up with me
    No one should take themselves so seriously
    With many years ahead to fall in line
    Why would you wish that on me?
    I never want to act my age
    What's my age again?
    what's my age again?
    What's my age again

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