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Thread: How should I handle this?

  1. #1
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Angry How should I handle this?

    OK. So at my new club, there's a nice dancer who has been occassionally giving me rides home. We sometimes go out for coffee with another dancer, or hte club waitress. Its a nice favor, saves on cab fare ,and good relaxation time.

    However, tonight, there's a group of two guys who are hitting on both of us. One is talking about how he'd "totally date me". I've said my goodbyes, gottendressed, and then i go with her and she says "OH! Those two guys are meeting us at the resturant!" when I'm in the car.

    I DONT want to take that relationship OTC. THey weren't spending heaps, i'm not being compensated for the time-it literally IS just because she thought one was cute, and she's on the prowl for a boyfriend(htough she said she doesnt want one from the club last week)

    So I end up in mynormal clothes, sitting, and barely talking, because i'm NOT comfortable meeting htese guys OTC, and I'm a little peeved that I didn't even have a CHOICE in it-since she didn't tell me till AFTER we were on the road.

    Am I just being too sensitive?

    I didnt give away any personal info on myself, or do ANYTHING that would get me in trouble, but I'm still a bit unhappy.

    Not to mention that when I was talking to her abotu why I wasnt comfy meeting them, particularly with the one guy being QUITE attracted to me, she said "Well WOULD you date him?"
    Number one. He's from teh club.
    Number two. He is attracted to bright outgoing Aria. Not antisocial ME. How is that a good basis for a relationship?
    Number three. I'm not LOOKING for a boyfriend.
    Number four. He's attracted to glamorous, clever Aria, not sarcastic ME. How is that a good basis for a relationship?!
    Anyways, I told her I wasnt comfy with meeting customers OTC.

    i'm worried, since she says that she's seen them in the club BEFORE.... How will I say no when he comes in next time and wants to meet us after work again? She's set a precedent for us... and while i dont care if SHE is making friends at work, I know that IIIIII have no intention of it, and its removed even the possibility of my keeping him on for a few dances, since I WILL have to say "No. Last time wasnt my choice. Your nice, but only ITC"

    How should I handle this with her, as she's the ONLY dancer who can help take me home, and it DOES save me a lot of money? How should I handle this with HIM with a minimum of drama and hurt feelings?

  2. #2
    God/dess Susan-Va's Avatar
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    Default Re: How should I handle this?

    If she wants to meet them again, tell her that you'll just get a cab home. If you're not comfortable with hanging out OTC it's worth it to spend the $ on a cab, never put yourself in an uncomfortable position. Let her know how you feel about this.

    As for the guy, you cold tell him that if only you'd met OTC that maybe you'd have gone out with him but that you never see anyone you meet ITC, no exceptions.

    And I don't think you're being to sensitive at all.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member Habinairo's Avatar
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    Default Re: How should I handle this?

    ^^^ Exactly, I wouldn't be happy with it at all, Hell, I feel weird when guys see me out the club in my normal clothes going to my car. I would have been the same way. You have your boundaries, don't cross them, that's the smart way to be.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: How should I handle this?

    That's the problem with hanging out with other dancers. She should have seen if it was OK with you. I feel the same way -- I am not gonna sit around entertaining strangers on my off time. Unless I decide those people are so cool I want to hang out with them, I would be peeved at getting off work tired and hungry and having to spend the next hour hanging around anyone but other strippers.

    Anyhow, just tell her "Man, I hate hanging out with guys I met here! Can you do me a favor? If you're giving me a ride and you want to hang out with someone from the club, let me know so I can catch a cab." I also totally would have called a cab from the restaurant.

  5. #5
    Veteran Member hearts's Avatar
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    Default Re: How should I handle this?

    In this situation, I wouldn't care if I came off as unfriendly to the dancer or this guy. Do yourself a favor and make yourself CRYTAL CLEAR about what you are comfortable with it. If anyone pesters you about it, just say "Deal with it" and walk away. You'll save yourself a huge headache in the long run.

  6. #6
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: How should I handle this?

    Yeah make it clear that this was NOT ok with you. THat she needs to tell you ahead of time if she invites other along./..what if this guy had done something to piss you off? And now you have to be subjected to him outside of work too? HELL no.

    When I used to go out of town with friends we'd go to breakfast after work a lot. It was a SMALL town,so we would often see custies there anyway...but if either of us met someone in the club that we wanted to invite to breakfast..it got cleared with the other one FIRST. Before the invitation was extended. Ususally we were fine with it(because we knew if the guy was cool with one of us..he would likely be cool with the other)..but sometimes you just arent in the mood to solcialize anymore after the night is done.

    Its just simple manners.

  7. #7
    Featured Member needtodance's Avatar
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    Default Re: How should I handle this?

    I let her know I wasnt comfy... So I guess next step would be, next time i see her, to say "if you're giving me a ride, and meeting any customers, let me know so i can catch a cab"

    And the reason I didnt get a cab from the resturant, is because its actually FURTHER a way from home, and the cab would have been nearly twice as much. And I didn't really make enough to be comfy spending that on it... Its been a bad week, moneywise, and that 25$ is a HUGE deal for my finances at the moment.

    But yeah, I wouldnt have thought she would do that without CLEARING it with me! Or at LEAST telling me at the club, so i'dhave the OPTION of opting out. I was SO tempted to just say "get me when your leaving" and sit in the bathroom until she was done with them. Ugh.

    THat DEFINATLY violated my boundaries.

  8. #8
    Senior Member tinydancer85's Avatar
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    Default Re: How should I handle this?

    Spend the extra money for a cab, then you know your getting home safe and you don't have to worry about "detours" on the way home...

    OR/

    Befriend a different girl who you can car-pool with who will take you straight home...

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