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Thread: i just relapsed

  1. #1
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default i just relapsed

    I just relapsed and binged and purged. I am so disappointed in myself.

    I have been doing so well lately. I have been seeing a personal trainer and eating healthy and i thought i had put my bulimia behind me.

    I dont even know what triggered it. My bf is in bed and i am not tired so i got up and was just on SW and before i knew it i had eaten a whole box of biscuits and also some cheese and i panicked and went and made myself sick.

    I am determined not to go back to that though. I dont want to start doing that all the time again, it ruins my life.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  2. #2
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    don't beat yourself up over it, just make sure you do better later....

    focusing on the issue just makes it look way worse.


  3. #3
    cameron_keys
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Take a deep beath..it was just once. Nobody is perfect. Now you can move on from here. Its one day at a time sweetie...always one day at a time.

    I understand. I did it last week. Ate a big bowl of pasta and then puked it up. But I havent done it again since then. It was just one day.

  4. #4
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    thanks ladies i appreciate it!!



    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  5. #5
    zxcire
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    I have had many relapses into my ED since I began recovering.

    It sounds like by fessing up to it you have made the first step in breaking the cycle.

    By realizing that it was a mistake and you don't want to go down that road again you are a step ahead of someone who relapses and pretends it didn't happen. Just think of this as a reminder of what you don't want. Get back on track and stay healthy!

    This also might be a good time to stop and look at your life, to see if you can think of anything that has changed and might trigger a slip. I don't think you relapsed. I think you slipped, and it happens to the best of us and I think you can overcome it.

    Good luck to you sweety.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    It is all in the process of recovery.(been there) Realise that you can only move on from here and stop trying to make everything you do perfect.

    Perfectionism is how most most girls get in the cycle of an ed to begin with.

    hugs to you and a HUGE CONGRATS for having the strength.

  7. #7
    God/dess
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Oh, hon. We're here for you. I'm glad you're determned not to go back.

  8. #8
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Oh sweetie... I'm so sorry... You must feel so disappointed in yourself- what an awful, sinking feeling- i've been there, too, when I was doing better in the past... I agree w/ the idea that perfectionism is pretty impossible to attain.... Having realistic expectations about recovery may be better. Something that ran your life for so long is a very hard bond to break... I'm so proud that you've done as well as you have!!! So you binged and purged... big deal... you'll get back on track and move forward- you're human and still on the road to recovery, which has many twists, bumps, and detours. Don't expect black/white either/or... just be proud of yourself for how far you've come and strive to be there again. I believe in you.... I actually think about you a lot, because you are one of the only bulimics I know who has gotten this far in recovery. Most all the others have kinda fishtailed around and gone back to the disease. (not to put ya on a pedestal or anything....) most of the women I've seen who've made "full recoveries" were anorexic. You're my inspiration! Even with a slip-up... big deal. You're human. I <3 you and appreciate your struggle... you go girl!

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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    I really feel for you. Just try to bear in mind that the fact that this was a slip up rather than a regular occurrence is evidence of how far you've come already. Be proud. I assure you that it is possible to get free of bulimia and that I wish you all the best.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member beautiful.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Hang in there BA buddy Don't beat yourself up over it, like everybody else said.. Just focus on staying healthy! We're here for you.

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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    its not a relapse if it was just one time. thank you for having the strength to post this!
    *good wishes*

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    Featured Member flickad's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    If it's just the once, that's a slip rather than a relapse. Don't be hard on yourself about it- that's the best way to ensure it rebounds and actually does become a relapse. Instead, be kind. Tell yourself it's okay, when you're calmer maybe look at the reasons why you might have felt, at that moment, that you needed to binge and purge. Eat something the very next time you get hungry (and stop at satisfaction).
    Last edited by flickad; 10-02-2007 at 05:27 PM.

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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    I agree that it is not a relapse. A relapse happens if you let it happen again on a continual basis.

    When i was coming to the end of my bulimia, i would do this and eventually i said to myself no matter what that i would hold the food in. I would make myself fall asleep so when i woke up most of the food would be digested. I know it sounds crazy but after i ate so much like that i was tired anyway and it was like i was teaching myself a lesson for being out of control with binging.

    Not that this will work with you but it is a thought.

    I have to add one last thing. When you binge, you retain a lot of those calories, whether you throw up 15 minutes or 45 minutes later. You might as well eat healthy. Sometimes i will make sure to eat my veggies first, so i wont fill up on the really bad parts of my meal.
    Like if i sit down with a couple of cookies, i make sure to have an orange and grapes or something. That has always helped me.

    It has been over a year since i have had a binge purge cycle. I am the same weight i was before and i am more toned. I don't get colds much anymore and my immune system is now top shelf. I can sit through my classes and concentrate and my hair is much healthier.

    I have been in recovery for about 3 1/2 years and purge free for over a year. I have binged a little but nothing i have thrown up.

  14. #14
    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    *hugs*



  15. #15
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Like they say in many rehabs and support groups:

    ONE DAY AT A TIME.

    You can't change the past; what's done is done. What's important is you caught yourself turning onto the wrong path. You'll make it.

  16. #16
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    Oh sweetie... I'm so sorry... You must feel so disappointed in yourself- what an awful, sinking feeling- i've been there, too, when I was doing better in the past... I agree w/ the idea that perfectionism is pretty impossible to attain.... Having realistic expectations about recovery may be better. Something that ran your life for so long is a very hard bond to break... I'm so proud that you've done as well as you have!!! So you binged and purged... big deal... you'll get back on track and move forward- you're human and still on the road to recovery, which has many twists, bumps, and detours. Don't expect black/white either/or... just be proud of yourself for how far you've come and strive to be there again. I believe in you.... I actually think about you a lot, because you are one of the only bulimics I know who has gotten this far in recovery. Most all the others have kinda fishtailed around and gone back to the disease. (not to put ya on a pedestal or anything....) most of the women I've seen who've made "full recoveries" were anorexic. You're my inspiration! Even with a slip-up... big deal. You're human. I <3 you and appreciate your struggle... you go girl!
    This made my eyes tear up you're an absolute sweetheart I love u too xoxo

    Thank you to everyone who posted. I really feel that I have a lot of support thanks to SW. I dont talk to anyone about my ED so SW is my support system.

    Hugs to you all. I do agree now that it was a slip-up and that makes me feel less guilty.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

  17. #17
    Featured Member iambonbon05's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    I agree, it's a slip hon. I know how horribly tempting it can be and somewhere along the way, slips will happen. Pick up and try again. No matter what, if you're doing it less it's a huge improvement. *hug*
    Order Avon through my website!


    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    (Being Catholic never truly leaves you. It's a lifelong disease.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Hey, lapdances cost at LEAST 5 chickens. If you be offering them for one chicken, you be lowballin' girl.

  18. #18
    Senior Member SummerRaen's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Think of it as "I only did it once since recovery" instead of "I screwed up and have to start all over!" It's okay. Just be reeeally careful not to do it in the future- remember, recovering is about breaking the cycle. If you slip up and binge, don't purge. Therefore you're not finishing the cycle so at least you're *halfway* there! Getting over an ED is something that takes A LOT of time and learning, and slipping up once is definitely forgiveable. I believe in you <3
    At some point, most women (hopefully) realize that "the number" doesn't matter one iota and the notion of "slut" is just socially-generated bullshit meant to keep us "in our place". I will fuck who I please when I please and I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks about it.
    -Bridgette


    Courage isn't not being afraid, it's being afraid and doing it anyway.

  19. #19
    Featured Member iambonbon05's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    BTW this is something that helps me. I have issues with bingeing and restricting and I haven't purged by puking but fight the temptation almost daily and looking at this always stops me. *WARNING-GRAPHIC*

    http://www.geocities.com/edpetition/EDs_DO_kill.html
    Order Avon through my website!


    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    (Being Catholic never truly leaves you. It's a lifelong disease.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Hey, lapdances cost at LEAST 5 chickens. If you be offering them for one chicken, you be lowballin' girl.

  20. #20
    God/dess Embyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    ^^^ jesus christ. that just made me cry. i think i needed to see that. i wish they didn't make it so impersonal, though...

    the fucked thing is she looks exactly like me (minus post-death stuff) from that position... sad, scary.... i dunno how i feel..

  21. #21
    Featured Member iambonbon05's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    ^ It made me cry too. The first time I saw it I was the same age as her.
    Order Avon through my website!


    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    (Being Catholic never truly leaves you. It's a lifelong disease.)
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    Hey, lapdances cost at LEAST 5 chickens. If you be offering them for one chicken, you be lowballin' girl.

  22. #22
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Quote Originally Posted by iambonbon05 View Post
    ^ It made me cry too. The first time I saw it I was the same age as her.

    omg. I am speechless.

  23. #23
    Veteran Member Kitsune83's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    That's depressing.....I knew a girl who died in much the same way.....except she bled to death from a mallory-weiss tear (esophagus)......

    It's scary.....I'm right in the middle of a mother of a relapse....and it's just plain scary....I don't want to die from this disease.

    OP: You simply made a mistake, recovery is rife with them. Try not to beat yourself up over it, sounds like up until that point, you've been doing great! Good for you! It's a nasty, mean disease, and you're making strides against it. I only hope to follow in your steps soon.

  24. #24
    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    Don't beat yourself up over a slip. Move past it. Dwelling on the guilt will only increase your chances of a major relapse. This is why we are told that recovery is a lifelong process and you are never "cured."

    Do something that makes you feel happy and beautiful. It always helps. And don't forget to ask for a hug when you need it.

  25. #25
    Member pseudomonas's Avatar
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    Default Re: i just relapsed

    i understand how you feel completely... i've been fighting bulimia since i was 12/13... among other things... its such a bitch. its so easy to slip. i haven't thrown up in... sadly i guess its just maybe a week. if that.

    i have a site dedicated to eating disorders and other mental "things"... if you need to vent or talk pm me, i know a great site that deals with eating issues and other shit like that <3


    -darcy-

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