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Thread: Weird coincidences with my ex...

  1. #1
    spooky_zombie
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    Default Weird coincidences with my ex...

    About 4-5 years ago I dated this guy... when we met, that thing from movies where you see someone in a crowd and everyone blurs out but them and it's kinda slow motion... that happened. We broke up a few times, and the final time, I got with someone else. I ended up falling in love with and marrying this other guy.

    It's weird though... I see the first guy about once a year around the time we broke up last, always by coincidence. This year I missed seeing him by a couple of weeks, but he did show up yesterday. I had been trying to get a hold of him for about a week, and I never did. He drove up by me while I was on a 10 minute walk... turns out his parents live near me. He came over and we talked for a long time.

    He's only been with one girl since we broke up, and only for about 8 months. He has no job. I think he might be a junkie. He kept telling me he felt weird... he said kinda like nervous but he couldn't explain. Then he was finally like, "I just realized... I feel happy." Apparently he has been somewhat emotionless since we broke up. And I have had awful depression. And I feel weird around him too... everything involving him has been really ironic in some way.

    I love my husband, and I'd never leave him, but I think that me and this other guy are meant to be at least friends. It almost feels like I knew him in a past life... and I'm not even completely sure I believe in those. Sometimes I think that maybe he was actually my soulmate, but I married someone else, and that's ok because fate allows us choices... I don't know. I've never had an orgasm either... maybe that's fate's punishment to me, lol? Just something strange.

    Sorry that was so long... opinions?

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...



    Don't be friends with him. It doesn't sound good.

    "People come into our lives for a reason and a season..." Is the easiest way to describe what we can learn from people, and whether we should value their contributions to our lives.

    Keep in mind addicts get good at saying what people want to hear to get what they need out of others.... It's been said by formerly addicted people that the experience hurt them not only in the predictable ways, but they saw "what they were capable of.."

    You'll understand this better with time..when I was your age I was all about giving people second chances and forgiveness and change...But then I got to learn the underside of all that...Sometimes the cost comes out of your ass. I can't put in any other way.

    Let him figure out things for himself.

    PS Don't worry you'll have orgasms. Most women don't normalize sexually until they approach their sexual peak in life.

  3. #3
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    Sometimes we find what we seek out...

  4. #4
    God/dess Lexi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    Quote Originally Posted by greenidlady1 View Post
    Sometimes we find what we seek out...

    Um. This post gave me goosebumps
    eek

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    I really have to re-iterate what I said...

    I PM-ed you because I don't want to post more about it but you need to think about more than yourself here.

  6. #6
    spooky_zombie
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    He had no idea where I lived until he happened to be driving by me the other day. And I never see him at the same place every year, just the same time. I was really young to be married at the time... I mean what if... that was a mistake?

    To be honest, I have talked to him a lot in the past couple of days, and I'm not sure I'm where I'm supposed to be in life. When I am around him, I feel the greatest happiness and the worst pain at the same time. And when I see him my insides drop to my toes. When he saw me walking down the road, he had turned around before he realized what he was even doing... and I'd probably do the same. And it kills me not to be around him ever.

    I guess it's pretty obvious now how I feel about him and he feels about me. But I would never cheat on my husband, and I would rather have the other guy as my best friend than not have him in my life at all...

    And I do truly love my husband. We definately don't have the weird ironic feeling that me and this other guy have always had... but I do love him, and this is such a whacked up situation.

    Oh, also... I don't have very much sex anymore because the idea of being touched anywhere sexual has freaked me out for about a year on and off. Nothing bad happened to me or anything, it just started suddenly.

    Man... I think I need to see a therapist.

  7. #7
    spooky_zombie
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    And I always think about more than myself, or I wouldn't be in this situation at all... I probably don't think about myself enough. Or I think about myself but don't ever do anything for me...

    I can't even think at all. My emotions are just sort of spewing out. This situation is making me crazier than I already am. =/

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    I agree that you should see a therapist, it will really help you out.

    If you value your relationship with your husband I would cut ties immediately, this is not going anywhere good. If you are comfortable with the idea of leaving your husband at a later date, then by all means keep talking to him...

    Something you said about "When I am around him, I feel the greatest happiness and the worst pain at the same time" really struck me. I have studied relationship styles in the past and this rings out as a perfect example.
    Relationship styles are generally kept constant through the life of the committment, and two of the most prevalent ones can be described as 1. Stable and 2. Passionate.
    Without knowing any other information, it sounds as if your relationship with your husband could be classified as stable. It is likely to be a safe and healthy relationship, but can be 'boring' because it stays at a flat rate most of the time. Minimal big fights, violence, anger, but also not very a whole lot of great lust, wonder and excitement either.
    You say you broke up with your ex several times. This is standard of the passionate relationship. There is passionate love, lust, intimacy, whirlwind spontaneity, but there is also bitter fights, jealousy, anger, resentment, revenge. Ultimately not very healthy, but very exciting. These relationships almost never turn into stability, and can be harmful for children of such parents.

    If you are the kind of person that desires a lot of drama in your life, then keep talking to your ex. If you are the kind of person that finds satisfaction in having your bills paid and your needs constantly met, I would advise to stay away.
    I don't think you will be able to control your attraction to him on a just friends basis.

  9. #9
    spooky_zombie
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    Well... my relationship with my husband is far from stable. We do fight quite a bit, and he never hits me or anything, but sometimes it's pretty bad. And as far as paying the bills, that does happen, but barely. He skipped his last week of courses in his first semester of college and so he failed them all. He tells me little lies all the time that he insists are or my own good. And our sex life used to be awesome, but now I barely let him touch me...

    The reason my relationship with the other guy was on and off before was because we were very young. I have a theory that 17 is possibly the worst age for a girl to be. It was like that with all the serious boyfriends I had in highschool. But we have both matured a lot, and I can see how the difference in me from then would fix a lot. But mostly the ruiner of that relationship was my parents... they hardly let me see him because of how he looked.

    Also, my husband is considered a lot more attractive by most people than the other guy, but somehow I can never see him (the other guy) as anything but beautiful.

    Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck because I got married so young and I have a toddler. I should have waited until I matured more to decide what I want in life and who I want to be with. But now I'm still in love with the other guy and I am also very devoted to my husband. My heart is really torn in two directions, but I don't feel like I have a choice in the matter. I can't lie, and breaking my wedding vows would be lying... ugh... and I don't even know if I want to... man my brain is so fucked up!!!

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Weird coincidences with my ex...

    I feel that your life could go in directions better suited for you, but you can't trust a man to help you get there....

    I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I do beg you to understand the youthful idealism that makes being young so exciting and fun can blind someone to variables in a situation that spell disaster.

    Romantic love is great, but it doesn't pay the bills and it doesn't last forever. I'm not sure your connectedness with this ex will be enough to make him go in the right direction. I wish it were that easy to help people!

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