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Thread: question for you (opposite sex)

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    Default question for you (opposite sex)

    hey peoples
    question for you all

    so, i met this girl about 8 months ago, and we chatted here and there, and have started seeing eachother for a little over a month now.
    we are both heads over heals for eachother, and all that good stuff


    now, the majority of her friends are male (which is fine), and they are mostly the kind of guys that normal women don't get attracted to. meaning theyre kind of the poser type, i drive my mom and dads benz to look cool kind of guys.

    now, some of MY friends know her, and they all have said nothing but good things about her... and they say you can judge a person by their friends.. well this is not the case, because she is a really awesome person, and very intellectual, and not shallow at all, yet her friends are completely useless as human beings.

    we had a conversation one night, and she agreed that, if given the opportunities, her male "friends" would hit on her, and some have.. and she obviously turned them down.

    my question to you all is, how can a woman be so oblivious to the fact that these "friends" are only there, hoping for an opportunity to get with her. she hasnt really hung out with her friends much this month that we've been together, because we spend all our available time together, except one instance that she hung out with these two idiots, one of which is her best male buddy..

    like i said, i trust her, and she always invites me to go out with them, but i have been declining because i know who these people are, we have nothing in common, and i dont want to be around someone who has (in my strong opinion) alterior motives for my gf.

    is there any advice you can give me as far as handling this ? and kind of getting her to see reality ? or will everything works its way out over time ?



    edit: im not a "controlling" person when it comes to relationships, and im not interested in changing a person, but i want both aprties to kind of adapt and learn from eachother, and also have a certain level of respect and consideration of eachothers feelings.
    im a little older than her, and i have several female friends, yet i respect her enough to not hang out with them, because i know for a fact that they only "hang out" with me for hooking up purposes. with the exception of maybe one girl..
    Last edited by SteveK; 10-04-2007 at 09:01 AM.

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    God/dess SundayMorning's Avatar
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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    Getting between a girl and her friends is pretty much never a good idea. Doesn't matter how useless and self-serving they are. As long as they aren't directly harming her (and possibly not even then), you will be seen as the outsider trying to make her choose between her established system and you. And you don't win that sort of encounter.

    Seriously, if she's a smartie, she'll figure it out. She must be getting something she needs from them. If and when she stops getting it or stops needing it, she'll break it off on her own.


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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    Well don't try to impose your will on her by trying to convince her that she has shitty friends. That will just make her defensive and may actually even make an opening for one of those guys to swoop her up when she is pissed off at you.

    Besides, most pretty girls with guy friends know that deep down most of her friends would get with her if they had the chance. It just comes with the territory I guess. It doesn't mean they can't be friends. Who knows? Maybe these guys aren't as terrible as you think as posers, and they might have a little personality to 'em after you chip away all the crap.

    It would also be in your best interest to go with her at least some of the time when she invites you out with them. Once again, you don't want to get her defenses up about why you never hang out with her friends (another opportunity for one of these guys to provide some "comfort").

    Just my $0.02
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    Veteran Member LadySoft's Avatar
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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    Not to sound really crude, but I think when a guy bothers about little things like that, its just his insecurities coming out.

    I have more guy friends than I have girl friends. Most of which are extremely nice and respectful, yet are attracted to me. I know they like me and if i were to give it up to them, they'd take it in a heart beat. Infact there was this one good friend of mine, unfortuantely we lost touch, always been attracted to me from the get-go and just waiting for the day i'm gonna give it up to him. But that doesn't bother me cuz I tell them they aren't getting it, because I don't fuck guy friends and i have boundaries. Its not disrespectful for a male to be sexually attracted to the female. Put a pussy in front of a man and see if he won't go for it. Pussy is pussy and dick will always be attracted to pussy, thats the way it is. This is why strip clubs were invented at the first place; to satisfy man's sexual instincts. All that sexual energy has to be worked out somehow.

    Of course her guy friends would wanna hit it if they were given the opportunity. They are GUYS for chrissake, but i'm sure she knows her boundaries and the fact that you 2 are into each other, goes to show that what everybody has to say against you 2 being together is pure bullshit. people get jealous when they see 2 people happy. they'd say anything just to break that happiness because they don't have it. Don't pay them any mind. Just trust in what you have with her and you'll be fine. And don't try to tell her to quit her friends, because 1) they were there b4 you and 2) thats only gonna show how insecure and jealous you are.
    Last edited by LadySoft; 10-04-2007 at 04:43 PM.

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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    Dump her ass.

    Chick with mostly male friends = biggest red flag on earth second only to an "I have an incurable STD" t-shirt.

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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    So what if she knows that most of her friends would sleep with her if given the opportunity. That does not mean that she should not be friends with them.

    I have had plenty of male friends who were like that.

    You sound jealous, insecure and controlling despite what you claim in your post.

    I have also had many EX boyfriends who tried to tell me who I could and couldn't be friends with.
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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    Here is my story. Its not either sad, nor a reason to set off "red flags."

    I had mostly male friends for a few years, around age 18-22. I had stopped talking to my two closes female friends because they were mean, evil twats. So I was a little hurt by friendships with females, as they were quite abusive to me. And this was before I grew a pair, so I took it like a little bitch.

    At the time I had a few casual, nerdy male friends who lived in the college dorms with me. And I really had no one else in Austin, sadly. I hadn't lived here that long and wasn't making friends in school for some reason.

    So, we all got very close. One was very much in love with me, and I knew it, but wanted his friendship and attention, so I kept him around.

    Eventually I got more comfortable with other females again, and decreased my malefriend ratio. Because, like its been said above, most male "friends" are really just waiting in the wings for their turn, and have no game to have already done something.

    Also, I worked in the IT industry for some years, which was male-dominated. We would hang out socially, happy hour and such. Does she work in an industry with lots of males?

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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    and lets not forget male friends who we have fucked. so we have got that out the way and then you can be platonic friends. believe me on that one coz i have a freind going on 10 years, we had sex a couple of times when we first met now 10 yrs later we are the best of friends.
    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    when regulars turn cheap, it's time to kill em off.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lysondra View Post
    You're still a vagina.
    There are many stereotypes about the industry that I work in. Sometimes they can be true but human beings are very diverse creatures and cannot be pigeon-holed into one category.

    Some of the most effortlessly beautiful, kind, intelligent, successful, motivated, driven and ridiculously hilarious women that I have ever met have been dancers. I've met the best friends that I've ever had in this industry.

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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    katrine
    no she doesn't
    but what you said makes a lot of sense. she always invites me to go out with her and them, and every time, except once, she chose to do what i wanted to do , rather than see her friends.

    i guess i was being irrational. and i will def take a step back because this isnt healthy..

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    Default Re: question for you (opposite sex)

    jaizanine
    she has not fucked any of them

    she only made out with one kid, before we started going out, that she knew for several years, but said there is nothing there.

    so i will relax
    take it a day at a time, and enjoy her company

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