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Thread: tips on being a little more open

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    tips on being a little more open

    i am naturally a shy person and when i go to the SC when girls come and talk(slow nights usually) i feel like a dick because i have always been one that doesn't talk alot. is there any tips yall have for me to open up some? thanks alot

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    God/dess lestat1's Avatar
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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    Oh God have I read way too much on this. In the end, I'm only interested in the advice of shy people who have overcome it, and among them, there is a fairly strong consensus.

    Start being more open and friendly with everyone and start small. Not ready to say hello yet to a cashier? Try to make brief eye contact with everyone. The people in the elevator, cashiers, coworkers, anyone you encounter in a more than 'walking by' situation. A quick look, a nod, anything. From there you can attempt a smile on occasion, even work your way up to a hello. You don't have to push yourself into horribly uncomfortable situations, but you do have to push yourself to try, no matter how little of a step outside of your comfort zone it is. It will take time, depending on how shy you are. Once you're comfortable with "hello," you can make a comment about something. An interesting nail polish on the Dunkin' Donuts girl who sells you your morning coffee? Casually say so. A security guard watching a game? Ask for the score. Over time it becomes more natural and less of something that you have to work at. I've gone from painfully, horribly shy, to just shy. Progress! Today I even managed to joke and flirt with the nice girls who make my salad at the place I always go to. It works, but it's a slow process.
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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    I actually find it very easy to talk to the girls at the strip club knowing that, in the greater scheme of things, it doesn't matter what she thinks of me (and vice versa). You're talking to someone you're not likely to ever see outside the club.

    Yes, people are bound to make judgments about others... it's human nature. However, the only people you need to be concerned with are your family, friends and peers, not to mention yourself. Throw caution to the wind. Open up and live in the moment. You'll find greater enjoyment when you do.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    well i ain't really that bad. i can usually get past the hello but somewhere in the conversation i think to myself what the hell am i saying... i guess i just over analyze it or something. and sometimes i can just be speechless.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    Sounds like the "awkward silence" you're trying to avoid. More often than not, a dancer will be willing take the lead in a conversation if the guy does not. Just get in the habit of expanding on your answers. Don't kill a conversation with short yes/no type answers. Most girls are good at finding a topic of conversation that's in your comfort zone if you give them a half decent shot at it.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    Where are you from?

    Just don't ask - well how did you get here? Okay dork, I drove my car.

    What's your fav subject to discuss? Cars, guns, horses, cats? Everybody loves to talk about themselves, even strippers

    Find some common ground - and your good.

    Most pretty people ( if they are worth a grain of salt ) do not realize the effect they have on others. At least I don't. Yes, she's hot and your drooling, most of us don't realize that and think there's something wrong with you.

    I've made some of my best male friends in the SC when they got the point that they knew I have big boobs and blond hair and I have a fairly well put together figure and it effected them - but they never let me know that it did.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    GT: I'm actually in the same boat. Although I have a good days and bad days.

    I don't talk very much in SC nor in life. Keep in mind the dancers are paid to listen or make small talk with you and will usually try to take the lead. Just enjoy yourself and let her take the lead.

    In fact there are times when my ATF and I will just sit and chill and listen to the music for a few minutes. We don't even need to talk because she knows I'm not much of a talker.

    Lestat's comment about the servers at his lunch place is really interesting. In fact I had a similar experience at lunch last week. I go to Pasta Pomodoro (I know lousy Italian food) for lunch like once a week and usually sit at the bar since I go alone. Well they have one hottie who serves and also works as a manager once in awhile and she was kind of taking care of the counter since the Take out (responsible for serving customers at the car) girl was new. I actually got up the nerve to tell the new Take Out girl that "I don't know how long you've been working here, but that's the busiest that I've ever seen the Take Out counter." It was a fairly innocous comment, but it started a short conversation.

    Furthermore, I even got the nerve to ask the cutie mgr/server, "when did she get promoted to manager as I'd only seen her serve previously and which she liked better serving or managment." (Although I did cringe immediately realizing ah shit she probably thinks I'm a dickhead totally trying to hit on her at work and I'm probably 20-yrs older than her.) But that led to a short, but friendly conversation too. So I having a really good day that day.

    In fact, I think I'm more inclined to say "hi", smile or make eye contact with strangers now then when I first seriously started going to SCs about 6-7 yrs ago.

    Anyways good luck and enjoy yourself.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    thanks for the tips. i'll try to see if i can improve when i go back.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    I hate talking to customers so I dont think I can offer any advise.

    asking "can i get a dance?" will always be met with a positive reaction from a dancer. Im not into the small talk and esp not into any lengthy conversation.
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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    I think you'll find most dancers will like a guy who can talk to them in a polite, down to earth way.

    If your working environment mainly consists of guys (a) asking you what time you finish work or (b) telling you you've got great tits, meeting someone who can treat you like a normal person always goes down well.

    Most girls will enjoy chatting about 'neutral' topics; music, good places to go on holiday, recent stories in the news, etc. And, because their income depends on making a good impression with customers, given half a chance girls will keep the conversation rolling on.

    Big no no is personal information; start asking about boyfriends, where she lives, where she goes to college, etc, and expect the topic to be changed pretty smartly.

    Just relax, think of a few things to talk about before you go into the club, stay off the no-no topics, and you'll find talking to dancers gets easier and easier.

    Phil.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    music,
    This is probably the easiest because it's right there or the music video that's being played. Just talk about the current song that's playing whether you like or not.

    I always like to mention the time that I got a 3/$100 set and 2 of the songs were oldies:
    Blondie's: The Tide is High and I'm Moving On (not the correct name)
    Some version of "Love is in the Air'.

    I think the DJ was doing retro night.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    My favorite question: "So, what is YOUR fantasy?"

    Whether she tells the truth or makes something up, the answer is always interesting.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    Quote Originally Posted by UtahMike View Post
    My favorite question: "So, what is YOUR fantasy?"

    Whether she tells the truth or makes something up, the answer is always interesting.
    ugg i hate that. none of your business. not to mention i've fulfilled all of mine.

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    I usually have no problem because most of the dancers Ive ever seen have been quite chatty on their own.. A few not so much but by and large most are good at keeping a conversation going - requiring but a few syllables from me!

    Of course Im more of a lets get a dance kinda guy then a lets sit here and talk for an hour fellow... THere are exceptions but in general thats my MO ..

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    thanks for all your help.i'm going back Wednesday and i think i can do better this go around

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    The easiest things for two people to talk about are a.) you and b.) her. So... ask her what she likes to do when she's not working. Then reciprocate. Ask her what her hobbies are or what she's passionate about. Reciprocate. If she's from the area, and if not, what brought her here. Reciprocate. Good movies she's seen lately, books she's read, news-worthy items, etc... She is TRYING to draw you out of your shell, so she's probably going to make it easy for you to talk. just go with the flow, and don't second guess yourself!!

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    Default Re: tips on being a little more open

    my best advice is to explain that you're shy/quiet in a light-hearted way.

    that way she doesn't mistake your quietness for disinterest.

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