Seriously....give me all the reasons you can think of, why I shouldn't start taking E at work again.
I just left a club where getting it was as easy as dancers walking up to me in the DR and offering me some. (That wasn't WHY i left; I left there b/c the club went way downhill and is now all ghetto custies and no money. But I figured, side bonus--if I'm not there, than I won't keep taking E b/c it's always there for the taking.)
But now I want some. But yet I don't. If you know what I mean; if that makes any sense. The only good reason I can think of right now to not do it, is that my money and my hustle went to SHIT after I stopped. It was like once I decided to stop taking it, I forgot about the 2+ years that I successfully hustled and made a lot of $ while clean and sober...now it feels like I can't hustle sober. I'm suddenly hyper-aware of myself at work, tense, I always feel awkward and amateurish, am absolutely reeking of social anxiety, and have no clue what to say or how to approach anyone; my confidence as a dancer is shot.
That was the other reason I went to a new club. New scenery, new custies, new start and I can start over hustling sober and get my magic back.
But now I'm starting to rationalize why I should start rolling at work again: management doesn't really care...one last hurrah won't hurt...it'll help me ease into the new club...I can easily go back to my old club and get some...I've taken it a bunch of times and never had anything bad happen...I always made amazing money while high...I need *something* to get me out of this newfound awkward funk at work...and the strongest rationalizer of all: it feels amazing.
Like I said I don't really want to start that up again...but I do. Convince me not to?
Please? And if you have any ideas for more constructive ways to get around this new socially anxious wallflower "now that I'm sober at work again I've lost my hustle, custies can see right through me, I have no idea what to say and can't even approach people unless they're obviously drooling on themselves over me" thing...I'm all ears.



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poor darlin.





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