First I just want to say hi to everyone on sw since this is my first post.I enjoyed reading everyone's posts and advice to other people but as I scanned the site i haven't been able to come to a decision about my problem. I'll try to make this short even though it's a three year ordeal.
my ex is the jealous type. i met him when i was stripping in WV but he made me feel like a whore about it. i quit shortly after i got with him (i was in love) even though i had enjoyed stripping. (i started to really feel like the names he called me even though i was the prudest girl at the sc.) I broke-up with him after 2 yrs of his bs and moved to WA with my sis. I was desparate for money after a while and so i got a license and got hired at a sc. it was a very bad experience with girls doing extras/having sex in vip. I crossed my line to make money (i was desparate and did a lot of grinding and let a couple guys fondle me) and felt really guilty about it, like i let myself and my ex down (as crazy as that sounds). I know it was stupid but after a week of working there i told him what happened (also stupid) and he made it seem like living with him again would redeem me and that my sis was only using me for money. So i moved back with him. But after 2 months I moved in with my mom again b/c he accused me of cheating on him for the thousandeth time. I really want to go back to stripping at my home sc, and i could really use the money so i can go to school next year, but i'm all fucked-up now with how i think about myself afterwards. Just can't get over it. It's like his voice is in the back of my head saying "cheater," "only whores do that," "you'll be all used up in a year." There's a lot more to it with stuff that he said to me (i think he is verbally abusive and he is very manipulative,) but i'm sure you could imagine. I just wanted to see if anyone on here could relate to my dilemma and tell me how they dealt with it. I just want to feel free and good about stripping and sex again like i used to and not guilty or judgemental like him. Thanks for any advice.
Other details:
-he's 14 yrs. older than me
-he used to work at my home sc
-my sex drive has steadily gone down since i got with him ( i used to be a regular nympho)
-he calls his kids names too (not sure if that helps you get my story better but i hate it)



I enjoyed reading everyone's posts and advice to other people but as I scanned the site i haven't been able to come to a decision about my problem. I'll try to make this short even though it's a three year ordeal.
)
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