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Thread: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Has anyone else been bullied at work? I just found this incredible resource. It finally explained why this chick didn't like me and got pissy because I took 'HER stage, HER money, and HER crowd'. Didn't make sense because the club had over 100 chicks! Half the girls would stand at the BACK of the stage when she was performing because they were afraid of her. FUCK THAT! She was like a tarted up five-year-old. She'd stand beside me and stomp and put her hands on her little hips.WTF

    It's also a great article to explain the idiot managers we've all worked under. Power-tripping, barking orders, exorbitant fees and fines, etc.



    http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm#Why
    (snip)
    Why do people bully?
    The purpose of bullying is to hide inadequacy. Bullying has nothing to do with managing etc; good managers manage, bad managers bully. Management is managing; bullying is not managing. Therefore, anyone who chooses to bully is admitting their inadequacy, and the extent to which a person bullies is a measure of their inadequacy. Bullies project their inadequacy on to others:
    a) to avoid facing up to their inadequacy and doing something about it;
    b) to avoid accepting responsibility for their behaviour and the effect it has on others, and,
    c) to reduce their fear of being seen for what they are, namely a weak, inadequate and often incompetent individuals, and,
    d) to divert attention away from their inadequacy - in an insecure or badly-managed workplace, this is how inadequate, incompetent and aggressive employees keep their jobs.
    Bullying is an inefficient way of working, resulting in disenchantment, demoralisation, demotivation, disaffection, and alienation. Bullies run dysfunctional and inefficient organisations; staff turnover and sickness absence are high whilst morale, productivity and profitability are low. Prosperity is illusory and such organizations are a bad long-term investment. Projection and denial are hallmarks of the serial bully.

    (snip)

    Client bullying is where employees are bullied by those they serve, eg teachers are bullied (and often assaulted) by pupils and their parents, nurses are bullied by patients and their relatives, social workers are bullied by their clients, and shop/bank/building society staff are bullied by customers. Often the client is claiming their perceived right (eg to better service) in an abusive, derogatory and often physically violent manner.

    It takes two to tango
    Abusers choose to abuse, molesters choose to molest, rapists choose to rape, harassers choose to harass, bullies choose to bully. Bullying is behaviour, and behaviour is a choice, therefore bullying is a choice - a bad choice, but a choice. Bullying is in the same league as abuse, molestation, rape, paedophilia and harassment; sadly there are still some people who think that targets of these vile activities are partly responsible for the abuse perpetrated against them.



    (snip)
    Last edited by Optimist; 10-06-2007 at 09:37 PM.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

  2. #2
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Awesome! Hey isn't there a book that came out earlier this year called The Asshole Effect (lol) or something like that, with info like that?

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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Close. It's called "The No Asshole Rule":

    http://www.amazon.com/Asshole-Rule-C...1737895&sr=8-1
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

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  4. #4
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    I think I'm gonna get that. I've been completely puzzled by this behavior for years, even AFTER I finally got it thru my head I was an official "hot chick", and especially then, bc how the F could ppl be so cruel just over how someone looks? It remains the only reason sadly...

    I was the nicest, most competant, homeless at times, (majjjjjjjjor fam problems in Jersey) therefore humble, copy girl/barista/cust svc. rep you could eva work with. Bitches. Bitches who have ruined jobs, relationships, reputations, on a more major scale than I could ever dream up. Just the other nite I was pondering (yet again) how in every single fucking job since 15 there has been at least one bitch who has had it OUT for me, that would prob stab me with a knife if she could...what the hell is that?

    I'm ordering that book, it's about time a "good resource on the topic" came out. Heh.

    Shoot, by the time I got to stripping, it actually got better! That's WHY I do it! Being hotter than yr average Joe and get paid for it, that sounds about right after all these years. And so far stripper coworkers have made the best coworkers in general. Why I didn't start 5 years ago is beyond me!

  5. #5
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Quote Originally Posted by Alaska View Post
    I was the nicest, most competant, homeless at times, (majjjjjjjjor fam problems in Jersey) therefore humble, copy girl/barista/cust svc. rep you could eva work with. Bitches. Bitches who have ruined jobs, relationships, reputations, on a more major scale than I could ever dream up. Just the other nite I was pondering (yet again) how in every single fucking job since 15 there has been at least one bitch who has had it OUT for me, that would prob stab me with a knife if she could...what the hell is that?
    Because certain people "mistake kindness for weakeness" so they either try to take advantage or crowd you out because they think you won't fight back.

    I worked with this f*cking NIGHTMARE of a chick at a state agency...Years later I still joke about owing her a punch in the face.

    I've had less problems with strippers since I channel Travis Bickle* when I sense a hater is is the room.

    (*Rober DeNiro's mentally ill character in the movie Taxi Driver.His flip-out in the film is now part of American infamy.)

  6. #6
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Yea. I learned to tone down the niceness early on, I think it's more about the non-confrontation thing. I just prefer to live life by turning the other cheek....relieving, I'm not obligated to "get involved." But it's like the only way to survive is to show up and IMMEDIATELY begin being a bitch. But who has the eeeeeenergy for that? I just don't give a fuck.

    Haha, I know whatchoo mean about punching in the face fantasies. I've actually caught myself getting a leetle too wrapped up in them, and still think I would if I saw some of these characters walking down the street. Shit was BAD. Hehehe.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Quote Originally Posted by Alaska View Post
    Yea. I learned to tone down the niceness early on, I think it's more about the non-confrontation thing. I just prefer to live life by turning the other cheek....relieving, I'm not obligated to "get involved." But it's like the only way to survive is to show up and IMMEDIATELY begin being a bitch. But who has the eeeeeenergy for that? I just don't give a fuck.
    You hit it on the head. For years I'd pretty much talk to the bully and tell them how obvious what they were saying and doing was illogical (benign way of saying STUPID). Then they'd shut the fuck up. I just couldn't be bothered with scoping the bullies because it took too much energy to tune in to the room. I looked forward to talking to my friends and favorites and that was it. Truthfully, I resent having to tune in to random people's moods. Once I got more interested and passionate about making more and being a better performer the crazies came out of the woodwork!! That's when I found my self having to yell, have tell-off sessions. There's always at least one in other workplaces but in the clubs it seems like theres always a clique of them screwing with people. Kinda like a roving cunt-pack!

    A girl who was younger, smaller, and well on her way to alcoholism, began stalking me around the club. I just figured it was a misplaced crush (she and her man asked me for a three-some) . One night she tried to insult me but she didn't like the reality check I gave her so she ATTACKED me! I still didn't want to jack her up but what could I do? Who wants to be brawling at work?!!!

    I like how the article breaks down abusive customers. I never thought of them as bullies. I just thought they were unusually crazy predators. Turns out they're more common than I thought.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Veteran Member Habinairo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    This will definately help me out, cuz last night ( this morning) some chick comes up and is all "You're talking about my shoes with customers, we don't do that is not nice!!!" and strts screaming at me. Who know wtf she was on, but now she got her friends on it too, they don't even listen to the logical sense that I even said, like, I didn't say anything to that customer. And, why the fuck would I talk about your shoes??? But, probably alcohol or drugs were a good factor in it too.
    But, I guess I just need to take into account the No Asshole Rule, and always walk away!

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Since she has a pack turned against you you should let management know. This way whatever she does to you or runs to tell them about you will be seen for the bullshit it is.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Most bullies back down the minute you stand up to them. That old hag who messed with me last week backed right down when she realized I wasn't some little young thing who was going to be intimidated by her.

    The problem with looking young (and pretty) is that more hardened dancers think that equals weakness. Once you show them you aren't weak they leave you alone.

  11. #11
    Vivacious
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    ^^ I agree. Nip it in the bud. That goes for your home and romantic life too. You have to let people know how they are allowed to treat you early on.

    Bullies remind me of dogs -- they're smelling out who's afraid, who can be intimidated.

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    God/dess gypsy_girlchild's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    Most bullies back down the minute you stand up to them. That old hag who messed with me last week backed right down when she realized I wasn't some little young thing who was going to be intimidated by her.

    The problem with looking young (and pretty) is that more hardened dancers think that equals weakness. Once you show them you aren't weak they leave you alone.
    I agree too, I used to be the sweetest thing until I kept getting run over, now I speak to who I want to and NO ONE else, I let them know that I don't owe them anything and am not about to try to either buddy up or deal with their shit and that usually earns me points believe it or not. Also it helps with girls I actually like, they can stnad by me and the big meanies will usually leave them alone.
    ugh, I hate the bitches that acutally think we care how long they have been there, who they have slept with or even how long they have been dancing. respect is EARNED and they just have to deal with the fact that I may be short, but I am not stupid or weak.
    Please don't lick me, it tickles..



  13. #13
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Quote Originally Posted by Optimist View Post
    Truthfully, I resent having to tune in to random people's moods. Once I got more interested and passionate about making more and being a better performer the crazies came out of the woodwork!! That's when I found my self having to yell, have tell-off sessions. There's always at least one in other workplaces but in the clubs it seems like theres always a clique of them screwing with people. Kinda like a roving cunt-pack!

    I still didn't want to jack her up but what could I do? Who wants to be brawling at work?!!!
    Xtremely funny post! Oooh I hate that feeling when someone actually DOES get under yr skin and it takes awhile to shake it...I swear the worst advice in the world is to "just walk away." That's what my parents always told me, but I swear that if I ever have kids, I'm gonna teach them to stand up and fight back like I never did...

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    Veteran Member Sauske's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    lol thank you!!! I am SO tempted to print this out and post it all over the dressing room

  15. #15
    Alaska
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    ^ LMAO you really should. It would be funny to the cool ppl, anyway!

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    ^^^^^^^^^^Thanks! I had my roomate rolling with that one! Especially since I'm such a pacifist, cum-ba-yah and all that. But yeah, Andygirl, you're dead on! I guess that alcohol made her think being kind to my co-workers meant I'd be a pushover. I'm nice because it makes work fun but that's it! Even optimists get mad sometimes. Sauske, I think that's a great idea! I think girls who feel bullied will feel better girls who see others being bullied will feel empowered and know how to control their attackers. It would go a long way to improving the vibe in the dressing room.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Veteran Member Sauske's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    you know, if i still worked at the club I had problems with I probably would do it. My night manager and most of the girls were heartless bullies =[ I remember I had my purse stolen one night and I told the manager about it asking if he could check the cameras and he told me to get the fuck out of his face, he wasn't going to deal with it, and he had to close the club so I was shit out of luck. I had just made like 700 and was crying just staring at him and he would say " WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT"

    anyway, what im trying to say is Id love to tattoo this thread on his fucking forehead.

    lol

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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    omg! i feel this.

    there is a girl i work with who is ghetto fabulous. she says she is a feature dancer (i don't believe her) and she acts like queen bee. one night, i went into work AS A CUSTOMER with my bf, and i locked my purse up in my locker. i spent the whole night in the club having a good time. then, when it was time for me to go, i went back to the dressing room, and she was back there too.

    i start doing my combination, and she starts screaming at me in her ghetto fab voice saying shit like, "who the fuck be moving my shit? girl if you touch my shit again i will beat yo ass i will cut you."

    i was like, "me?"

    she's like, "yeah!"

    and i was trying to be polite, telling her there wasn't any WAY i touched anything of hers... but she still was bitching in my face.

    i truly feel like it's because i make more $ on stage dancing to prince than she does. silly reason i know, but i feel like that's the one.

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    Featured Member Hatshepsut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    I'm in nursing school, and gossip is vicious. I've learned that it is better to be respected than liked. I will be very straightforward and concentrate on nothing but school with others at first. If I see them to be good people, I will be nice. I get a lot of, "I used to think that you were a bitch, but then I got to know you and you're nice. I like how you don't put up with shit."

  20. #20
    Kaylinn
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    omg! i feel this.

    there is a girl i work with who is ghetto fabulous. she says she is a feature dancer (i don't believe her) and she acts like queen bee. one night, i went into work AS A CUSTOMER with my bf, and i locked my purse up in my locker. i spent the whole night in the club having a good time. then, when it was time for me to go, i went back to the dressing room, and she was back there too.

    i start doing my combination, and she starts screaming at me in her ghetto fab voice saying shit like, "who the fuck be moving my shit? girl if you touch my shit again i will beat yo ass i will cut you."

    i was like, "me?"

    she's like, "yeah!"

    and i was trying to be polite, telling her there wasn't any WAY i touched anything of hers... but she still was bitching in my face.

    i truly feel like it's because i make more $ on stage dancing to prince than she does. silly reason i know, but i feel like that's the one.
    I didn't read the whole thread.
    But....I can tolerate a lot, and it's hard to piss me off and cause me to scream back. One thign I cannot stand, absolutly hate worse than anything is being threatened. I will not be threatened. I'd ratehr someone come up and take a swing at me than threaten to do it.
    Likewise, I will never threaten. If I say something, I mean it.

    I would have stood right in this girls face and said, cut me? Do it. I fucking dare you.

    For some reason being threatened sets me off like nothign else.
    I remember being at a nightclub, standing in line for my coat. This HUGE black girl just started screamign at me, for no reason at all. Said I was whispering in her ear. I stood there and took it, scared, until she threatened to beat my ass. I snapped. I started screaming back in her face to fuckign do it, go ahead, hit me bitch!
    Luckily...some couple standing back a few feet in the line grabbed me and pulled me back. Lucky cause I was in no position to take on this huge girl and all her friends. I have never been in a fight in my life!

  21. #21
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Aside from threatening back, you have to pay attention to who is out for you..At work, I've had things stolen, money put in my bag (a theft frame-up attempt) and countless stupid rumors.

    However, I'm hotter than the haters so it always ended up in my favor. HAH!

  22. #22
    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Keep in mind that alot of bullies are mentally ill or at the very least have some serious issues. There is no real reason behind it, and most are unreasonable and make excuses for their disgusting behaviors.

    There is no reason for it.

    In scs, it's inevitable that you will come in contact with a bully at some point, especially if you have issues you haven't dealt with yourself. Partly responsible? It really depends on the person and the situation.

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    God/dess Corgan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    girls in SC's that are bullies are the jealous ones anyway. i like maxine's approach!

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    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    Quote Originally Posted by Corgan View Post
    girls in SC's that are bullies are the jealous ones anyway. i like maxine's approach!
    Sometimes. Alot of other times, it goes deeper than that. People who are mentally ill aren't necessarily jealous, but have needs to fulfill.

    Some people who live by "dog eat dog" mentalities will do practically anything to get a "hit" by pushing another down, and it has nothing to do with jealousy.

    For others, it could be that drugs or alcohol bring out the worst in them, and issues they haven't worked out will surface, and you become the victim of that somehow.

    There are many reasons a person may act as they do. To assume jealousy drives another person's actions is generalizing, and couldn't possibly be true in every situation.

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    Veteran Member Habinairo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bully in YOUR Dressing Room?

    What the worst of it is, is when they tell you you did something you didn't do. Then get the others on it. I do have one DJ / Bouncer that's awesome and he just told me to forget them, she's not a local and her words hold no ties. Management doesn't get involved with girls fights so my best bet is to do what I do and any attempt they pull on me to spread lies or anything, to just walk away and say I'm not getting involved with it.

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