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Thread: I'm Just So....Blah. (long)

  1. #1
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default I'm Just So....Blah. (long)

    I am. I can't even describe it.

    Life itself is just...blah. I'm blah.

    I'm just going through this period of "what the fuck am I here for?". I feel stir crazy up here. Sure, when I lived in Vail, there was nothing out there, but if you drove for about 20 minutes you get to Tucson. Here, I drive 20 minutes and I either get into...more vineyards or another little town around the lake exactly like my own. MIL told me that the next biggest city was Ukiah, so we went food shopping up there. Took about 45 minutes to get there. And there was not much there either. Ok, there was more grocery stores, a Walmart, and Mervyn's. Whoop di doo. The next real city is Santa Rosa- 70 miles south. And then San Fran, which I can't park in because I don't parallel park. And it takes hours to get there.

    I'm just sick of it here already. Sure, I'm homesick. But more then that, I realize that I'm a fucking CITY GIRL. Gimme Tucson. Gimme Phoenix even with all of it's souless wonder. Even in Vail south of Tucson I was starting to get tired of being that far out of town.

    I want my life to start. I want to go to school for nursing. Then I can go ANYWHERE. But that requires money. That's running out very quickly seeing as neither of us has a job. R has been applying for everything in his very limited field of analytical chemistry. He's been applying for shit that has nothing to do with his field. Nothing. He's thinking of going back to school. Shit, how the fuck do you live with 2 people in school? What do you do for money? He wants me to start. At least take a math class, as I easily forget stuff if I don't use it, and I've been out of school a while. But that requires hundreds of dollars for one class. I don't want to spend that when we have no money coming in. R on the other hand thinks it's worth it. But how is it worth it when I'm in a math class and we have zero dollars?

    So that means time to get a job. Ha. Little mountain town. I can look forward to fast food or maybe Safeway. It's so depressing it makes me wonder why I'm alive. R can't get real work, so he's looking at anything in this town. Leads me to thinking we'll be stuck here, and I want to vomit. I want get out, this is supposed to be temporary. We want to sell MIL's trailer because it's a money pit and she's paying too much for her fixed income. Problem is, the market is sour, and the trailer needs thousands in repairs to even make it worthy of selling. Some of which need to be fixed NOW, like the busted plumbing. Where the fuck are we supposed to come up with thousands right now??

    To make matter worse, I'm trying to eBay some stuff and it's horrible. People are looking for things for pennies nowadays. So many scammers, and too many people not even willing to pay for things that are for sale below wholesale prices. Nothing is selling.

    I'm scared. I'm depressed. And I feel we'll never get out of this moneypit of a trailer. The housing market is bad enough, but add on top of that we live in a vacation town, and in a 55+ trailer park.

    Please somebody. Talk to me.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: I'm Just So....Blah. (long)

    I'm sorry, hon. That sounds awful. I wish there was something better to say. I've had to have some terrible jobs and been stuck in the middle of nowhere before.

    Can you commute for sc weekends to Portland or Reno or something? (Sorry I lost track of who's dancing and who's not. ) Can you just sell the money pit trailer as is and run? Don't give up. Make you sure you and hubby have enough time together to brainstorm and generally be there for each other. And you have us when you need to vent.

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    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm Just So....Blah. (long)

    Is stripping no longer an option for you at all? I mean, I know you're not jumping up and down at the idea of going back to dancing, but if finances are your #1 problem, you can at least take the edge off by stripping part-time, or for a few weeks somewhere, or something. I know it's easier said than done... believe me, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my cat stays healthy and my car doesn't break down so I can continue to survive on $450/week. I will strip again if I have to, but I realize that, short of a financial crisis, it's not gonna happen anytime soon. I guess you just have to figure out where you are financially vs. where you are emotionally regarding stripping, and take it from there. Does that make sense?

    As for school, I do not think that starting school right now would be a fantastic idea, unless somehow you are already CA residents. There is no sense in going to private school if money is so tight, and in CA, the cost of out-of-state tuition at public schools rivals private schools in the rest of the country (at least at the bigger state schools it does... maybe your CCs are cheaper?). If you plan on staying in CA for more than a year and you are serious about going to school, start applying for residency now. You can always take out student loans to pay your tuition when you do enroll... and paying back a 20k loan is going to hurt a lot less than paying back a 90k loan.
    Drought was over. Where was I? Drinks were on the house.
    For mixers, my love, you'd poured--what?--even the rain.

  4. #4
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I'm Just So....Blah. (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseLeigh View Post
    Can you commute for sc weekends to Portland or Reno or something? (Sorry I lost track of who's dancing and who's not. )
    I'm not dancing anymore. And I haven't for personal reasons AND my back has been horrible.

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseLeigh View Post
    Can you just sell the money pit trailer as is and run? Don't give up. Make you sure you and hubby have enough time together to brainstorm and generally be there for each other. And you have us when you need to vent.
    No, unfortunately we can't do it that easily. It needs all new plumbing because it's falling apart-literally. We need to fix the sagging roof. We need to put more trim up. We need to fix the front door because right now it won't stay closed by itself because the redwood tree in the yard has wrecked havoc on the ground under the trailer. Thousands of dollars we need before the trailer is decent enough that people will actually look at it. (You know if something huge isn't fixed people dwell on that element).

    Plus the housing market is HORRIBLE here. One of the worst in the country in Cali right now. Lots of foreclosures and a lot of homes sitting for sale. Plus she's in a moutain vacation town, and in a 55+ community.

  5. #5
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I'm Just So....Blah. (long)

    Quote Originally Posted by teeth_of_the_hydra View Post
    Is stripping no longer an option for you at all? I mean, I know you're not jumping up and down at the idea of going back to dancing, but if finances are your #1 problem, you can at least take the edge off by stripping part-time, or for a few weeks somewhere, or something. I know it's easier said than done... believe me, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my cat stays healthy and my car doesn't break down so I can continue to survive on $450/week. I will strip again if I have to, but I realize that, short of a financial crisis, it's not gonna happen anytime soon. I guess you just have to figure out where you are financially vs. where you are emotionally regarding stripping, and take it from there. Does that make sense?
    Oh god no. I can't. I'm not physically able or willing to. Plus the closest club is in Sacramento- like 3 hours away I think? I promised R and myself I wouldn't dance again. And finally, I vowed to never ever tell my MIL about dancing in the past, or dancing while I'm with her. She adores me, but wouldn't be too keen on knowing about dancing. I just can't handle strain between us, especially since I'm living in her home.


    As for school, I do not think that starting school right now would be a fantastic idea, unless somehow you are already CA residents. There is no sense in going to private school if money is so tight, and in CA, the cost of out-of-state tuition at public schools rivals private schools in the rest of the country (at least at the bigger state schools it does... maybe your CCs are cheaper?). If you plan on staying in CA for more than a year and you are serious about going to school, start applying for residency now. You can always take out student loans to pay your tuition when you do enroll... and paying back a 20k loan is going to hurt a lot less than paying back a 90k loan.
    The thing is, we haven't applied for DL's on registration for Cali yet. We still have our AZ DLs, plates, and reg on our cars. We would need hundreds for us to do that with both cars (and getting a DL starts your 1 year countdown to residency I think) and we just don'y have that money. We have no idea how long we'll be here because we just want to be here long enough to sell this place and move his mom somewhere better. But who knows how long that'll be. So for now we're staying AZ residents.

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